AlreadyAlone

Just spent time for tea with a friend. Crying, but have to go to school this evening. I do worry that he got drunk and did something rash- he was very angry all week, at everything. I've noted this past while that his binges, anger, rants, etc have been steadily increasing over the past 6 weeks.

I am getting nothing but pain out of this relationship, and watching my dreams swirl down the clogged drain he never fixed. If he's still alive, I will tell him I can't live like this anymore. I am just not cut out to live with the alcohol monster. I think this is what my bottom feels like.

AlreadyAlone

I feel weird today, and tension still not relieved. ABF still had not been to apartment when I got out of evening class, and the guy he had plans with for that had called the house a couple times. He is also an acquaintance of mine, so I called him, and told him about he vanishing act, that I was upset, couldn't cope, and don't know what to do! God threw me a lifeline in him.

I went to his house, we came up with a crazy action plan, and at some point I sent a carefully worded text to ABF asking him to contact me, just to confirm he was OK. He replied he was ok and on his way home- and i told my friend i only half believed the text. Trust is shot. Got home, ABF was not concerned- has some crazy story I will hear this am when he gets up.

Well today I see how people more used to this would not get so freaked out- I acknowledge that it put me in full panic mode. And I really started to believe he was dead. My lifeline said no, but confirmed that ABF has been drinking at his house lately, when over the past few years he has not. So, devolving. I listened to everyone here to not call the police ( I suppose now that I have enough witnesses to his behaviour, the cops will know it wasn't me...) it was part of my panic, and lack of acceptance that all this is truly happening. I think lifeline is also codie to his partner- when i said i might have to end the relationship, he said no, we can try to repair it, he would do what he could to be a better influence! Now I have to work on my boundaries...

mcconnell922

Hi AloneAlready your story sounds alot like mine on numerous occasions in the past month my AH has done a disappearing act, but unlike you i went looking found him passed out in his car and brought him back, but this sunday I had a call from him whilst at work saying he'd crashed his car, drunk! (luckily no-one was hurt) He stayed at his mothers (she rang me) I thought no I wont pander anymore and stayed away until Monday pm I went to drop off meds when he was rude so I said stuff you took his door keys and went home. He appeared Tuesday morning thinking it was Monday very sheepish and apologetic saying it wasn't fair on me and crying etc etc he went to the doctor Weds for "this is your last chance someone was looking out for you" talk and has promised to go to AA next week. It took a real big shock (loosing days and crashing the car) to get to this stage but i'm still prepared to give him a chance to prove himself. Do what you want to do, how many chances do you give your AH set boundaries and stick to them I am going to, I am going to use SR for help and start councilling on Monday. Good luck what ever you choose to do

JellyBean123

I always have nightmares when AH does that. It makes it 10 times worse! They make my anger worse cause I just become paranoid. I hate those nightmares.

fourmaggie