Does your A constantly have the T.V. or noise going 24/7???
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 30
Does your A constantly have the T.V. or noise going 24/7???
I was going to take a poll on networking site about this, oh my gosh, what I would give for quite!! do you guys live with the television blarring 24,7? My AH goes to sleep with it on and never turns it off, he is hard of hearing and has it blarring. Who does this? It drives me crazy. I can't get any sleep and usually end up on the couch so I can sleep. It makes me so mad. He can't talk or have a conversation. Its like he has to have something to focus on where he doesn't have to talk to anyone. He will have two or three movies rented a night and after that he keeps the television going on the murder mystery channel or something like that. Its insane. There are no boundaries with an A. thanks for listening, just wondered if this was common.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Yes mi ex Alcoholic bf had "music" (kind of heavy metal, violent stuff) even to sleep, and it was high volume.. also TV or he kept playing World of Warcraft many hours in the night.
It is not fair for you to sleep on the couch.. have you talked to him about this?
It is not fair for you to sleep on the couch.. have you talked to him about this?
Lot Of Love Out There, Man.
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Missouri
Posts: 137
rhondaseven, I am fortunate not to have a spouse in my life right now. 
I do have a couple of friends that are A’s in recovery. One of them, 8 years sober, does have the TV on all the time. Speaking for myself, I will usually have at least one TV and/or radio on 24/7. It helps to quite my tinnitus. Also, the more bent I get that my day followed HPs plan and not mine, my ADD tends to go into high gear and I need the noise to focus and quiet my mind. An hour of noise and then I am back to soft electronic/classical music that others can tolerate.
I do have a couple of friends that are A’s in recovery. One of them, 8 years sober, does have the TV on all the time. Speaking for myself, I will usually have at least one TV and/or radio on 24/7. It helps to quite my tinnitus. Also, the more bent I get that my day followed HPs plan and not mine, my ADD tends to go into high gear and I need the noise to focus and quiet my mind. An hour of noise and then I am back to soft electronic/classical music that others can tolerate.
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 181
I get woken up in the middle of the night to the tv blaring and have to get out of bed and go to the living room to shut it off. I would think it was funny that I could be woken up by the noise but he slept right through it in the same room. Now I realize he was passed out drunk those times. We used to have cinemax and Ive been woken up also by sex scenes and told him to stop leaving that on for heavens sake in case the kids woke up and saw that...
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,349
Yes, my AH does have the TV on or the radio on his office during work hours. It's almost non stop. I think it has more to do with his ADHD and needing background noise or something. I did think, early on in our marriage, that he was addicted to television because he ALWAYS watched TV but I think it's his escape. So, I guess it was an addiction that replaced the drinking for years but once he started drinking again the TV was still on; so was he dealing with 2 addictions? Who knows. My ADD son hates having noise on while he's doing schoolwork and my AH will go into the family room and turn on the TV when he knows we're doing school work and I have to go out there and ask him to turn it off. He's gotten better about watching Netflix on his computer with headphones in his office, though.
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Nevada City Ca
Posts: 26
My XABF would keep the TV/DVD on all night.. usually with some very disturbing and violent Japanese horror film. It drove me so crazy that near the end of our relationship, we weren't even sleeping in the same bed/room anymore. He would eventually fall asleep around 4am with it blasting. I can't imagine what that can do to the psyche and the subconscious mind while one is sleeping. It can't be good. It did get worse and worse though as he slowly slipped out of his recovery program...and finally left me and our daughter and began drinking again.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
StarlightSasha my XABF is still drinking after I left, some years ago, very sad.
Just today I got news from a friend's friend that "liked to party", well they were going to the beach this weekend. He suddenly felt really bad and is now in the hospital. He became blind all of a sudden. There are always consequences to our actions, it is better for us not to be around destructive people. Hugs.
Just today I got news from a friend's friend that "liked to party", well they were going to the beach this weekend. He suddenly felt really bad and is now in the hospital. He became blind all of a sudden. There are always consequences to our actions, it is better for us not to be around destructive people. Hugs.
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Nevada City Ca
Posts: 26
Thank you, Taking Charge. I appreciate that. Wow, I just spent a half an hour writing a response, and must have accidentally hit a button on my keyboard and lost it all. Second time today that happened. Ugh............ I have to go to bed now, but thanks again and hugs back to you, too. Maybe I will try to rewrite my response tomorrow.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
My ex had his room and I had my room. He took over the living room, I had the den.
He watched TV constantly, 24/7. He never had the volume up, I think it was because he wanted to know where I was, and what I was doing. I hated his room, he also had the lights out, which meant, you can't speak to him. There were a few occasions that he would put the light on in "his room" meaning that he wanted me to speak to him, or he wanted company. I bit a few times, but he just wanted to rage.
The few times that he was OK when I was in his room, I would have to ask him to put the volume up, so that I could hear. He responded with, why? they just keep saying the same BS over and over. OK, got out of "his room".
He watched TV constantly, 24/7. He never had the volume up, I think it was because he wanted to know where I was, and what I was doing. I hated his room, he also had the lights out, which meant, you can't speak to him. There were a few occasions that he would put the light on in "his room" meaning that he wanted me to speak to him, or he wanted company. I bit a few times, but he just wanted to rage.
The few times that he was OK when I was in his room, I would have to ask him to put the volume up, so that I could hear. He responded with, why? they just keep saying the same BS over and over. OK, got out of "his room".
