Thelma

Em, I'm sorry you're going through this and please don't stop posting. Frustrating? Sure it is, but it's because we care. And somehow, someway, good, bad or whatever, we'll all get through this together. This is what this place is all about isn't it?
As for another disappointing go around with your A, can you see how he's trying to manipulate you again and make you feel guilty for not being there? For him missing his kids? Remember the reasons you left. And if he's THAT lonely and sorry and missing his kids, he would have driven the 10 hours for work and shown up with a smile on his face despite how tired he was. What he wanted was to have a drink instead and thats what he chose instead of his babies.

mmk11

Please don't stop posting. We are in similar situations - being separated from our husbands who we are still in love with - and dealing with the loss, hurt, anger, sadness, hope for improvement, and hopelessness. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for. It takes so much courage to seek help and to not just give up. Keep posting, you not only help yourself but you help others too (like me).

lillamy

If everyone who was in a situation like yours stopped posting, SR could shut down.
Most of us have been there. Most of us can relate to the pull between hope and despair that you're living right now. If sometimes you get replies that sound a bit edgy and impatient, that's why -- we recognize the pain so well and just want you to not have to live with it anymore.

It's funny this recovery thing... you can hear something a hundred times, and then the hundred-first time, it's like all of a sudden the words get through and you hear it and get it. That's what recovery has been like for me, a lot. People told me I had the right to leave, I had the right to take care of myself, I had the right to not take responsibility for my AXH... and I remember feeling sort of like when you've done something really bad and people tell you to not feel bad about it just because they love you, not because it wasn't your fault (does that make sense?).

And then my counselor said it to me one day and it was like she hit a lightswitch. I wouldn't be surprised if an actual lightbulb appeared over my head.

And you coming here and telling your story may have that effect on somebody else. Somebody who can't see through their own fog (Fear-Obligation-Guilt) but can see themselves in your story.

So don't underestimate the help your story can give others. Or the help others' stories can give you. Hang in there.