sadmabel

I guess I wont sleep again. I'll cry again. I'll wonder what tomorrow will bring. I'll worry what my son will be doing this week since he lost his job. I'll hope he calls to set up his outpatient treatment and therapy. I'll worry that he wont. I'll worry that he will find something to steal from us while we're at work. I'll worry about him being bored. I'll worry about him using because he's bored, or sad, or alone. I'll worry about getting through work tomorrow. I'll cry for my son. I'll cry for my family. I'll cry about not remembering the last time I was happy. I'll wonder how I can go on a week a month. What will next year bring? Can it get worse? Will he get better? Will he find a job? Will he ever be happy? Can I ever be happy again if he is not better? Will my husband and I fall apart? Will my daughter move out cause she can't take it anymore? Should I tell him to leave instead if that happens? Where will he go? Will he get worse if he leaves? Will he get better if I tell him to leave? What if he is high when I get home? Should I call to check on him during the day? Should I ignore him?
This is my brain with my son on drugs, I hate this

Shadydeal

I am sorry! I hear you and know that all of these feelings are very real and painful. I am not a parent and don't know what I would do. I pray that you find peace and direction, take care of yourself.

Tuffgirl

Sounds like your brain needs an overhaul! ; )

Do you go to Al-Anon or have a therapist who can work with you to retrain your thinking? That's what recovery for us F&F-ers ends up being a lot of - changing the way we think and view our situations so we don't have what you describe above. The questions - the worry - the panic.

I can only imagine how it feels when its a child...mine has been my husband...but with a child, I can only imagine the desire to step in and fix this kid (who probably isn't a kid anymore but will always be our kid in our mind).

Stay strong, and find a support group/therapist/good books to help you through this time to find some peace and serenity. You deserve that, and so does your family.
~T

klbutcher

I used to feel just how you describe. It was exhausting and soul destroying.
I think us family and friends of an addict's have a recovery journey of our own to make.

Somewhere along the line you learn to accept there is nothing you can do. You manage to detatch, you stop looking after your addict and start looking after yourself.

This weekend was my 30th birthday. My A had arranged a family meal for me in order to cheer me up after my Nan passed away 9 days ago.

On my birthday he got drunk - Considering my current circumstances it was heartbreaking but even so, I quickly managed to compose myself, got ready and went for my birthday meal without him.

Once apon a time I would have spent the whole weekend in floods of tears, asking all the questions you are, looking for answers.

I promise in time it gets easier. Even if you choose never to walk away from your addict, you will some how at some point learn how to live again.

Keep strong. x

MsPINKAcres

((sadmabel))

Breathe, just breathe ~

a wise person in the fellowship once told me there is just as much chance of good things happening as there is all the negative things happening . . .

My worrying, fretting, and stressing will only leave me in a position to not be prepared for either one

Life with an addict/alcoholic adult child is very painful ~ for me I found guidance and strength in attending al-anon meetings, journaling, posting here on SR, reading recovery literature and seeking guidance from my HP ~

Please seek what can help you find peace ~

YOU deserve it regardless of the chaos surrounding you~

PINK HUGS,
Rita

FredG

I'm a recovering alcoholic / addict. My mother's name is Mabel. Thank you for sharing your thoughts about your son. It helps me understand what she went through.

She went to Alanon. She said it was because Dad had a problem, and I knew HE did.

She changed there, and a good part of my decision was because of what she learned there, but she became happier. I didn't understand at the time, because Dad still had the problem. I didn't. I just drank and used lots. Wasn't a problem unless I ran out.

You're in a good place here, but his using isn't your problem. You didn't cause it and you can't do a whole lot about it. All you can do is learn about yourself and how to live around an addict.

Ilovemysonjj

Dear SadMabel, please realize there is NOTHING you can gain from worrying or crying. I have been dealing with my AS for 2 + years and we have finally let him go to live his life as he sees fit. I do feel grief and remorse, BUT I need to live for the other important people in my life (husband and kids). I understand how entirely difficult this is but realize you can love your son and let him go. Every day I say the serenity prayer at least 10 times per day and it is meaningful to my recovery efforts.
Hugs,
Teresa

sadmabel

Thank you all for your kind replies. This forum is helping me and I will see a therapist for the first time tomorrow. I told her I am starting with 7 free visits I got through the employee assistance program at work but it may take 7 YEARS to fix me. Lol. She assured me it wouldn't. I appreciate your words. It is so helpful to talk to people who really get it. I have been through some things in my life that I thought were difficult and considered myself a strong person. But nothing ever compared to this. This has knocked every ounce of strength out of me. I know I have to get stronger and eventually I will but this is like a death. Like you literally lose your child. I will read all of your words and take all of your suggestions. God bless all of you

changeschoices

I'm sorry you are hurting like this. I can imagine it is so hard for you because he is your son. I have two children but they are still young. I pray that they never fall into addiction...you are right that when someone is addicted, it's as if you have lost them...the best thing you can do for your son is to let go of worrying about him. He has to make his own decisions. It will help no one if you fall apart! The other people in your life need you to be strong, and you deserve that gift to yourself most of all.

I think you will get a lot out of going to therapy tomorrow--unburden yourself! and definitely go to AlAnon. Try to get a good night's sleep and I hope you let us know how it goes tomorrow.