I'm a wreck...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 485
I'm a wreck...
Thank goodness for SR...I'm so anxiety-ridden tonight that writing is the only thing keeping me sane.
I've been through hell with my AH this week. I'm going through every emotion you can imagine. I saw him last Friday at our counseling session, and it went well, and I haven't seen him since, because he's been on a binge. He went to work today but I spoke to him on the phone and he sounded under the influence...of what, I'm not sure. He's sounded weird all week. You know when you can just tell it's not "him" on the phone? It's been a long time since he's drank this much. Anyway, I woke up with the worst migraine I've ever had this morning, along with dark circles under my eyes and weird chest pains. The doctor just prescribed me a sleep med, which I don't want to take, but I feel like I have to. I had a huge court filing due today, and I was literally sobbing as I worked on it. I feel like a complete mess. I'm not crying in front of the kids, thank goodness my family is around, but I know they can sense my stress.
He keeps calling tonight, and he's a mess. He sounds paranoid, so I'm figuring he's on more than alcohol. It's so scary when he gets like that, because I'm afraid he's going to hurt himself accidentally. I texted his mom in the UK and told her, because I felt like she should know. She hasn't been able to reach him for a week.
I wish I could detach but he's the father of my kids...this is like torture that I can't escape. I'm the only one he has in this country...I feel like I'm abandoning a sick person. Am I wrong to have told his mother? Ack I wish I could just shut my phone off, but he sounds so nuts that I'm afraid he'll be dead when I wake up in the morning.
What a nightmare. What happened to me and my life...I feel like it's been hijacked by alcohol...I wish I could just run away from all of this with my kids. But I feel like we're going to be plagued by it forever...
I've been through hell with my AH this week. I'm going through every emotion you can imagine. I saw him last Friday at our counseling session, and it went well, and I haven't seen him since, because he's been on a binge. He went to work today but I spoke to him on the phone and he sounded under the influence...of what, I'm not sure. He's sounded weird all week. You know when you can just tell it's not "him" on the phone? It's been a long time since he's drank this much. Anyway, I woke up with the worst migraine I've ever had this morning, along with dark circles under my eyes and weird chest pains. The doctor just prescribed me a sleep med, which I don't want to take, but I feel like I have to. I had a huge court filing due today, and I was literally sobbing as I worked on it. I feel like a complete mess. I'm not crying in front of the kids, thank goodness my family is around, but I know they can sense my stress.
He keeps calling tonight, and he's a mess. He sounds paranoid, so I'm figuring he's on more than alcohol. It's so scary when he gets like that, because I'm afraid he's going to hurt himself accidentally. I texted his mom in the UK and told her, because I felt like she should know. She hasn't been able to reach him for a week.
I wish I could detach but he's the father of my kids...this is like torture that I can't escape. I'm the only one he has in this country...I feel like I'm abandoning a sick person. Am I wrong to have told his mother? Ack I wish I could just shut my phone off, but he sounds so nuts that I'm afraid he'll be dead when I wake up in the morning.
What a nightmare. What happened to me and my life...I feel like it's been hijacked by alcohol...I wish I could just run away from all of this with my kids. But I feel like we're going to be plagued by it forever...
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 602
Originally Posted by EmmyG 
I wish I could detach but he's the father of my kids...this is like torture that I can't escape. I'm the only one he has in this country...I feel like I'm abandoning a sick person. Am I wrong to have told his mother? Ack I wish I could just shut my phone off, but he sounds so nuts that I'm afraid he'll be dead when I wake up in the morning.
Your kids need to have at least one sane parent. If you keep taking his calls you won't get out from under the crazy. Block his number. Tear off the bandaid as it were and do it.
You cannot control this situation. You did not cause this situation and you cannot prevent him from doing whatever he is going to do. I don't say this to shock you but even if the very worst happens and he does kill himself THAT TOO IS ABSOLUTELY OUT OF YOUR CONTROL.
So what if he emigrated to the US because of you? It's not like you brought him to some isolated ice floe in the antarctic. Even without the NHS there are LOADS of services available for people in crisis. IF HE WANTS HELP.
