choublak

I don't feel comfortable talking to my dad on the phone, because he'll cry and sob about how lonely he is without my mom, who, after being cheated on several times, kicked him out of the house and served him divorce papers. I do text with him, but only if the conversation is NOT about my mom. When he calls me, I don't answer the phone because, as I have told him before, I don't feel comfortable talking to him. He makes me very uncomfortable with the crying and sobbing, and the way he sometimes pulls guilt trips on me or says certain things where it's like he's throwing bait out for me to take and reveal info about what my mom's future plans are. I maintain my boundary and clearly tell him, via text, that I don't talk to him on the phone because he makes me uncomfortable. He gets very angry, almost like when a child throws a temper tantrum, and says "how can you say that to your own father I am so depressed and have no one to turn to no one will advocate for me."

Why do people have to revert to childlike behavior in such situations?

suki44883

If it is your boundary, it doesn't matter how they react because you will have removed yourself from the situation. They don't have to like it since boundaries aren't for them, they are for you.

As to why people revent to childlike behavior...maybe, mentally, they still are children.

Strickrhonda

Good for you for setting healthy boundries!

jayjay1882

Hi Choublak,

Sometimes I swear we have the same father! Except I suspect mine may be worse. He was physically abusive to us when I was a child, and has continued to be mentally and emotionally abusive to us as adults. My mom left my dad for the umpteenth time three months ago after things became physical between them and she received a head injury that required stitches.
I refused to engage with him in regards to my mom because his behavior was becoming increasingly erratic. I still spoke with him and saw him in person on occasion but did my best to be kept at arms length since he wanted to either rant and rave about my mom or manipulate me into trying to get them back together.
This doesn't work with him.
I came home one day (I live with my grandfather and take care of him) and found a cardboard box on my bed with a large stuffed animal with a butcher knife stabbed into it's back.
It was from my dad! He had been court ordered to stay away from my mom so he thought it would be appropriate to leave this present for her via my bed.
Scared the beejezus out of me! Told my grandfather I WOULD NOT stay in that house if he still had access to it. My grandfather got the key back from my dad. One week later my mom went back to him.
I have now cut them both out of my life, told them I want nothing to do with them. Started seeing a therapist, been diagnosed with PTSD (from my childhood NOT my STBXAH)
I write this to tell you that the ONLY thing that has worked for me is NO CONTACT. I know of your situation and how you are dependent. However, some people are so TOXIC that no contact is the only way.
Unfortunately I am unable to have a relationship with my father.
When boundaries are enforced with him he only escalates his behavior.
I don't know really what to tell you but I definitely know your struggles.
I pray your mom doesn't take him back

Hope this helped.

Katiekate

It's a good idea to set boundries, but when someone crosses them, there has to be consequences.

Some people need boundries and then need to know what the consequences are, and then there needs to be follow through.

One of the reasons I do not text, and do not do facebook is because it leaves you wide open for lines being crossed.