Signed Divorce Papers - Frustrated As Ever
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 14
Signed Divorce Papers - Frustrated As Ever
Hello all! Cliff Notes version. We have been married a little over a year, no kids together but we have three between the two of us (I have two, she has one). We have been separated a little over three months, with the relationship going back and forth during that time. She has been doing a pretty intensive three day a week program and has been sober for about 75 days.
So after too many ups and downs with us she got the divorce papers ready and I signed them last week and she is filling on Friday. I'm frustrated because I have been told I'm a great husband and a wonderful man but she doesn't have feelings and never really did. These past months I have begged and pleaded for her to go to counseling and to work on things. I guess I'm coming to terms with the fact that I fell in love with an alcoholic and never really had a chance. It pisses me because I feel like she is finally get herself together and seems to being doing good. She looks fantastic, better then the day we met. She is also getting really involved in church and tells me how much she feels like God has "healed" her.
I have put up with years of living with an alcoholic and being what I thought was a great husband and now she gets herself together and files for divorce. I don't know, maybe instead of being pissed I should be counting my blessings that I no longer have to be in a relationship with an alcoholic, whether she is drinking or not. Its better me venting here then trying any longer to convince here that she is making the wrong decision. Thanks for reading.
So after too many ups and downs with us she got the divorce papers ready and I signed them last week and she is filling on Friday. I'm frustrated because I have been told I'm a great husband and a wonderful man but she doesn't have feelings and never really did. These past months I have begged and pleaded for her to go to counseling and to work on things. I guess I'm coming to terms with the fact that I fell in love with an alcoholic and never really had a chance. It pisses me because I feel like she is finally get herself together and seems to being doing good. She looks fantastic, better then the day we met. She is also getting really involved in church and tells me how much she feels like God has "healed" her.
I have put up with years of living with an alcoholic and being what I thought was a great husband and now she gets herself together and files for divorce. I don't know, maybe instead of being pissed I should be counting my blessings that I no longer have to be in a relationship with an alcoholic, whether she is drinking or not. Its better me venting here then trying any longer to convince here that she is making the wrong decision. Thanks for reading.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
I'm frustrated because I have been told I'm a great husband and a wonderful man but she doesn't have feelings and never really did.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: CA
Posts: 317
When the A leaves us, feels awful. Here we stood by them and then they abandon us. It hurts like hell. Don't believe she doesn't have feelings for you. She saying whatever she can to rationalize her behavior. All you can do is take care of yourself. Use all of your resources, Alanon, meetings, this forum...you are not alone.
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
She's only 75 days sober. You see a different person than the person you were living with but honestly, real change takes more than 75 days. Sobriety is a lifelong fight. Maybe what you are coping with right now is Resentment. Sounds like you have some work to do 
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
Gris,
As long as you keep begging and pleading, she has you right where she wants you. While we know alkie's are classic controllers and manipulators, it may quite possible that this is how she is wired. Sober or drunk.
I agree, 75 days sober is a mere drop in the bucket in the big picture of the rest of her life.
Start thinking and caring about yourself more, get refocused on your life.Years of being with an A depletes us of a sense of self. I just have a feeling you are going to find out how much you missed the guy that was held hostage by this disease.
Keep posting, we are listening.
take care of you.
As long as you keep begging and pleading, she has you right where she wants you. While we know alkie's are classic controllers and manipulators, it may quite possible that this is how she is wired. Sober or drunk.
I agree, 75 days sober is a mere drop in the bucket in the big picture of the rest of her life.
Start thinking and caring about yourself more, get refocused on your life.Years of being with an A depletes us of a sense of self. I just have a feeling you are going to find out how much you missed the guy that was held hostage by this disease.
Keep posting, we are listening.
take care of you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 14
Originally Posted by marie1960 
I just have a feeling you are going to find out how much you missed the guy that was held hostage by this disease.
I went back to see when I first posted on this forum and it was a year ago tomorrow. I was really in the dark about the process that needed to take place and how much I needed to give things up. The longer we are apart the more I'm realizing that I don't miss her per se but I miss the dream I had for our marriage. Now I realize that I need to care of myself and let her do whatever she is going to do. Amongst the resentment and sadness there is peace and comfort. Thanks for the responses and listening!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Originally Posted by griswold
The longer we are apart the more I'm realizing that I don't miss her per se but I miss the dream I had for our marriage.
Amongst the resentment and sadness there is peace and comfort. Thanks for the responses and listening!
Amongst the resentment and sadness there is peace and comfort. Thanks for the responses and listening!
Took me a long time to realize I don't like my soon-to-be-ex recovering alcoholic husband. Don't like him at all. He is a jerk drunk and an even bigger jerk sober. I don't like him, my kids don't like him, we've been through hell with his drinking and craziness, and in the end he just continues to treat us with disrespect. But the dream...the dream is so damn hard to let go of!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 14
Tuffgirl,
Yes, that dream is so hard to let go of. I thought if I was the "perfect" husband everything would fall into place.
It seems like when she is sober she treats me more like crap then when she was drinking. We are both heavily involved in church and I kept holding onto that faith that things would be different. However it seems like she is still her same selfish self but now I no longer have to deal with all of that.
Yes, that dream is so hard to let go of. I thought if I was the "perfect" husband everything would fall into place.
It seems like when she is sober she treats me more like crap then when she was drinking. We are both heavily involved in church and I kept holding onto that faith that things would be different. However it seems like she is still her same selfish self but now I no longer have to deal with all of that.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
