I am going to take a break from my Al Anon home group.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Miles from Nowhere
Posts: 396
I am going to take a break from my Al Anon home group.
(Disclaimer: First off, let me say I've been going to Al Anon for 10 years, and the vast majority of meetings have been good and helpful, and Al Anon has helped me grow tremendously. So I don't want to put anyone off from Al Anon.)
This is usually a large group; about 30 or more. However, in a group this size, very few people are willing to do service work. The person who is GR was GR during the previous years, because no one else would take the job. I was formerly treasurer/literature person for the group, and one of the (few) core members took it.
About a year ago, a woman who has mental issues (by her own admission) made this her home group. She frequently chairs the meeting. Sometimes others sign up or step up to chair, but all too often they are content to let her chair.
She doesn’t follow the procedure, which is clearly written out for whoever is chairing. She skips over items, doesn’t read the closing, etc. She bothers other people too; it isn't just me.
Not long ago, we had a group conscience. She didn’t show, of course. We added some verbiage to the suggested opening--she totally skipped it. It's like a restraining order, in the end the procedure is just a piece of paper if nobody makes sure it is adhered to.
I think that several people need to talk to this woman. I can’t get anyone in this with me, though. For some reason the GR seems reluctant to do so. Maybe because this woman has been known to do some vicious things, such as writing a real ugly letter to a member of another group.
Anyway, to me it’s like the same old stuff—people putting up with inappropriate behavior over and over and over. I have called this woman on stuff—when she left out something a week ago, then she went back and did it. And I have done my share of chairing, too.
I wonder too, if the majority are OK with her behavior, maybe I’m the one who needs to go.
So, for now at least, I am taking a break from that group.
Thank you for letting me share.
This is usually a large group; about 30 or more. However, in a group this size, very few people are willing to do service work. The person who is GR was GR during the previous years, because no one else would take the job. I was formerly treasurer/literature person for the group, and one of the (few) core members took it.
About a year ago, a woman who has mental issues (by her own admission) made this her home group. She frequently chairs the meeting. Sometimes others sign up or step up to chair, but all too often they are content to let her chair.
She doesn’t follow the procedure, which is clearly written out for whoever is chairing. She skips over items, doesn’t read the closing, etc. She bothers other people too; it isn't just me.
Not long ago, we had a group conscience. She didn’t show, of course. We added some verbiage to the suggested opening--she totally skipped it. It's like a restraining order, in the end the procedure is just a piece of paper if nobody makes sure it is adhered to.
I think that several people need to talk to this woman. I can’t get anyone in this with me, though. For some reason the GR seems reluctant to do so. Maybe because this woman has been known to do some vicious things, such as writing a real ugly letter to a member of another group.
Anyway, to me it’s like the same old stuff—people putting up with inappropriate behavior over and over and over. I have called this woman on stuff—when she left out something a week ago, then she went back and did it. And I have done my share of chairing, too.
I wonder too, if the majority are OK with her behavior, maybe I’m the one who needs to go.
So, for now at least, I am taking a break from that group.
Thank you for letting me share.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Right here, right now!
Posts: 3,424
I have only been participating in the support of Al-Anon over the last two years.
I have had some sharp learning curves not just from the messages that Al-Anon promotes, but from being part of the group, service work etc.
I am finding that the parts of Al-Anon I am struggling with at the time are usually the biggest opportunity for growth for me.
I am fortunate that I have a great therapist that I get to talk some of my learning edges about Al-Anon with (she is well versed).
I am just saying I understand how you can love the program but at the same time feel stifled with other pieces of it.
It sounds like your growth will be ongoing either way if you take a break or not.
I have had some sharp learning curves not just from the messages that Al-Anon promotes, but from being part of the group, service work etc.
I am finding that the parts of Al-Anon I am struggling with at the time are usually the biggest opportunity for growth for me.
I am fortunate that I have a great therapist that I get to talk some of my learning edges about Al-Anon with (she is well versed).
I am just saying I understand how you can love the program but at the same time feel stifled with other pieces of it.
It sounds like your growth will be ongoing either way if you take a break or not.
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