Fixers unite (the only way to keep it together)

Old 06-07-2012, 04:00 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by choublak View Post
I just wanted to say, I actually have ADHD, and I can relate to starting a bunch of "projects" and never finishing them. I have to work at it in order to be able to pace myself (one thing at a time) and make sure I follow through on things. LOL definitely not a fixer. Just thought I'd offer another perspective.
It's weird that I think there is a difference between ADHD and ADD, and that they don't use the ADD diagnosis anymore. I just had my son tested and he came back as ADHD-not otherwise specified. So, the doc said he had traits of ADHD but not all of them like the impulse control and hyperactivity. Mostly he's just inattentive and has processing problems and memory recall issues but I'm taking him to a neuropsychologist next week to find out more about those. I am totally ADD and space out, tune people out, have trouble reading a book all the way through, etc but I have absolutely no trouble finishing a task once I start it. AH starts projects and leaves them half finished or 1/4th finished.

I have told my son that I will do whatever it takes to help him work through his ADD stuff. I give him more time to complete things. I keep instructions short. I assign his readings to time chunks instead of to number of pages read, etc. All in all, I know I have a great kid but it's so hard to watch them struggle with the learning problems and ADD stuff. I have no idea how I got As and Bs in school because I swear I was always staring out the window, LOL!
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Old 06-07-2012, 04:15 PM
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I used a pick-axe, (is that how you spell it) today. The house that I bought has about 1/3 of an acre, all of it has this red rock stuff on it, so it not really good for making a garden, but I am trying. Just a bunch of weeds growing on it now. Getting together next week with someone (who has real machinery) to help me get going. I have loads of flowers and shrubs on my deck just waiting to go in the ground.

I remember when I first left my ex, I felt like I wasn't capable of anything.

I moved into my friends second house (the one that they would move into eventually), and I just developed this attitude. DON'T TELL ME I CAN'T DO THIS, IF I THINK I CAN THEN I WILL. Well needless to say, I did everything that I said I could, even though I never did it before.

I see that you have that same attitude. Don't let anything hold you back. YOU CAN DO IT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You already are doing it
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Old 06-07-2012, 06:20 PM
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When I met my AH, I was divorced. When that marriage ended, I swore I will never ever get married again. "I will never ever be with a man with an ex wife. I will never ever deal with step children again." (Obviously from these statements I had some serious issues in the past). So, I met a man that had not been married and had no children. (We were both 43 when we met and married 6 years later)

The problem is when you set boundaries, they tend to change. I missed the part about I would never marry an alcoholic. (When I met AH he had been sober for 15 years) And obviously I missed the "never ever get married" mantra I chanted so often.

Confusious say....NEVER say never.
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Old 06-07-2012, 07:04 PM
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You can't always control who walks into your life. But you can control which window you throw them out of! (Thankfully for some, I have a 1 story home)
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Old 06-07-2012, 09:14 PM
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Originally Posted by amy55 View Post
I am sympathetic to people who actually do have medical diagnosis, but only as long as they are doing what they can to help themselves.
That's the problem. So many people are NOT diagnosed, so nobody knows anything. I've had the "you have the mentality of a whatever-year-old" countless times before, both before and after my diagnosis, albeit mostly by my frustrated parents. I've come to stop caring about that. Anyway, point being, you can't do jack to help yourself if you don't know what's going on! And that was me, for many years!

Having said that, ADHD, much like alcoholism, is statistically more prevalent in males, and in females is often overlooked and undiagnosed.
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Old 06-07-2012, 09:18 PM
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I don't think anyone should be sympathetic to or stay in a relationship with an abusive person. Sorry if I came off that way.
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Old 06-07-2012, 11:35 PM
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Originally Posted by choublak View Post
I don't think anyone should be sympathetic to or stay in a relationship with an abusive person. Sorry if I came off that way.


Well, you do. My ex most likely did have depression, bipolar, or maybe ADHD. Did it matter, did he care? No, he didn't So, I will state again, if someone has some medical condition, and is trying to get help for themself, then I would be sympathetic.

And again, I didn't count to 1000 after reading this, but if I am banned that is ok.

If someone is hurting another person, I really don't care why, or what excuses they have, if you have a medical condition, then go see a doctor, go to therapy, and if needed, go on meds.

Just don't keep hoping or demanding that people will give you leeway or sympathy for your medical condition, if you are hurting the people around you, and not doing anything to help yourself to be a better person.

Don't expect a free card just because. And IMHO you hijacked this, to make it about you, instead of the OP.





So can we continue with the OP? and leave your issues into your own thread?
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Old 06-08-2012, 01:07 AM
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Originally Posted by lizatola View Post
It's weird that I think there is a difference between ADHD and ADD, and that they don't use the ADD diagnosis anymore. I just had my son tested and he came back as ADHD-not otherwise specified. So, the doc said he had traits of ADHD but not all of them like the impulse control and hyperactivity. Mostly he's just inattentive and has processing problems and memory recall issues but I'm taking him to a neuropsychologist next week to find out more about those. I am totally ADD and space out, tune people out, have trouble reading a book all the way through, etc but I have absolutely no trouble finishing a task once I start it. AH starts projects and leaves them half finished or 1/4th finished.

I have told my son that I will do whatever it takes to help him work through his ADD stuff. I give him more time to complete things. I keep instructions short. I assign his readings to time chunks instead of to number of pages read, etc. All in all, I know I have a great kid but it's so hard to watch them struggle with the learning problems and ADD stuff. I have no idea how I got As and Bs in school because I swear I was always staring out the window, LOL!
I have ADD, diagnosed when I was about 48. I'm 54 now. (god, that feels old to say that.



I can't finish anything, actually have a very difficult time initiating any action either, though I am improved since meds. Mostly I "medicate" with compulsive hours and hours on the computer. Medication did help, though. I was so disabled before, I don't know how I was surviving. Certainly, huge doses of self-loathing, since I couldn't figure out why I was such a mess and couldn't do the things that other people seemed to have no trouble with.

Guess it's no wonder that I've always ended up with messed up people and more than one A, since I've felt afraid of and extremely intimidated by "normal" people. My "lazyness" problems made XAbf very angry.

My XAbf is not ADD at ALL. He would keep going on a project no matter how long it took. Fixed and built a lot of major things around the house. So wonderful; but to try and stop myself from the grief of losing him now, I need to remember that then he would stay out in the garage drinking. And rage at me for my lazyness.

P.S. About ADD vs ADHD I don't know why the Psychiatry/Medical community decided to change the name from ADD to ADHD. Frankly, I find it detrimental to girls and women. Why? Because ADD Non-hyperactive is MUCH MORE COMMON in girls than in boys. However, ADD non-hyperactive is not very disruptive to others (like, in classroom situations, for example.) Therefore, it is very easy to overlook, and girls (and the few boys who are non-hyper) go undetected. Daydreaming their lives away, and flying under the "radar". Sometimes, teachers and the "system" will even deny testing and help to the ADD/non-hyper, because everything seems fine. They're not causing a disturbance, so of course nothing could be wrong. Their grades may be in the toilet, but they don't fit the stereotype, don't fit THE NAME (AD **Hyperactive**D), and don't create the DEMAND for intervention that hyperactive kids (mostly boys) do.

I had this discussion with a woman who was FIGHTING on her daughter's behalf to get testing. She knew something was wrong, but she had to carry on the War of 1812 with the school because even though the daughter was having terrible academic struggles, they refused to believe that a quiet, cooperative, passive, daydreaming little girl warranted any help.
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