Aibreanowl

I'm finally understanding step one...a duh. I'm in a 12 step for other reasons myself and seem to be doing fine there (hard, but I'm working on the steps and applying them to life), but haven't been able to bring it on over to dealing with my alcoholic husband.

However, today I believe I finally took the first step. I am completely powerless over DH's drinking and my life is utterly unmanageable. That became very clear as my sponsor (from the other group) told me to do a mini step 4 on my husband...what became clear is that I'm just as messed up as he is!

I immediately did step two...another big duh in my book....and am now stuck right on step three.

Well, I'm not stuck. I've done it...I continue to do it (pray that god shows me his will for me and to give me the power and ability to carry that out in ALL areas of my life this time, and not just with my food)...but it doesn't stick and I'm right back in the worry.

It all came so easy with my other problem (for which I go to my 12 step)...but this...maybe this is my REAL problem? LOL. Well, one I've not spent 6 years dealing with anyway. Ugh.

So I turn it over and trust God will show his will to me and take care of me.

So until I'm shown some sort of answer...I just wait (?????)

I'm currently seperated from my husband...I just freaked out on him 2 days ago and told him I never want to see him again and I'm mostly serious. It's been 3.5 years of dealing with his alcoholism. I'm pretty sure I don't want to be married to an active alcoholic...and I don't want to do this anymore.

Oh wait...there is that word again...WANT...what I want...that is what gets me in trouble EVERY time.

This is hard, eh? And the promises will really come true for me if I just do this work. It works if you work it. I'm having faith...too many with many years of sobriety/involvement/abstinence...whatever, are too happy for me to give up yet. I may WANT those promises...but it is that want...that "weakness that binds me together" with all of you. I'm willing to do this...but...it works if you work it, I'm worth it...But it is work!!!

Blessings,
AB

SUNFLOWERGIRL29

I know the feeling!!I am finally aware that I have faults- I knew before enough to say sorry, to try and be a "good" person and give, give, give (people pleasin' maybe???!!!), but to actually admit that me- smart and "good" was actually not so perfect is such a huge humilty issue that I didn't have before. Like the A, I too had to hit a bottom where I felt soooo low, I even thought of suicide for a brief moment just to end the pain (knew I couldn't go through with it- thought of my kids, loved ones), but still.... I came on here instead, spent a few days not leaving this forum, and when I did I was out at a meeting or talking to someone "healthy" who helped me find the way out of the hell I felt. Anyways, I am also on the third step, I will be here a while- I believe in a HP but it is such a conscious effort to remember that when I feel good, bad, whatever, that I must pray for help or to thank for how far I have gotten in a week. I was in the program years ago for 2 years, went to meetings about 4 days a week, had an awesome sponsor, but that humility/courage to change myself was not there.
I like what you wrote on your last line... it is sure work!!!! (Definitely worth it though!!)
Peace in recovery!!
Sunflowergirl29

myles1

Hi,

Instead of using "want" I try to use "need" pray for what I need.

maybe you don't "need" to be married to an alcoholic any longer and quite possibly if you came to that conclusion you may find your thing with food would become manageable.

I remember getting suicidal in my relationship with my ex, it was so insane and my behaviour was so sick.

Ngaire

JT

I don't see one thing wrong with wanting...you want peace in your life, you want what others have, you want thw promises to come true. Wanting those things is the great motivator!

Step 3 for me was in stops and starts. Sure I could turn it over but I couldn't stop taking it back. Stay aware, step outside your self and notice when you are resuming control. Often there is a common theme when we try to take back the reigns. And yes...it does involve waiting. It also involves being open not only to that elusive voice upstairs but to everything around us. You will know it when you hear it only if you are listening.

Hugs,
JT