Jillmar

I have been reading threads on this forum and most of them seem to be about spouses or significant others. The advice is to leave them if they relapse.

My problem is I have only one child and he is an alcoholic. It's a long story how he became that way but to make it short, he was married twice. The women were much older and they literally, physically beat the crap out of him. THEN he was diagnosed with Bipolar and depression.

Recently, he went to his first rehab and stayed for 36 days. He was doing well in rehab but the first day home he started drinking again. He was on unemployment and that ran out, so no money is coming in and he owns a very nice townhouse which I am afraid he will lose.

My son is not stupid. He worked a job for 10 years making 6 figures. I don't understand why he isolates himself and drinks. He lives alone and stays mostly in his bedroom.

I understand you can pick up and leave your spouse but I cannot do that with my child. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated! Is there still hope???

Amy2011

All I can say is you can't change him until he is ready to change. I grew up in an alcoholic home and then became an alcoholic. Alcoholics are draining and will take and take from you until you just can't give any more. As for why he chooses to drink and feed his addiction that is a tough question. It is just the mind of an addict. Hopefully he will wake up one day ready to stop living in chaos. I got sober for my kids and myself. My life was so far out of control that I knew I was spiraling quickily. I wanted to be sober more then I wanted to drink; however, it took me awhile to see what I had become and to be ready to climb out of the hole I was in. I cut my mom out my life for several years when her addiction was really bad. It was hard and I felt bad, but I couldn't deal with the crazy, alcoholic behavior. Set boundaries for your son and enforce them for your own health and happiness. Best of luck.

Pelican

Welcome to the SR family!

I'm glad you found us, but sorry about the reason that brings you here. Have you tried Alanon meetings for face-to-face support in your community? I found them to be very helpful in developing new tools to take better care of myself while giving my alcoholic loved one the dignity of making their own choices.

My qualifier for Alanon is my ex husband. However, I also have an adult daughter that drinks. It breaks my heart to see her choose to drink when she knows the risks and has seen the chaos alcohol brought to our lives. Alanon has helped me to detach from her actions with love. I am able to love her without having to keep a front row seat to her alcohol use.

Here is a link that contains steps which helped me when I first arrived at SR and wanted to help my alcoholic loved one:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html

Jillmar

Thank you so much. It's just nice to talk to someone that understands. I have already planned on the Al-anon meetings. The only thing that concerns me is I read on the internet that someone didn't like the meetings because it was just a bunch of people complaining about their situations. But I will still try. I'm sure you can understand it is so hard to cut my son off because he is my child and my only child. I just don't want him to die!

tomsteve

THERE IS STILL HOPE!!!! have you talked to him about his drinking? does he want to stop drinking? if he does, it may be possible to get some people in recovery to come talk to him to see that others have been where he is and got out from under.

OklaBH

One person not liking it should curtail you. If you dont like it thats a different story. Im sorry for what you are going through. Ive put my family through hell with my drinking and its a real emotional slap in the face when I read posts like this.

Jillmar

Thank you all! TomSteve, I would think after being in rehab for 36 days and attending meeting after meeting with other alcoholics he would have learned something. I'm not sure if I bring other alcoholics to talk with him if it will do any good. But it's worth a try. I thought he wanted help but I guess it just didn't work.

What are the statistics that someone would stay clean after 1 rehab?

Jillmar

One more question. Since my son got home from rehab he seems very argumentative. Sort of agitated and looking for an argument. Is that normal? He told my mother they fed him all this stuff at rehab and he has to get it out of his head. Not a good sign, I'm sure. Actually, I thought he would have asked to come home the first day but he didn't. He did call a few times crying to me because he was not happy there. I felt so bad.