Just for 24 hours, block his texts. And then see how much more strength and clarity you'll have. I guarantee. Give it a try.
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Good morning, Emmy!
I hope you were able to turn off your phone and get some sleep last night. When he calls, you don't actually HAVE to speak to him if you don't want to.
I don't know what I would do in your situation, Emmy, but I do know that you are also worthwhile and deserve peace and joy in your life. You and your children......
It is possible to give up the ticket on the crazy-train anytime. Many hugs and prayers for you, your children, and your husband. HG
I hope you were able to turn off your phone and get some sleep last night. When he calls, you don't actually HAVE to speak to him if you don't want to.
I don't know what I would do in your situation, Emmy, but I do know that you are also worthwhile and deserve peace and joy in your life. You and your children......
It is possible to give up the ticket on the crazy-train anytime. Many hugs and prayers for you, your children, and your husband. HG
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
What exactly are you discussing with him about the kids? He's a babbling drunk, there are no clear and consice conversations. To me, you are using this as an excuse to keep talking to him, turn your phone off, you keep doing this to yourself and expect different results....why?
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: new moon road
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He's got you hooked, Emmy. When this happens, the disease is winning. He is out of control and you become out of control, too.
Find the number of the local AA in your town. The next time your husband calls, give him that number. Then end the call.
He is not alone in this country or in any country in the world, because AA is everywhere for alcoholics. It is open all day, every day, for anyone who wants to quit.
If your AH does not want to quit, does not want to go to AA, wants to stay loaded and harrass you, you can either willingly ride that crazy train or not.
Make some boundaries. Get tough.
Find the number of the local AA in your town. The next time your husband calls, give him that number. Then end the call.
He is not alone in this country or in any country in the world, because AA is everywhere for alcoholics. It is open all day, every day, for anyone who wants to quit.
If your AH does not want to quit, does not want to go to AA, wants to stay loaded and harrass you, you can either willingly ride that crazy train or not.
Make some boundaries. Get tough.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 485
I turned my phone to silent last night...when I woke up, I had two voice mails from him. He got arrested last night, I have no idea why. He said something about the neighbor trying to kill him. The police said he'll be released in a few hours. I'm not going home because I won't be around him when he's drinking. I'm just worried he will go home and go right back to drinking and not stop. I hate this.
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Join Date: Dec 2008
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I'm so glad you were able to get some peace last night, Emmy!
The extraordinarily sad truth of this is....he may, he may not, and there is nothing you can do to control what he does.
This may sound trite, and yes, it is easier said than done, but worrying about it will only cause more stress for you. I won't help him one single bit.
Can you turn off the phone, take the kids and go spend some fun time together today? Maybe go to the local park, take in a movie, order the jumbo popcorn?
I am really sorry to hear about all that is going on with your husband, Emmy. But you deserve peace and joy, too. I hope your day will be peaceful. It can be if you choose it to be.
Originally Posted by EmmyG
I'm just worried he will go home and go right back to drinking and not stop. I hate this.
This may sound trite, and yes, it is easier said than done, but worrying about it will only cause more stress for you. I won't help him one single bit.
Can you turn off the phone, take the kids and go spend some fun time together today? Maybe go to the local park, take in a movie, order the jumbo popcorn?
I am really sorry to hear about all that is going on with your husband, Emmy. But you deserve peace and joy, too. I hope your day will be peaceful. It can be if you choose it to be.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Oh Emmy!
I am sorry to read about the latest events.
However, I am glad to read that you took your power back last night by putting your phone on silent. Good on YOU!
Each time you take control of your life, you will feel more power returning to you.
It will happen, I promise!
Allow your AH the dignity of learning to take care of himself. He has options.
Keep taking care of yourself and your babies. We are here with you every step of the way. You are not alone!
I am sorry to read about the latest events.
However, I am glad to read that you took your power back last night by putting your phone on silent. Good on YOU!
Each time you take control of your life, you will feel more power returning to you.
It will happen, I promise!
Allow your AH the dignity of learning to take care of himself. He has options.
