transformyself

I got up this morning and snapped at AH. He has been saying all kinds of stupid, quacking **** to me about how I'm never home, always working, don't bring in any money.

So when he started this morning I snapped. I was trying to make coffee and just wasn't on my game. Didn't get a chance to get on my feet as it were.

I cannot WAIT until I don't live with this man anymore, although now that I think about it, after reading some of the posts of folks who have found us for the first time, I am GRATEFUL that I feel this way. I used to be so freaking desperate for him to love me, for him to approve of me.

this is much better, even though it's not as good as the detachment I can own when I have a few minutes to myself in the morning to get on my feet.

Carol Star

There are two Alanon responses that are pretty good- 1." sorry you feel that way"..... and 2." oh ?... "

lizatola

I like Carol's responses but I have trouble when I feel attacked and I tend to lash out in anger or defense. I guess I should be grateful that AH and I just aren't speaking to each other in general. Keeps those altercations to a minimum. It's not healthy but at least it's peaceful.....well, not counting the fact that you can cut the tension in the house with a knife!

Hugs to you! I hope your day gets better!

transformyself

Thanks Ladies.

Carol I've always had a problem with saying, "I'm sorry you feel that way, " because it's just not true. I'm not sorry he feels that way, it has nothing to do with me, it's his problem, not mine and I want him to keep it to himself.

What's wrong with honesty? I wonder if others who say that really mean it, or if it's just deflection.

I do appreciate your commenting, though, I hope that doesn't come off as a bite at you

And Liz-I'm pretty sure good lately at remaining detached when he's going off, but it's relatively new. The problem this morning was that I hadn't had time to get my wits about me.

Can't wait until I"m living in a situation where I don't have to do that deal with this ****. I would think he'd feel the same way, but he simply won't accept that this is over.

JenT1968

My therapist used this one on me when I was clearly ranting about something she thought was nonsense and couldn't think of another appropriately positive response in time (probably was!)

"I can see you feel very strongly about this"

it's non-judgemental, isn't a justification/argument/defence/explanation, doesn't draw you in, but it's not a lie.

I'm grumpy at the best of times in the morning, living with that insanity just intensifies that. You're human: let it go.

m1k3

What I did to handle it was basically go no contact while still living with her. I cooked my own meals, slept in a different bedroom and did my best never to be in the same room as her. When she did talk to me about anything other than the move or what she was planning for rehab, I still had hopes back then that she might actually make an effort, was to ignore her. If she was insistent I would tell her I don't want to talk about it and either go back to my bedroom with the door shut or leave the apartment.

Hang in there, you can make it to the move out.

Your friend,

mmk11

I'm with you on this one. This phrase accomplishes nothing in my situation, but I hope others have more luck with it

I've been telling my AH "I'm sorry you feel that way" for weeks, but really Im not sorry, not one little bit, i just want him to stop talking. Last Thursday I let stuff go in one ear and out the other. He is full of **** when he's telling me about his "issues", which amount to past grievances about me and how i didnt act/say the exact perfect thing in any situation. We've been in a 3-month crisis mode, and all he's done is complain complain complain! Today, I'm tired of his up and down moods, indulging all of his negativity, and scooping up the crumbs of his positivity like I've not eaten in days. This a.m. I didn't respond to his "I'm thinking about us" reminiscent BS text. I rolled my eyes and kept doin my thing. Doesnt mean i won't take his call or respond next time, but for today im ok. Baby steps.