Twisted words
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: California
Posts: 7
Twisted words
I so need a backbone. I’ve lived with my AH for 5 years, granted his drinking hasn’t always been this bad, but he’s always lied and walked all over me. Yesterday I got furious at him. I haven’t actually talked to him in weeks, so it kinda felt good to tell him all my feelings of what‘s been happening in our relationship. He was not drunk at the time. Anyways, I just find it so amazing that of all the things I said to him he finds ways to twist my words. He not only drinks but texts other women a lot, like hundreds of times, some from work, some are my friends. I see this as having an emotional affair. I have no proof of an actual affair. He has never once said “I am sorry” for this. He always says he will stop, but never does.
So after our long “conversation” I left for a bit to get some space, came back home, he had not been drinking to the best of my knowledge, and he had completely destroyed his phone. Not a little cheapie phone, but an iphone. That’s like a 200 dollar phone! He gave it to me and told me that he would never talk to anyone else again. Then he told me that he is never going to talk to me again, because every time he does I only attack him for it. I just am so upset that instead of focusing on doing something useful that might actually help him or our relationship, he just lashes out at me and makes me feel horrible. I know he is just a manipulator, trying to make me feel bad. It is so frustrating and sad to see him throw his life away and it is driving me crazy!!! I am worried as well that he might become violent with me, since I see this as kind of a violent action.
So after our long “conversation” I left for a bit to get some space, came back home, he had not been drinking to the best of my knowledge, and he had completely destroyed his phone. Not a little cheapie phone, but an iphone. That’s like a 200 dollar phone! He gave it to me and told me that he would never talk to anyone else again. Then he told me that he is never going to talk to me again, because every time he does I only attack him for it. I just am so upset that instead of focusing on doing something useful that might actually help him or our relationship, he just lashes out at me and makes me feel horrible. I know he is just a manipulator, trying to make me feel bad. It is so frustrating and sad to see him throw his life away and it is driving me crazy!!! I am worried as well that he might become violent with me, since I see this as kind of a violent action.
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Join Date: May 2011
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 2,884
It is so frustrating and sad to see him throw his life away and it is driving me crazy!!!
I am responsible for me. That's all and that's enough. No one else is responsible for me and I am not responsible for anyone else. Once I accepted that I got to put down that huge weight of responsibility and craziness that wasn't mine to carry around. It felt great and I now had the time to use the time and energy I used for that and put it to taking care of myself.
Since then my life has gotten much better.
Your friend,
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,754
Originally Posted by Audi 
I so need a backbone. I’ve lived with my AH for 5 years, granted his drinking hasn’t always been this bad, but he’s always lied and walked all over me. Yesterday I got furious at him. I haven’t actually talked to him in weeks, so it kinda felt good to tell him all my feelings of what‘s been happening in our relationship. He was not drunk at the time. Anyways, I just find it so amazing that of all the things I said to him he finds ways to twist my words. He not only drinks but texts other women a lot, like hundreds of times, some from work, some are my friends.
Maybe you might want to find new friends. You don't deserve that.
I see this as having an emotional affair. I have no proof of an actual affair. He has never once said “I am sorry” for this. He always says he will stop, but never does.
He never says he is sorry because he isn't, and he doesn't want to stop
So after our long “conversation” I left for a bit to get some space, came back home, he had not been drinking to the best of my knowledge, and he had completely destroyed his phone. Not a little cheapie phone, but an iphone. That’s like a 200 dollar phone! He gave it to me and told me that he would never talk to anyone else again.
Stupid for destroying the phone, now he will have to get a new one to replace it. He is never going to talk to anyone ever again, how childish is that??
Then he told me that he is never going to talk to me again, because every time he does I only attack him for it.
I know, it's always someone elses fault. Poor baby NOT
I just am so upset that instead of focusing on doing something useful that might actually help him or our relationship, he just lashes out at me and makes me feel horrible.
Then he accomplished his goal, you feel terrible, again.
I know he is just a manipulator, trying to make me feel bad.
Exactly.
It is so frustrating and sad to see him throw his life away and it is driving me crazy!!!
It's his life, he has the right to do whatever he wants with it.
I am worried as well that he might become violent with me, since I see this as kind of a violent action.
Maybe you might want to find new friends. You don't deserve that.
I see this as having an emotional affair. I have no proof of an actual affair. He has never once said “I am sorry” for this. He always says he will stop, but never does.
He never says he is sorry because he isn't, and he doesn't want to stop
So after our long “conversation” I left for a bit to get some space, came back home, he had not been drinking to the best of my knowledge, and he had completely destroyed his phone. Not a little cheapie phone, but an iphone. That’s like a 200 dollar phone! He gave it to me and told me that he would never talk to anyone else again.
Stupid for destroying the phone, now he will have to get a new one to replace it. He is never going to talk to anyone ever again, how childish is that??
Then he told me that he is never going to talk to me again, because every time he does I only attack him for it.
I know, it's always someone elses fault. Poor baby NOT
I just am so upset that instead of focusing on doing something useful that might actually help him or our relationship, he just lashes out at me and makes me feel horrible.
Then he accomplished his goal, you feel terrible, again.
I know he is just a manipulator, trying to make me feel bad.
Exactly.
It is so frustrating and sad to see him throw his life away and it is driving me crazy!!!
It's his life, he has the right to do whatever he wants with it.
I am worried as well that he might become violent with me, since I see this as kind of a violent action.
Sounds so awful, and you know you don't deserve that, and if he has convinced you , you do, he is wrong.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: new moon road
Posts: 1,545
Audi,
After he denigrates you this way--staying drunk and unavailable, ignoring you while feeding attention to multiple women, breaking promises to you, shaming you, and creating fear in you--
what does he say or do that coerces you to stay with him? What is his method of control?
He has a hook he uses, to keep you from leaving.
Ask yourself what that is. Name it.
Then get yourself off that hook.
You can do it.
After he denigrates you this way--staying drunk and unavailable, ignoring you while feeding attention to multiple women, breaking promises to you, shaming you, and creating fear in you--
what does he say or do that coerces you to stay with him? What is his method of control?
He has a hook he uses, to keep you from leaving.
Ask yourself what that is. Name it.
Then get yourself off that hook.
You can do it.
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
You have no relationship with him alcoholics take prisoners, they have no ability have a relationship with anyone or anything except the bottle.
I would go no contact, listen to your gut and get to Alanon meetings.
I would go no contact, listen to your gut and get to Alanon meetings.
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