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Midlands
Posts: 201
My ex could never be in silence or alone.
He 'needed' the TV on in order to fall asleep. I prefer silence and peace.
Sometimes i would allow him the tv on as long as the sound was on VERY LOW and i could sleep. Other times he would fall asleep before me and i'd turn the tv off afterward.
Sometimes i would have to have a mini argument where i plead with him to turn the tv off 'just this once' as i have work in the morning and he doesn't.
He would moan, then turn the tv off. He would complain on and off for about ten minutes that it's too quiet and he can't sleep without the tv. If he was tired enough he usually does eventually drift off.
It's a mental thing.
He also can't be alone at all. When he lived with me, if i said i was going out to a friends house for the evening, he would say 'well i'll go out too then if you're going out. You can't leave me on my own.'
He could not be on his own in the house if i wasn't there. He needed company constantly.
He even would admit it to me sometimes that he wasn't good in his own company.
Maybe this is part of the reason he was always 'looking for the party'.
He 'needed' the TV on in order to fall asleep. I prefer silence and peace.
Sometimes i would allow him the tv on as long as the sound was on VERY LOW and i could sleep. Other times he would fall asleep before me and i'd turn the tv off afterward.
Sometimes i would have to have a mini argument where i plead with him to turn the tv off 'just this once' as i have work in the morning and he doesn't.
He would moan, then turn the tv off. He would complain on and off for about ten minutes that it's too quiet and he can't sleep without the tv. If he was tired enough he usually does eventually drift off.
It's a mental thing.
He also can't be alone at all. When he lived with me, if i said i was going out to a friends house for the evening, he would say 'well i'll go out too then if you're going out. You can't leave me on my own.'
He could not be on his own in the house if i wasn't there. He needed company constantly.
He even would admit it to me sometimes that he wasn't good in his own company.
Maybe this is part of the reason he was always 'looking for the party'.
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Another Earth
Posts: 172
I find this interesting. My ex, supposedly R,AB was the same way. As soon as his eyes opened the TV would go on, be on the entire time we were home and he'd stay up later than me watching TV. I refused to have one in our bedroom. Also, he'd rent 100's of movies. When we were in counseling, I do recall the therapist commenting that she thought he had undiagnosed ADHD. I don't like to put labels, but I agreed with her. He could not be still and it seems he needed constant stimulation...maybe to not have to "think"?
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
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Yes! He's always been that way & interestingly, also has ADD issues. I guessed that it was something akin to newborns liking 'white noise' to help them sleep. He maintains that it helps him quiet his mind, like Chris mentioned above.
We compromise by using the sleep timer on our TV - he needs it to fall asleep but doesn't need it on all night. While I can deal with it at bedtime because I fall asleep easily, I absolutely *hate* waking in the middle of the night to blaring tv noise. No matter how low the volume.... it seems like it's screaming. I'd still prefer it to be off but it's not a deal breaker since we found a compromise that works.
We compromise by using the sleep timer on our TV - he needs it to fall asleep but doesn't need it on all night. While I can deal with it at bedtime because I fall asleep easily, I absolutely *hate* waking in the middle of the night to blaring tv noise. No matter how low the volume.... it seems like it's screaming. I'd still prefer it to be off but it's not a deal breaker since we found a compromise that works.
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Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 73
Apparently this must be a common thing with alcoholics because my a.b.f. does this too absolutely drives me insane.. I wonder if its to take their mind of their guilty conscious and to keep their mind off the booze when they done have any.
It does make one think doesn't it. Sometimes I go off on him and say turn that down its driving me crazy.
It does make one think doesn't it. Sometimes I go off on him and say turn that down its driving me crazy.
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
Originally Posted by tomsteve 
this ex drunk had the radio or tv goin all the time when i was drinkin to try and block out the committee that was arguing in my mellon.
this made me laugh out loud. ME TOO! they would not stop their jabberin'!
:ghug3
Beth
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Midlands
Posts: 201
Yeah it seems common by the look of it.
He only had the tv on when it was evening and ready for bed mostly.
In the day he was always out doing things and working. He only 'needed' it on after dark really.
I think it might be to help quiet the mind and agree with those above. He gets a lot of head tension so i'm not sure if it helps him distract his mind away from that.
He only had the tv on when it was evening and ready for bed mostly.
In the day he was always out doing things and working. He only 'needed' it on after dark really.
I think it might be to help quiet the mind and agree with those above. He gets a lot of head tension so i'm not sure if it helps him distract his mind away from that.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,796
I just want to say, I have ADD and I used to need COMPLETE SILENCE to be able to concentrate on anything. Medication has helped somewhat, but loud tv/music is annoying to me. I think it varies from person to person. Some people need the tv on to fall asleep, but if I even try that I'm up all night watching stupid stuff and never go to sleep.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: SW PA
Posts: 52
Yep, mine too. Drove me absolutely nutz! He would have TWO tvs on at once, in two different rooms, and both of them blasting. Over the years he got a little better with the volume (unless he was mad at me). I tried the sleep timer route but within a minute of it shutting off he was awake and turning it back on again. The only time he could sleep in silence was when he was dead drunk. Even then a deep sleep never lasted more than 2 or 3 hours.
No sign of ADHD/ADD.
I often told him I thought it was because he had to be constantly entertained and was afraid to be alone with his own thoughts...
No sign of ADHD/ADD.
I often told him I thought it was because he had to be constantly entertained and was afraid to be alone with his own thoughts...
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