mcconnell922

My AH is on day 8 of sobriety, he has gone this far and further many times but always relapses, why when I'm feeling relaxed and can trust him (not that hes given me any cause to) he relapses? This times seems different, he is going to AA tonight for the first time his suggestion, last night I mentioned he will get a sponsor etc then this morning its "I'm only going to see what it's like!" I have set boundaries this time but I feel I cant be too hard or it will push him towards the drink again. Am I being deluded???? Can he do it on his own again just with the help of SR this time??? Everytime hes sober I relax and let my guard down but I cant seem to do anything else?

choublak

He's not relapsing on purpose to get you upset.

mcconnell922

I know that, he cant help it , but why do I let myself fall into a false sense of security every time he's sober???

headstrong

What is different between this attempt and the previous attempts? AA is a good start. It is also a good tool to have in his toolbox if he stays with it. When he quits going to AA, it is time to start worrying. BTW, I am the RA.

My point is, if he is doing the same macho doing it on his own that often happens without asking for help, I would be concerned. If he is honestly asking for help and doing something different to achieve sobriety, there may be a chance to save the relationship. Be on guard. Don't get your hopes up. Take it one day at a time.

sugarbear1

Please attend Al Anon for you.

Hugs,

remington06

it is the small victories I look for as well. A week a month, a few months. its like climbing a ladder. it gives you something to be happy about.

mcconnell922

Thanks guys I'm seeing a councillor too. My worries were unfounded he found it useful and can't wait to go again he has phone numbers for support etc Thanks

NYCDoglvr

It's called denial, one of the major characteristics of alcoholics (both recovering and not) and codependents. I suggest focusing on letting go of expectations, one way we really mess ourselves up.

mynewchapter

because its what you really want....to see him sober and your life together to improve.... i felt the same way.... but he never did sober up so i left. but it took me several tries.... hang in there. decide what you really want in your heart......