Expereinces and Perspectives...Please
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Aleutian Islands, Ak
Posts: 6
Tuffgirl,
Thank you for your acknowledgment. It's becoming very clear to me, in the short life of this thread that I have been on a "Righteous" emotional high. The more I read on here the more I shake my head like how'd I get there? What just happened? Like a fog is clearing. It's become VERY clear to me that working the steps from the Al-Anon/Codependant side is neccessary for my ongoing recovery.
Yes it is true what I wrote and as Cyranoak pointed out, I have been all up in her side of the street and vacated mine. I'm coming to on her side wondering how I got there. I have been unfair and controlling at the very least and owe her a large apology. She has been very accommodating and the insatiable me just kept looking at what I didn't have. That's pretty sick of me.
Yes we are talking about it and I suppose if I want to see the positives here the fact that I am expressing feelings to her, like I never did in my 20 year marriage, is growth. The fact that she's still there after I have shared feelings that I judge myself for having, has been a huge growth opportunity. I am learning how to trust, albeit slowly and only when I get out of my own way. Its for sure in a bumbling clumsy, like the near two year old that I am, way, but it is progress. The alternative, the way I operated my whole life (I've come to understand) sucked and was proven beyond a resonable doubt to not be in my, or anyone elses best interest.
It's amazing how quickly things can turn around in my head once I finally do reach out. I look forward to when I don't stay so tucked up inside my head, causing myself and my loved ones pain, for so long. I KNOW getting it out to those who understand helps, its never not helped, but my pride and ego, my dis-ease, prevail and I take the ride all over again. There is however progress (I never knew any of this was optional before) and I will stay grateful for that. I do feel like a whipped pup which i'm taking as a good sign too my inner junk yard dog has been put back in it's cage and thats a good thing.
I just can't begin to explain how grateful I am for everyone who responded. You have given me some extremely valuable information.
Thank you for your acknowledgment. It's becoming very clear to me, in the short life of this thread that I have been on a "Righteous" emotional high. The more I read on here the more I shake my head like how'd I get there? What just happened? Like a fog is clearing. It's become VERY clear to me that working the steps from the Al-Anon/Codependant side is neccessary for my ongoing recovery.
Yes it is true what I wrote and as Cyranoak pointed out, I have been all up in her side of the street and vacated mine. I'm coming to on her side wondering how I got there. I have been unfair and controlling at the very least and owe her a large apology. She has been very accommodating and the insatiable me just kept looking at what I didn't have. That's pretty sick of me.
Yes we are talking about it and I suppose if I want to see the positives here the fact that I am expressing feelings to her, like I never did in my 20 year marriage, is growth. The fact that she's still there after I have shared feelings that I judge myself for having, has been a huge growth opportunity. I am learning how to trust, albeit slowly and only when I get out of my own way. Its for sure in a bumbling clumsy, like the near two year old that I am, way, but it is progress. The alternative, the way I operated my whole life (I've come to understand) sucked and was proven beyond a resonable doubt to not be in my, or anyone elses best interest.
It's amazing how quickly things can turn around in my head once I finally do reach out. I look forward to when I don't stay so tucked up inside my head, causing myself and my loved ones pain, for so long. I KNOW getting it out to those who understand helps, its never not helped, but my pride and ego, my dis-ease, prevail and I take the ride all over again. There is however progress (I never knew any of this was optional before) and I will stay grateful for that. I do feel like a whipped pup which i'm taking as a good sign too my inner junk yard dog has been put back in it's cage and thats a good thing.
I just can't begin to explain how grateful I am for everyone who responded. You have given me some extremely valuable information.
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