painterman

I wanted to say hi to all my friends on here, some months ago all the stress of the family situation got to me and I have been suffering from depression. I am slowly on the mend but it seems to take so long (taking Citalopram). I am self employed and haven't taken time off work during this period, although some days have been tough, and anxiety also is a pain. Ironically my partners hidden drinking has practically stopped and our relationship is much better, I think she saw what it's doing to us, also I haven't felt strong enough to quarrel.
I'm grateful for all the support I have had from SR and hopefully can contribute a little more very soon.

Tuffgirl

Welcome back, painterman. You've been missed!

EnglishGarden

Clinical depression is very very tough. Take good care, painterman. It does take time for the body's imbalance to return to normal. Focus on only the basics in your life. Don't listen to what depression tells you, for it can create the worst kind of self-defeating, self-hating language in a man's mind. If that ever happens, it is not true. It is the illness.

My beautiful and sensitive son was crippled emotionally by major depression in his senior year of college. He would have breakdowns of crying for no apparent reason, he disappeared into his apartment and could not deal with his basic hygiene or take care of his environment (a hundred pizza boxes on the floor, rotting). And when encouraged to take the medicine which would help him and restore his happiness, he said, "I don't deserve it." That is what happens to the mind with depression.

He did go to a psychiatrist, a very skilled and humane doctor, and at first could sit only 20 minutes of the 50 minute session. But over time, he was finally able to sit for the entire session. He took his medicines, he stayed with therapy, and slowly, slowly, he became well again. I did not push him to try anything new. I did not expect of him what he was clearly incapable of doing, in the worst of it. In time, slowly, he came back to life, and so will you, painterman. He is very well today, working on a degree in art, and recently married a person who is kind and stable. He survived, and you will, too. You will.

I'm glad your AW is attempting sobriety in what appears to be an earnest intention. We are always here to listen to your concerns and your feelings. And wish for you the very very best.

painterman

Thank you both, EnglishGarden you have such a clear understanding of depression, as only someone with direct contact could. I am taking things very slowly and the mornings can be tough, but the day usually improves. I go to the gym a lot and this seems to boost my mood.Your kind words of reassurance made me feel so much better, because the biggest nagging fear is that it won't go away and what you said is what I most needed to hear.
Motivation to paint again is a problem, what inspires me to create is joy in what I see in nature, but I have done some work and I realise that I mustn't rush things.
Thank you so much for your positive support-it feels good to talk on here again.

painterman

Also I'm so glad your son is now in a good place, well done him.