Keep taking care of yourself and your babies. We are here with you every step of the way. You are not alone!
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: new moon road
Posts: 1,545
Emmy,
I looked at your posts of the past 48 hours.
I agree with the posters above: do not speak with him again. (ignore my advice about the AA number). You are being brutalized and you are near emotional collapse from his assault.
Your husband is violent. He is an abuser and he destroys with language. He is a dominator and a tyrant. He is extremely out of control. He is profoundly dangerous to your mental stability and to the safety and welfare of your children.
If you speak with him again, if you have any contact with him again under any circumstance, you are at risk of complete breakdown.
Please follow the advice of everyone here: no more contact. No more marriage counseling. No more calling his mother.
If you have your own therapist, call that therapist right now. Tell the therapist you are in severe crisis. You should receive a return call within 24 hours.
You must call on all your support: SR, your friends, your family members, Al-Anon, therapy, your family doctor. You are in crisis and you are at risk.
No more contact. He has too much power over you.
You can do this, Emmy. You can do the right thing no matter how you are feeling inside. Do the right action.
I looked at your posts of the past 48 hours.
I agree with the posters above: do not speak with him again. (ignore my advice about the AA number). You are being brutalized and you are near emotional collapse from his assault.
Your husband is violent. He is an abuser and he destroys with language. He is a dominator and a tyrant. He is extremely out of control. He is profoundly dangerous to your mental stability and to the safety and welfare of your children.
If you speak with him again, if you have any contact with him again under any circumstance, you are at risk of complete breakdown.
Please follow the advice of everyone here: no more contact. No more marriage counseling. No more calling his mother.
If you have your own therapist, call that therapist right now. Tell the therapist you are in severe crisis. You should receive a return call within 24 hours.
You must call on all your support: SR, your friends, your family members, Al-Anon, therapy, your family doctor. You are in crisis and you are at risk.
No more contact. He has too much power over you.
You can do this, Emmy. You can do the right thing no matter how you are feeling inside. Do the right action.
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,754
Originally Posted by EmmyG
I turned my phone to silent last night...when I woke up, I had two voice mails from him. He got arrested last night, I have no idea why. He said something about the neighbor trying to kill him. The police said he'll be released in a few hours. I'm not going home because I won't be around him when he's drinking. I'm just worried he will go home and go right back to drinking and not stop. I hate this.
Stay safe, get the support you need, we are here, please Em stick with nc for awhile, you will begin to see how much more peaceful your life will become.
love to you Katie
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 433
Emmy, I am so sorry things are going so badly. It seems your husband is really heading for his downfall. As terrible as things seem right now, it really is the best thing for him. Either he will hit his bottom and get help, or he will keep falling and you can continue to stay away from him.
What is happening right now is not good for you or your children. The best thing to do is stay uninvolved. Hang in there. I know it may be hard to believe that doing nothing for your husband and staying away from him is the best thing you can do for him, but it really is.
What is happening right now is not good for you or your children. The best thing to do is stay uninvolved. Hang in there. I know it may be hard to believe that doing nothing for your husband and staying away from him is the best thing you can do for him, but it really is.
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Emmy G
I just want you to know that kind thoughts are heading your way. For you, your children, and for you situation.
I also want to say that whatever you are feeling is okay. It is such a chaotic time and we only make it worse by judging ourselves for the feelings and emotions we are having.
This is why you are with your parents. So you and the kids are safe and sound regardless of the choices your husband makes.
I just want you to know that kind thoughts are heading your way. For you, your children, and for you situation.
I also want to say that whatever you are feeling is okay. It is such a chaotic time and we only make it worse by judging ourselves for the feelings and emotions we are having.
This is why you are with your parents. So you and the kids are safe and sound regardless of the choices your husband makes.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
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Originally Posted by fourmaggie
WHOs ADDICTED TO WHO? (cant figure it out...)
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Join Date: Jul 2010
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Hey dear Emmy,
You know the expression "take what you want and leave the rest"? It sounds kinda trite but it can be helpful, especially when it's an open forum like this. If one or two posts rub you the wrong way, I hope you'll just blip over and continue reading.
