CariBegins

It is not my job to help him get sober..it is not my job to help with his "depression" when I have a thousand times after a binge and nothing works. Right now that is where I am at with my AH.
I am moving in less than 2 weeks in a place I already got and after 17 years I am scared because he is a different person when using. (who knows when he becomes Hyde) Any advise from the women that have left already after this long of a relationship? He is so nice when going through the "I will get sober stage". Ill make a meeting, just scared because I do not think I can tell him I'm going since he has got real down. (lack of work, hygiene and in xtra bd. room for 2 weeks) I feel bad, but I see IT IS NOT MY JOB on everything and that angers me how it became that way now that my eyes are open. I do everything at this house if it is to get done. I feel manipulated and lonely. It makes me know how I have to go at least for now. I'll tell him a year sober is only way I'll try again. (that sounds crazy..but what hasn't been as this has progressed) Any advise on how to handle this situation carefully..I know I have to find a time not heavily drinking to tell him..or not tell him and go and just hope he is not here on moving day. I love him and it will be sad, but I'm tired of it and will be back in the same place as for months wishing to move. Yikes...my 1st move after all the threats. I need some direction from someone that knows the ropes..he never thought I would do it and he can't afford it here...So torn.

HopefulinFLA

It's not my job to make sure AH doesn't stay out all night drinking and blow off work the next day.

Wow that felt good!

HopefulinFLA

Great thread btw!

Butterfly

It's not my job to make sure my separated AH eats properly and remind him of his Dr appointments or to worry if he is ok

It is my job to worry about me and my kids and to look after us

ladyscribbler

Wow, I just looked, and this thread is over 2 years old. I guess the fundamental things still apply "as time goes by."
It's not my job to shield him from reality, by doing so I am harming both of us.

northof49

heartbrokenK

It's not my job to find him somewhere to stay when he's leaving Friday.
It's not my job to take complete care of him.

dbh

This is an old thread, but I found it very useful this morning. I decided to add my own from an adult child perspective.

• It was not my job/my fault that my father was never able to stop drinking.
• It was not my job/my fault that my father’s health declined from alcohol related illnesses. I couldn’t erase the years of abuse to his body. It’s not my fault that he died alone and broke in a nursing home.
• It is not my job to “fix” my family of origin or to assume I know what they need to do to live a happy life.
• It is not my job to assume that I know how anyone should live their life. I don’t know their past or the lessons that they need to learn.
• It is not my job to volunteer for every committee. Groups can function without me.
• It is not my job to correct all the wrongs in the world. There are some damages that cannot be undone. I can just try my best to be part of the solution and not part of the problem.

I sometimes like to remind myself that the sun rose this morning without my permission. There are trees in my neighborhood that were there before I was born and will most likely be there after I am gone. There is so much in life that is not in my control. It can feel scary at times, but mostly it is a huge relief.

Thank you for letting me share.

db

iamthird

To make separated AH and his enabling gf pay for being awful selfish people.

CariBegins

today..new emotions

It is not my job to worry how he can afford the house when I leave.
It is not my job to worry about his health and try another remedy to "fix him".

I see clearer today..I really AM powerless!

Fly N Buy

It's not my job to try and control everything and everybody as the director of a play that never comes off correctly. It's Gods......