He says he's going to the clinic to get help
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,243
Originally Posted by anwa 
Yes, that helps, thanks. It may take me awhile to get the courage to call (I have a problem with calling, too) but I have more information now so hopefully I can manage soon.
Now you are posting and sharing your story... your e,s and h. It is one step at a time.
The people you are meeting here online are similar to the people you will meet in alanon. Only they will be flesh and blood and you will feel their empathy...you will see their tears... and you will know you are not alone.
We are meant for community and it is healing. No pressure. One day at a time. One step at a time. Breathe. Smell the flowers. Visit. Share... and more will be revealed.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Bentonville AR
Posts: 1
Hello anwa. Just wanted to tell you I can truly sympathize with you. I am an alcoholic myself just a couple days sober now. I've had a problem with drinking since I was about 15. All my relationships have ended for the most part due to my drinking. I regretted hurting girlfriends and family very much but I didn't really want to quit until now.its such a hard thing to quit because of the withdrawals. I'm sure he is a great person and is tired of hurting you but I know in my experience I didn't feel like I had a choice. I wish you the best of luck. Sincerely, Justin
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: California
Posts: 51
Thanks Justin! I appreciate your response. What made you decide to quit? My boyfriend says that he wants to quit so he can be with me. He's made a commitment to me and wants to be my husband someday. I'd love to marry him but he has to be sober and remain that way. He's extremely nice to me, never puts me down, supports me in reaching my goals, and we have the most fabulous conversations all the time. We get along great. I don't want him to drink because I don't like drinking and what it does to people. I don't want to be with a drunk all the time. I get that enough in my family. Also he has, obviously, medical problems because of his drinking which just get worse and worse. I know he may have issues in his future even if he quits now but that's a workable thing. You know what I mean?
Anyway, I am interested to find out why you quit even though you've hurt people in the past. What made you do it this time? Did you make the decision then quit the same day or did you hesitate for awhile and struggle getting sober for the few days you've been clean? I hope you're getting care for the withdraws. What is making you stick with it even though the withdraws are bad?
Anyway, I am interested to find out why you quit even though you've hurt people in the past. What made you do it this time? Did you make the decision then quit the same day or did you hesitate for awhile and struggle getting sober for the few days you've been clean? I hope you're getting care for the withdraws. What is making you stick with it even though the withdraws are bad?
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: California
Posts: 51
Hopeworks,
I came here looking for information on the process of recovery for an alcoholic because I needed to understand what happens when they quit. I don't remember if I posted something right away but I do remember reading a bunch of posts and thought this was a good place to be. I tend to not have a problem sharing information online. My boyfriend knows I come here and while he gets irritated sometimes with the information I relay back to him, he realizes that I am only doing it in the best of intentions. He gets upset when I tell him people tell me to break up and stay away and he'll never get better. It's not just in this forum that people tell me that. He's afraid of me leaving him.
I also go to another forum relating to my issues. I posted there about him and his drinking and how I felt about it (REALLY bad night for me) one night because this forum was down and I couldn't post. While I got a lot of responses, they weren't as helpful as this thread has been.
Thanks everyone! I'll keep posting, reading and updating.
I came here looking for information on the process of recovery for an alcoholic because I needed to understand what happens when they quit. I don't remember if I posted something right away but I do remember reading a bunch of posts and thought this was a good place to be. I tend to not have a problem sharing information online. My boyfriend knows I come here and while he gets irritated sometimes with the information I relay back to him, he realizes that I am only doing it in the best of intentions. He gets upset when I tell him people tell me to break up and stay away and he'll never get better. It's not just in this forum that people tell me that. He's afraid of me leaving him.
I also go to another forum relating to my issues. I posted there about him and his drinking and how I felt about it (REALLY bad night for me) one night because this forum was down and I couldn't post. While I got a lot of responses, they weren't as helpful as this thread has been.
Thanks everyone! I'll keep posting, reading and updating.
Being Silent so I can Hear
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,521
Originally Posted by anvilhead
My boyfriend says that he wants to quit so he can be with me.
and yet he won't quit. he says, he says, he says, yet he does not DO. in many ways you two are very much alike, you both have reasons/excuses why you CAN'T get help......
and yet he won't quit. he says, he says, he says, yet he does not DO. in many ways you two are very much alike, you both have reasons/excuses why you CAN'T get help......
