runningforlife

As I posted a few days ago, my A started contacting me again after a year of no contact. He's ready for a relationship and really pouring it on hard. My life until this point had been so peaceful. I've been astoundingly happy, have developed meaningful and strong friendships throughout my year in recovery, and have been loving life. I thought maybe my A had been working on himself too but I was unfortunately very wrong. In fact, he's back to drinking again and uglier than ever. I knew it before he even told me that he was drinking again. The manipulation, verbal attacks, cyclical conversations and anger from him came pouring back within days.

Most of the last week of us "communicating" has been via text and it hasn't been pretty. He knows just what to say to make it difficult for me to not reply. I've felt like if I don't reply, I'm silently admitting he's right. And how sick is that? This is not how I interact with anyone else in my life, yet I find myself so easily pulled back into the craziness.

Things culminated yesterday. He took a mundane text of mine from last week and applied a twisted meaning to it and made it into something I never intended. Basically, he just wanted to create a reason to rage on me because I told him I would not be moving across the country with him as he embarks on his PhD program. And he wouldn't let it go. He demanded an apology, and even after I explained what I truly meant and apologized for any misunderstanding, he went on to bash me via text for an hour and a half! I finally text back, noting that he's spent the last hour and half telling me how bad and wrong I was, and that if I'm so bad and wrong then what the heck does he want with me? Later on that evening he posted pictures of a "friend" of his who flew in to spend time with him yesterday. While I know he has nothing good to offer me and I have seen now that he has NOT recovered at all in the past year, seeing them together like they were in the pictures hurt.

So I unfriended him from Facebook today and blocked him, and then blocked him from my email accounts. I'm working at getting his number blocked on my phone, but for tonight the phone is off in the event that I have a moment of weakness and he does try to text. Before I turned the phone off, I did edit his name to appear as "Dementor" from Harry Potter and applied a picture of one to his profile in my phone. I know that just seeing his name or number still conjures up happy images of us before things turned ugly. I needed a good way to see him how he really is today, at least until I get his number blocked. Today I took a powerful step back into my happy place. The one that I recently invited him in to trash and muddy up. It was certainly time for some housekeeping today. It isn't easy though, but I'm getting back to where I belong.

dollydo

Smart move on your part!

Tuffgirl

Well - look on the bright side. He just validated all the reasons why you didn't want to continue seeing this guy a year ago. So for that you can be thankful. Better see it now that 6 months into moving halfway across the country for him. Or having his babies.

Well played. Dementor - LOL! Good one!

XXXXXXXXXX

good for you! Amazing how easy it is to tell that the nasty has not been addressed and how quickly it rises to the top when they don't get their way.

Address it now. I let this behavior go on for way too long, until I finally had to get a restraining order to stop the nasty and increasingly threatening texts and after I blocked calls they just came from different numbers and to my work and friends.

lala27

Until you get his number blocked from your phone, remember that ignoring his texts/calls tells him you are totally over him and he no longer has a hold over you, not that he is right. Good luck.

NYCDoglvr

You are doing the right thing: No contact really works. Bravo

sweetteewalls

You're awesome. I can't wait to be at the point where you're at! I have a hard time going NC for a day...haha. But really, I cannot wait until I can say its been a year since I have engaged with AH. We have a daughter and usually when we fight, it has nothing to do with her! I decided instead of texting or emailing him, I'm just going to come on SR or read! =)

CatsPajamas

Good for you. I remember awhile back a member here put a picture of a duck and renamed her A's number QUACK QUACK to remind herself that he was going to quack at her.

Whatever it takes - take care of yourself. It's hard at first, but sometimes you have to open that door just a crack to remind yourself why you don't want to go back in there! Now you know - so you can move on to more healing for yourself.

runningforlife

I knew making the healthiest choice for me wasn't going to be easy. I had a weak moment today and read one of his texts before I deleted it but I was strong enough to not reply. I was telling a friend that I felt a little weak this afternoon and he sent me one of the happiest reminders that I could have received. He went onto my fb and pulled off pictures of me with friends and family that I've posted over the past 6 months; pictures of me having fun with healthy people who mean the world to me; pictures of me living life and being happy. He entitled it "Life without [my A's name] looks like this..." I'm so grateful for such awesome friends. I'm so grateful for the Al-Anon meeting I'm attending tonight. I'm so grateful for this forum and all the recovery I've made, and seeing recovery happen for so many others as well. Despite my moment of feeling weak today, I have survived the day feeling empowered and a ton lighter.

Cyranoak

The words do not exist to explain how completely full of **** he is. They also don't exist to explain why in the world you would a. respond, b. not change your number or block his.

Good lord.

Cyranoak

lillamy

This made me laugh out loud. Good for you. And as Tuffgirl said -- you got the confirmation that the choice of going NC was a good one. Just do it again.

PS: I have the theme from Jaws as my AXH's ringtone on my phone.

FindingJoy

No contact = no more quacking