Why did I answer the phone?
 

AH just called to ask me a question about his cell phone and I started crying. He said I've ruined everything by checking his account, and how do I know he's even been drinking the last few days. He yelled at me and said he's sick of me, I'm an idiot, and he can't stand me, and to leave him alone. I feel so broken right now. Like I don't even know that cruel person. How on earth can he treat me this way? I have to file the divorce paperwork. Why am I so sad? I feel like my heart is being ripped out.

He calls YOU and then tells you to leave HIM alone?? Really? What an azzhole! Please don't answer the phone anymore when he calls. Can you set his number to automatically go to voice mail? If not, can you give his number a special ring so you will know it's him and can then send the call to voicemail without picking up? You deserve so much better than this. He's an abuser and an all around jerk.

Sorry, but our A's just have a knack for making us feel like dirt. It might help to imagine him saying something stupid(quack quack) before answering the phone, and therefore less tempted to take his call?

I think my heart is ripped out hourly, and I don't remember a day yet this year when I didn't cry. Perhaps you are sad because you are grieving- I mourn the loss of the man I fell in love with, and all our dreams every day. The good news is, so far, my heart hasn't actually broken into pieces. That would be some thread...

If everytime I talk to someone I walk away from the conversation feeling this, it is time for me to get this person out of my life and out of my head. Toxic people make me sick (literally). I now choose to surround myself ONLY with positive, supportive people.

You answered because you are not ready to let go, and unfortunatly you are only hurting yourself, doesn't phase him one little bit.

Change his cotact # on your phone, to something like "Abusive Quacker" and then don't answer.

IMO,until you are ready to go no contact there really is nothing else to say.

i think you should go back to your other thread that you started just on Friday and look at what we all wrote there....

posted on June 8th Feel gross after phone call with AH, and I'm a wreck, and Why did

I went back and forth like this for awhile. Making the decision to disengage is scary.
We haven't had enough, until we have had enough.

You know this did not 'help' you in any way. Now continue to move forward.

Three steps forward and one step back is still two steps ahead.

This helped me when I was struggling with this.

No contact = No new hurts. Lather, rinse, repeat.

I had to repeat it a lot.

Download a 'Quacking Duck' ringtone.

Assign it to your AH.

When you hear your phone 'quacking' you know not to answer.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

This ^^^^^^^ i did it. It works! Reinforces what you already know

That's how we learn not to answer the phone. Getting blasted like that is horrible, it ruins your day. There's nothing you can say or do that will change him. Next time the phone rings remember how you feel now.

It's a process ... it's progress, not perfection.

^^^^ is a great idea - I was thinking the same thing as I was reading your post.

One of my great friends in recovery had the same problem going no contact from her ex ah ~ she changed his name in her phone to "I stole money from you"
as a reminder!!

This is not to take lightly the pain you are feeling - these are just tools we have used to help us remember we are fighting against a disease that is no respector of person, feelings, or amount of years we have devoted to our loved ones.

Please try to do what is healthy for you! You deserve the dignity & respect.

PINK HUGS,
Rita