I say this especially because you're in some serious isolation now and dealing with some awful emotional abuse. And there's some really good advice you're getting here.
You should be EXTREMELY proud of yourself that you're reaching out like this and keeping away from The Crazy the best you can. A lesser woman than you would just go "yeah, it's not that bad" and then doom their kids to rotten childhood.
All that said, however, go ahead and let it out if you're feeling angry! Being ANGRY at a time like this is a good sign--that's your Credible Hulk coming out, giving you the strength you need.
You know the expression "take what you want and leave the rest"? It sounds kinda trite but it can be helpful, especially when it's an open forum like this. If one or two posts rub you the wrong way, I hope you'll just blip over and continue reading.
I say this especially because you're in some serious isolation now and dealing with some awful emotional abuse. And there's some really good advice you're getting here.
You should be EXTREMELY proud of yourself that you're reaching out like this and keeping away from The Crazy the best you can. A lesser woman than you would just go "yeah, it's not that bad" and then doom their kids to rotten childhood.
All that said, however, go ahead and let it out if you're feeling angry! Being ANGRY at a time like this is a good sign--that's your Credible Hulk coming out, giving you the strength you need.
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Irish
Posts: 552
He must have some deep problems that he cant seem to work out emmy...Drinking wont help him now.
He does not realise this ....but he has to figure it out eventually himself.
Does he want to loose you and the Kids ?....Its coming near that time now.
I can see that you still love something about him...But he has to be able to take respossibility for His actions and look after his Family First.
The last time I went on a bender...my wife left me...bringing our Child with her....I Followed them....I have not drank sense.
As well as going to AA at the start, I now go to ACA as well..
For Yourself.....You need support...please get to an Al Anon Meeting.:ghug3
He does not realise this ....but he has to figure it out eventually himself.
Does he want to loose you and the Kids ?....Its coming near that time now.
I can see that you still love something about him...But he has to be able to take respossibility for His actions and look after his Family First.
The last time I went on a bender...my wife left me...bringing our Child with her....I Followed them....I have not drank sense.
As well as going to AA at the start, I now go to ACA as well..
For Yourself.....You need support...please get to an Al Anon Meeting.:ghug3
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 95
Emmy, I moved out of the home we shared with my stb ex ah 3 weeks ago. I was worried sick about him, he was drinking non-stop. He was suicidal. Then he took off 4 days ago to live with his mother in Puerto Rico. He did not even tell us he was leaving nor say goodbye to our kids. When I finally did hear from him, he was so hateful and full of blame towards me. His words were meant to be hurtful, fortunately they were so completely out of touch with reality that I couldn't be hurt by them even if I wanted to.
I realized then that his addiction is in complete control of him. I can't help him and worrying about his well being is useless. He isn't worried about us after all. I can only worry about me and my kids. I've gone two days with NC.
One thing that has really helped me is focusing on the things that we enjoy yet couldn't do when he was around. Last night we went out to a pizza place that we love but he didn't like it so we never got to go. We had a great time. Even the simple things like waking up to a quiet house...he was always blasting music. I have to focus on the positive aspects or else I'll go crazy.
If you are truly worried he may harm himself, contact the authorities and tell them he is in danger of harming himself. Maybe they can have him held in a psych facility for an evaluation for 72 hours or so. That way, you will know for a fact he is safe and you can regroup and get your priorities straight.
I realized then that his addiction is in complete control of him. I can't help him and worrying about his well being is useless. He isn't worried about us after all. I can only worry about me and my kids. I've gone two days with NC.
One thing that has really helped me is focusing on the things that we enjoy yet couldn't do when he was around. Last night we went out to a pizza place that we love but he didn't like it so we never got to go. We had a great time. Even the simple things like waking up to a quiet house...he was always blasting music. I have to focus on the positive aspects or else I'll go crazy.
If you are truly worried he may harm himself, contact the authorities and tell them he is in danger of harming himself. Maybe they can have him held in a psych facility for an evaluation for 72 hours or so. That way, you will know for a fact he is safe and you can regroup and get your priorities straight.
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