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Special days are rough

Old 06-17-2012, 09:37 AM
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Special days are rough

I had a plan before my AH walked out on me almost 2 months ago...Fathers Day I wanted my family of 5 to go to fishing today. We have all wanted to go fishing for years and Fathers Day was the perfect day. Instead my kids will be with their dad and I will be alone. I have no father of my own, so now its just me.

I get so angry on the special days whether it be a holiday, kids events, day in my life...they are not the same anymore. I know I will get over this, but for right now every special day has a dark cloud of "my family is broken". When AH was sober, we were happy. It hurts to think that when I was happy, maybe inside my AH wasn't which eventually cause him to walk out on us and live in a shotty motel, given up on his sobriety. I am so angry that he chooses that dysfunction over us.

I am sorry my posts are so negative right now. I feel like a Debbie Downer, but it is my reality. I am working, going to counseling, Alanon meetings (going today again) and spending time with friends but still, I feel so sullen. I am tired of waking up in sadness. I just want the bad days to pass. I know it will get better in time...just doesn't stop the hurting on the special days where we should be a family.
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Old 06-17-2012, 09:46 AM
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My AH is here at home but I'm not 'feeling' it with him these days so I kind of feel the same. My dad passed away a few months ago so this Father's Day is tough for me. I try to remember that it's not about special days or events, it's about what happens in between that makes our lives richer and the day to day experiences we share with our kids and those we love. I am planning on going shopping today just for me, maybe find a nice clearance top at Gap or Old Navy? I hope you find a way to enjoy this SUNDAY! You can go fishing whenever you plan for it, doesn't have to be today or even on a weekend. Sending you lots of support today!
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Old 06-17-2012, 11:45 AM
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Originally Posted by sweetteewalls View Post
I had a plan before my AH walked out on me almost 2 months ago...Fathers Day I wanted my family of 5 to go to fishing today. We have all wanted to go fishing for years and Fathers Day was the perfect day. Instead my kids will be with their dad and I will be alone. I have no father of my own, so now its just me.

I get so angry on the special days whether it be a holiday, kids events, day in my life...they are not the same anymore. I know I will get over this, but for right now every special day has a dark cloud of "my family is broken". When AH was sober, we were happy. It hurts to think that when I was happy, maybe inside my AH wasn't which eventually cause him to walk out on us and live in a shotty motel, given up on his sobriety. I am so angry that he chooses that dysfunction over us.

I am sorry my posts are so negative right now. I feel like a Debbie Downer, but it is my reality. I am working, going to counseling, Alanon meetings (going today again) and spending time with friends but still, I feel so sullen. I am tired of waking up in sadness. I just want the bad days to pass. I know it will get better in time...just doesn't stop the hurting on the special days where we should be a family.
Boy I can relate but my AH is home with me but it is not a Happy Father's day that I would of liked because he is nursing a hangover and is at the moment "woe is me." I'm of course sitting her stewing and listening to him him be a jerk towards me, making every excuse in the book, its not from alcohol, it is his back and it is hurting really bad right now, blah blah blah.

Of course I want to rant, rave and smack him upside the head and say "Its all your fault." But I know it will do no good, I am just making myself be a Debbie downer today too and I know that I need to smack myself in the head and get on with it. I am letting this man steal my joy! I too and tired of waking up sad everyday and tieing all of my emotions to what he is or isn't doing.

Sorry to jump into your message, just felt the need to post to let you know that you are not alone today.
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Old 06-17-2012, 12:10 PM
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Sweetee - bad days have a lot to do with our own attitudes. Instead of looking at this day as ruined, all alone, woe is me, go do something unusual and adventurous! Turn it around so it means something to you. I know you are going through a serious life trauma here, but much of how we deal with it is highly dependent on our attitudes about it.

Gratitude can do amazing things with our attitudes toward life. When I start to feel angry and resentful about the things that didn't work out the way I wanted them to, I wallow for a bit, then go through my gratitude list. Because the things that did work out for me are so much more than the things that didn't.

Try something new today. Go buy a pretty dress, have food you've never tried before, take a drive somewhere you'd always wanted to go, rent a movie your AH would have HATED, etc. Make it your day - all about you and your wants and needs.

Take good care,
~T
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Old 06-17-2012, 12:32 PM
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I have had points of feeling like that today too. Seeing little families and things.. Urgh, sets me off. Although it was nice to not have to buy a card and present and congratulate him on being a great dad, when in reality he is a ****** excuse for a sperm donor.
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Old 06-17-2012, 03:03 PM
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My kids are not home day. They are celebrating father's day as they should be I guess.
I too have no father to celebrate with and frankly, I'm a bit pissed at him these days even though he's been dead for 25 years.

My sister came and picked me up. We spent the day at the beach and went for a lovely long filling indulgent lunch.

she is without a doubt a true blessing to me.

I'm sorry that you're having a hard day.
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Old 06-17-2012, 10:21 PM
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Sending you a hug tonight. That first year is hard with all the special days being different. It gets easier though, I promise. Memories of your new family dynamics are made, and they will be good ones. When you reflect on them there isn't someone missing from them ya know?

Today was hard here too. My oldest slept through it mostly, my 11yo skyped his dad every hour until he could reach him, one 6yo kept asking me over and over to take him to his dad and made up stories of his dad coming for him and what they would do and the other 6yo didn't want to talk to him. He didn't know what to say. The whole thing just sucks.
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Old 06-18-2012, 10:38 AM
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Ya I agree Sweete - special days are hard.
My AH came to the house and was supposed to stay for Sunday lunch (the boys wanted him to)
So....the boys give him his father's day card and gift and he starts crying. 2 minutes later he leaves saying he just cant do it ...that he feels so bad and he cannot stay - WTF !!!
So he left...me and the boys had our lunch and spent the afternoon in the forest park...feeing the ducks, playing and walking around in the sun!! not a bad day all in all and far less hassle than looking at the ah over the dinner table, choking on my food !!!!
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