EmmyG

My husband contacted me last night. He was actually sober for the first time in about two weeks. Conveniently, he had to travel for work today, so of course he managed to get it together for that. He basically told me that he's been not only drinking for the past month, but taking two different prescription medications. He's also been arrested three times, and fortunately only charged with one thing, drunk in public, which he has a court date on. He said he's very scared that it's gotten this bad, and he's sick of this happening over and over. I expected him to say he wants to move here to be near us, and ask me to start over, but he said that he knows this time we can't just pretend everything is fine, because if he lives with us, he'll still be the same miserable person and be "faking" it. He said he knows that going to meetings once a week is not going to be enough, and he needs in-depth counseling and a lifestyle change. He said all of the nastiness toward me has been his hatred of himself, and that he feels like a terrible husband and father. I told him I agree with all of that, and especially that I don't want to live with him. I told him I am pretty sick myself, from the awful dynamic of our relationship. He said he feels sick over the way he speaks to me at times, and I said try being on this end of it. He said he's very lucky not to have lost any clients or his license.

I have little faith that he will actually get help, but at least this time he's not trying to pretend that we can just move on and expecting me to believe his empty promises of never drinking again. Hopefully he will do something this time, but I'm going to let him worry about that. I'm not getting involved this time. I started a diet and exercise plan today and I'm looking at houses to rent for me and the boys. I'm really sad, but I know I can never go back to living like that again. It's sad to see the person you married become such a train wreck, but I know now that it's 100 percent up to him. Hopefully he'll be a good father.

suki44883

Good for you continuing to put yourself and your boys first. Your husband may be remorseful right now, but that's not uncommon. It doesn't really mean a thing. In a few days he could very well be right back to the azzhole he was before this great revelation.

Sorry to sound so negative, but what he did is nothing new. Who knows if he means it or not? In any case, keep putting your boys and yourself first and whatever happens with him happens. It would take a minimum of a year of continued recovery before I would consider even talking about the next steps, if there are any.

Katiekate

You sound so strong Emmy, nice work.

I really admire you.

Keep yourself and your boys first.

love to you Katie

EmmyG

Exactly, words are meaningless at this point. Just words.

SoloMio

Yes, you're in a great spot, to be able to be listen without reacting, and know what you want and what you need, and go out to get it. Good for you!

I have a regular blog (not A related) and just happened to choose this Mark Twain quote for my blog post that also might be appropriate here:

changeschoices

Well, it's an improvement that he actually admitted he has a problem, both with substance abuse and with being a jerk to you.

So go ahead with your plans for yourself and your boys. If your husband ever gets serious about getting help, the best thing for him is actually the best thing for you: taking good care of yourself and being happy, and let him figure out his life on his own.

I agree with the one-year rule, too. The best part of this whole scenario, Emmy, is that you don't have to do anything. Just keep on being good to yourself and things will work out exactly as they should, even though you have no idea what that will be.