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Old 06-19-2012, 03:53 PM
  # 41 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by OhBoy View Post
It is very tough to deal with on a regular basis, that tree branch really frickin hurts after a while! Her targets are ALWAYS people that she cares about.
i think that is because those people are the only one's that continue to walk through her branches. Everyone else walks around. Tree's do not move. Only we can move.

People talk of ways to live in that storm, or walk through the bramble, and not get continually snapped like that but I could not figure it out. I got pretty good at pretending it wasn't happening but it was just denial/pretending/stuffing. I was getting snapped alright. Hard.
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Old 06-19-2012, 04:58 PM
  # 42 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Thumper View Post
If I am walking through the brush and a tree limb snaps back and smacks me it HURTS. The tree is just being a tree but I've still got a mark. I'll either find a gentler path or come out battered.

I don't know if your aw means it or not but either way you've still got a mark. You stay on this path and you'll get more. Like that tree, your aw is just being who she is right now. Your kind words, harsh words, ultimatums, pleas, even your detachment will not change that anymore they it would change the tree.

And like the tree that used to be a soft little sapling, the fact that your aw used to be a gentle loving wife doesn't change who she is today. The fact that a tree can at times provide soft shade and a gentle breeze doesn't mean it won't continue to snap you and leave a mark. Just because an alcoholic, at times, can be gentle and loving, doesn't mean they won't still leave a mark. It is the same tree, the same person.

You'll get snapped again and again if you stay on that path. This you know. As a tree grows so does its capacity to do damage. Just like alcoholism.

Some days alcoholism just makes me soooo sad and today is one of those days. Many gentle thoughts to everyone here at SR trying to walk this path.
((((((((Thumper))))))))) Thank you, my heart is so heavy today, I need this so much. I am so grateful!
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Old 06-19-2012, 05:40 PM
  # 43 (permalink)  
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a. she's full of **** with her excuses and explanations. you know this.

b. i agree with the WMD explanation. She was trying to hurt you in the best way she knew how-- my RAW used to do it all the time.

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Old 06-19-2012, 09:45 PM
  # 44 (permalink)  
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cyranoak, it is good to hear from you. I highly respect your thoughts and being straight to the point. I would say that you have graduated from an aspiring realist to a confirmed realist. Yes i know she is blowing smoke. I know that it is probably not right, but part me still loves her to death and I still see in her lots of the way she used to be, and part of me is just waiting for her to let out enough rope. I did have a bit of an epiphany on the way home tonight. It is not my job to make she either believes me or not. It is not my job to make sure that she is secure in her feelings. It is not my job to be responsible how she reacts or doesn't react to anything. It IS my job to take care of me, to be responsible for me, to make sure that I am ok. May seem like not a big thing, but it gave me a sense of calm and that I don't have to walk on eggshells. Thank you to all of you that have helped me come to this realization.

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Old 06-20-2012, 01:57 AM
  # 45 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by mmk11 View Post
Is there any way to know if the A is blacked out? Any physical signs or indications?
No. They don't even have to appear intoxicated. It's possible to drive during a blackout and pass for "sober"...
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