Yah, they pretty much do.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: California
Posts: 51
We're long distance so that's why I have to say "says". I don't see actions, unfortunately. I moved away about 3 months ago. I don't know if he actually went to the doctor or is taking meds other than what he tells me and how he acts on the phone. I also don't know exactly how much he's drinking or not drinking. I saw him about a month and a half ago and he looked like crap and I was really worried about him which prompted with my intervention.
I talked to him today about why he decided to quit this time and he said that he told his mom that he wanted to die (suicide by alcohol) and she started crying which pains him. Also at the same time I was confronting him with his drinking problem and telling him it was affecting me in a negative way and hurting me which also pains him. He said he doesn't want to hurt those he cares about and he's doing that by drinking so he wants to quit. He's scared of acute withdraws (specifically seizures) which is making it hard for him to not have a drink. Everyday there's a little more hope.
I talked to him today about why he decided to quit this time and he said that he told his mom that he wanted to die (suicide by alcohol) and she started crying which pains him. Also at the same time I was confronting him with his drinking problem and telling him it was affecting me in a negative way and hurting me which also pains him. He said he doesn't want to hurt those he cares about and he's doing that by drinking so he wants to quit. He's scared of acute withdraws (specifically seizures) which is making it hard for him to not have a drink. Everyday there's a little more hope.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: California
Posts: 51
<start rant>
I'm REALLY tired of hearing that I'm making excuses not to get help when I'm in therapy FOR MYSELF, not him, and have only had one session dedicated to this issue. I'm also on medications for MYSELF and my own problems. I actively do research into my own problem along with his including coming to this website asking for support and advice. So I don't get why I'm supposedly not able to get help and making excuses for not doing so. It really pisses me off. I have a legit medical condition which makes it difficult for me to do things that most people can do which is go to a group of people you don't know and talk about your problems in person. I have tried to go into a support groups and have major panic attacks in the parking lot. It's a struggle to even get to the parking lot in the first place. But they aren't excuses for not going into the meeting, sitting down and listening/talking.
</end rant>
I'm REALLY tired of hearing that I'm making excuses not to get help when I'm in therapy FOR MYSELF, not him, and have only had one session dedicated to this issue. I'm also on medications for MYSELF and my own problems. I actively do research into my own problem along with his including coming to this website asking for support and advice. So I don't get why I'm supposedly not able to get help and making excuses for not doing so. It really pisses me off. I have a legit medical condition which makes it difficult for me to do things that most people can do which is go to a group of people you don't know and talk about your problems in person. I have tried to go into a support groups and have major panic attacks in the parking lot. It's a struggle to even get to the parking lot in the first place. But they aren't excuses for not going into the meeting, sitting down and listening/talking.
</end rant>
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,898
A long distance relationship is extremely difficult under the best of circumstances. A long distance relationship with an addict is nearly impossible. You cannot see any actions, so you either have to take his word for it or listen closely when you talk on the phone. An alcoholic can fool a lot of people. They know when to call so they won't slur words and they know what to say to keep you hoping and believing.
I'm not saying he is lying, I'm just saying that with you being long distance, you just can't really know for sure. He might be telling the truth, but then again, it might all be lies. In the meantime, you are holding out hope that he is actually doing what he says. Just something to think about.
I'm not saying he is lying, I'm just saying that with you being long distance, you just can't really know for sure. He might be telling the truth, but then again, it might all be lies. In the meantime, you are holding out hope that he is actually doing what he says. Just something to think about.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: California
Posts: 51
Exactly suki.... I know full well. I am holding hope that he's telling me the truth and Im constantly on my toes with making sure things add up. When they don't, I confront. It's also partially why I'm here because I need to figure out if he's lying and manipulating or not. But I know I will never really know unless I see it for my own eyes.
I told him I wouldn't see him again until he was stone cold sober and that he'd have to come to me, not me go to him. So when he's able to travel and be around my family alcohol free then he'll come see me. If he doesn't do that then I know he's lying and not getting help.
I told him I wouldn't see him again until he was stone cold sober and that he'd have to come to me, not me go to him. So when he's able to travel and be around my family alcohol free then he'll come see me. If he doesn't do that then I know he's lying and not getting help.
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