music and memories
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 46
music and memories
Hi guys,
Friday my divorce was final. He didn't show for court so I was awarded the divorce on default. No children or community property/debt to haggle over.
I thought I was doing fine. Felt positive about the future. I cried before and after court but not much.
This weekend a play was produced on stage that I directed. First time directing, and the audience loved it. I got a lot of positive feedback.
However, last night I fell asleep with the tv on and bolted wide awake at 1230. There was a commercial playing with my wedding song. I can't believe that Pachabel's Canon in D woke me up from a dead sleep. I couldn't go back to sleep for another 2 hrs even though I turned off the tv.
Really feeling out of sorts today from lack of sleep and emotionally very fragile. I know I need more time to mourn my marriage. It just seems that life won't slow down long enough! Just wanted to share
Friday my divorce was final. He didn't show for court so I was awarded the divorce on default. No children or community property/debt to haggle over.
I thought I was doing fine. Felt positive about the future. I cried before and after court but not much.
This weekend a play was produced on stage that I directed. First time directing, and the audience loved it. I got a lot of positive feedback.
However, last night I fell asleep with the tv on and bolted wide awake at 1230. There was a commercial playing with my wedding song. I can't believe that Pachabel's Canon in D woke me up from a dead sleep. I couldn't go back to sleep for another 2 hrs even though I turned off the tv.
Really feeling out of sorts today from lack of sleep and emotionally very fragile. I know I need more time to mourn my marriage. It just seems that life won't slow down long enough! Just wanted to share
Member
Join Date: May 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 1,149
Although I think I carried out most of my mourning for my marriage whilst in the relationship (waking up crying day after day) after the divorce it periodically came out at odd times: driving in the car home from work, unpacking some shopping, dropping the kids at their grand-parents etc.
If I could, I let it out, if not I tried to shelve it for a more convenient time (not sure that worked so much!) so if I was at work and able to get to the ladies or close my door and allow the sadness it was usually quite brief, whereas fighting it seemed to be counterproductive. Life carried on at a full pace, I let go of some responsibilities and activities to allow myself space to function, but I found I wasn't able to schedule convenient times for grief, or devote free blocks of time to "the mourning process", it just came when it came.
For me I think I have worked through most of it (although that's always a cue for something to pop up!
), and trite though it sounds it can't be rushed, be gentle with yourself (()).
If I could, I let it out, if not I tried to shelve it for a more convenient time (not sure that worked so much!) so if I was at work and able to get to the ladies or close my door and allow the sadness it was usually quite brief, whereas fighting it seemed to be counterproductive. Life carried on at a full pace, I let go of some responsibilities and activities to allow myself space to function, but I found I wasn't able to schedule convenient times for grief, or devote free blocks of time to "the mourning process", it just came when it came.
For me I think I have worked through most of it (although that's always a cue for something to pop up!
), and trite though it sounds it can't be rushed, be gentle with yourself (()).
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Grieving seems to take its own course - I am often surprised by the sadness I feel in certain circumstances, how it seems to pop up out of nowhere.
Big hugs today. It hurts like hell, even when we know its for the best.
Big hugs today. It hurts like hell, even when we know its for the best.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 46
Glad to know I am not alone! I thought I was done with the grief, but apparently not. I guess time and therapy are in order, and Alanon!
One thing that has really been bothering me, people keep congratulating me on the divorece. I don't want congratulations! I don't know what I want, maybe just acknowledgement for the pain I am in. Most of all I wish people would just forget it!
One thing that has really been bothering me, people keep congratulating me on the divorece. I don't want congratulations! I don't know what I want, maybe just acknowledgement for the pain I am in. Most of all I wish people would just forget it!
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