Seeing Red
 

OMG, I just need to vent. I can not seem to get it through his head that we are done, his actions speak louder than words and I know he is just trying to make things work because he doesn't want to bother having to find a new place and all that entails.

Something has to change soon though, my pity for him has turned into anger, seething rage and I just want to physically hurt him. Obviously, I have some issues to deal with and tomorrow is 1st appt with therapist.

I hear the slur in his voice and I want to take the beer can and throw it at him.

Yesterday he said he was taking a buddy home who was helping him out and was gone for 8 hours. No phone call from him & I didn't call him. Finally when he did get home, he couldn't understand why I gave him the silent treatment. He didn't think he was doing anything wrong. Then the topper was that he admitted that he had done some meth & crack in the past week.

I can be honest because I am hoping someone out there will understand, but when he told me that, I saw a screwdriver on the table and want to stab it through his heart. I think I just want to hurt him like he hurts me.

Don't worry, I won't act on any of these thoughts, I have too much to lose to lift one finger at him. But god the anger is just flowing through me.

I don't get WHY can't he understand the constant pain he inflicts on me with his actions & WHY doesn't he care. and for that matter WHY does it even matter to me. He is trash, just hearing him admit the drugs he is doing makes me sick.

Fathers day today, what a joy, he invited his 19 year old son over to smoke pot in my garage.

I am praying that the therapist tomorrow can start to put some sanity back in me because there are days that I feel like I am going to lose it.

Thank you for letting me vent & post, the tightness in my chest is starting to lessen just by typing how I feel.

I

If it's any consolation he's got my vote for being a jerk, and a loser.......

Smoking pot in the garage with his 19 year old son.
What an awesome father he is............. a**hole!!!

Vent away, we hear ya sister.

And he may never get that. But that's okay, and you don't have to keep trying to get it through his head. Let it go.

I'm glad you have taken action for yourself in setting up an appointment with a therapist.

When I am filled with anger that needs to be expressed, I put on tennis shoes and head out the door for a really fast walk. Pounding the pavement helps me pound out my frustrations.

You asked why can't he understand the pain he inflicts on you.....
hopefully your therapist can address your feelings of being a victim in this relationship.

I had to remove myself from victim thinking to find my way out. I had to accept that he wasn't doing these things TO ME, but doing these unacceptable things for himself. I was never his consideration.

So he stumbles in from outside and I remind him again that he has to start looking for a place to live. There is never a good time to talk to him because he sleeps till 10 and has 1 cup of coffee and starts drinking.

He proceeds to tell me that it is MY fault he stays out all night because he knows that if he comes home he will listen to me b#tch. Really, deflect the blame much butthead. Every single thing that he does, drugs, alcohol, staying out late is my fault according to him. So I say that it must be a relief that he will have his own place soon. Of course with that I am giving up on him, and he believes that God has been sending people in his life lately to show him what he needs to do to gain sobriety, and how messed up it is that I don't have faith in him anymore.

My god the games & manipulations he pulls.

Now my heart is pounding again and that anger is back.

This same son is waiting court for 2 possessions of marijana within 1 week. He is under court ordered treatment. Dad's advice is how to plead not guilty and what to do to get out of it and also supply "clean" urine kits for his son.

I'd move him out, dangle a carrot in front of his face, help him move and be done with him. If you don't take the lead he will still be there in 6 months. Addicts have the attention span of a 3 yesr old and have no incentive to do anything.

I have dangled so many carrots it isn't funny. I have even offered to pay his deposit & first month just to get him out. I am doing something wrong, I must be because why is he still here.

Last time I moved all his stuff to the garage and he slept on the floor for about a week in the garage, then when I was gone he moved his stuff back in. Called the cops to seek advice and they said there was not much I could do about it. If his possessions are in the house & he collects his mail there, he can stay.

I almost wish he would hit me, just once, because then I could get a restraining order, but he is smart enough to know that.

He loves to play little games to try to engage me in an argument. Right now he is texting back and forth with someone making these little sounds and comments. I am not going to engage. I actually took the advice and went out and did a couple laps around the track nearby. It did calm me, put me in a more reasonable place that I can see there is no point to talk to him in any way.

The sooner you get that mess out of your house, the sooner your life and your anger will begin to get better. Do you have children? File for divorce and use & possession. You could not PAY me to live with another addict.

I have 2 boys, one is headed to college the other my ex husband & I share custody. He is typically asleep when ABF comes home so he doesn't have much to do with him. We aren't married, thank god, but it doesn't make it any easier to get him out.

He is a mess, and I think he is mentally becoming more and more unstable. He is 50 years old and acts 10. His excuses and reasonings are probably less than a 10 year old. I truly believe that if he were to go to a psychiatrist he would be diagnoised with a mental illness as well.

I'm sure most of it is the drugs/alcohol, but he will start to say bizarre things like our dog is communicating with him. One thing that I want to mention, I found out this last summer from his aunt that when he was 4 or 5 something happened and he took a ax and slaughtered all of the chickens in the coop. The found him out there full of blood and when they asked him why he said he didn't know. I have strong feeling that he was sexually abused.

It really makes me fearful that he could snap again, for the most part I am not fearful of him, but when his eyes take on that crazy look I also avoid him as much as possible.

Wow. It's amazing how many of these stories out here are like mine....
:headbange

With my stepson, my husband had to write a letter of eviction notice providing him with 30 days. At the end of the 30 days, my husband could have then taken the letter to the magistrate court and obtained police assistance in removing his son. Turns out, it wasn't needed as he left on day 30. I hope this won't be needed for you, but you may need to check with your local court.

Good luck!

I changed the locks, put my ex's stuff out on the porch. He banged on the door and then took his stuff and left. The next day he came back, was drunk and yelling at me from the front yard, he wanted in...I wouldn't budge. He called the sheriff, they said since he lived in MY House for over 6 months (fl law) I would have to let him back in.

I said "Over my dead body", they said "I'll have to arrest you", I said "Fine, he is not coming back in this house, my house, my rules" and put my wrists out," Cuff me". Well, I guess I shook the sheriff up he went back out to his squad car to confer with his partner, as he was going out the door I said "Check XYZ for drugs, look in his right sock".

Ok, so back he comes, seems XYZ has an outstanding warrent for a felony and had pot in his sock, they arrested him and off to prison he went..he had a new home!

Then the sheriff says, I found out I couldn't have arrested you as this was a civil matter, and I was not disturbing anyone or causing any issues. I knew that the sheriff couldn't hold me for anything.

My point is, IF, you really want to get rid of him you will figure out a way to do it.

DollyDo, I'm in FL and i had exactly the same issue getting my AS out too. You have to do formal eviction. I had to do it twice (I'm a slow learner and the second time before I let him in I had him sign a paper saying I could eject him whenever I wanted on 15 minutes notice and declaring this was not his legal residence. Turns out it meant nothing).

Guess who will be 80 and NEVER live in my house again? Even if he's 60 years sober?

OP, the previous poster was correct. He won't do anything, so waiting for him to get his act together is a waste of time. Find out how to legally evict and get that started. It can take from 1 to 4 months, so you want to get it started soon.