3littlebirds

I finally got sick of the roller coaster and took a huge leap of faith and bailed last week! My AH of 20 years stayed in our house with our 18 yo son and me my 16 yo daughter and 13 yo son found a great new place.

Well before I moved he agreed it would be good for us to split. But when the time came he was not very happy I had actually followed through with it. He has Jeckyl/Hyde for the last week.

He has gone to 2 AA meetings so far and says he hasn't drank for 3 days. He said AA helped. He will not stop texting me now and says he can't do it without me and I'm the only one that can help him. I am trying to detach and I tell him I will support him, but I can't be his crutch and that he has to do this on his own. Now all of the sudden I am heartless and how could I throw him aside and spit on him when he needs me more than ever? blah blah blah! I know that it's not true, but I hate feeling like I need to save him I feel like a terrible person.

LaTeeDa

You were with him 20 years and he couldn't do it. Now he all of a sudden needs you to get sober? Quack, quack, quack.

AA is exactly where he needs to be. They can help him, you cannot. Time will tell, but it doesn't sound to me like he's ready to embrace recovery. Sounds more like desperate to get his enabler back.

BTW, love your name!

L

suki44883

He never thought you would really leave, but when you did, it upset his apple cart. Now he's pulling out all the stops...going to AA, not drinking for 3 whole days, but he can't do it without YOOOOOOUUUUU!!!! Whaa whaa!

Yep, he's quacking and trying to load you up with guilt for taking care of yourself and your two kids. They and you deserve better than you've been getting, so BRAVO to you for getting out. I'd be willing to bet $1,000 that if you went back, he'd be drinking again very soon.

You're past the hardest part...leaving. Take this time to take care of yourself and your two kids. Make your new home a sanctuary and a place of serenity without the BS that comes with addiction.

3littlebirds

It's so comforting to know I am not alone and that I am not losing my mind! Your words mean so much to me, I cannot thank you enough.

I did change my number when I left, but when I went back to the house for more stuff he threatened to follow me to my new house unless I gave him my number, so I did. Ugh I wish I wouldn't have.

suki44883

Can you set your phone to automatically go to voicemail when he calls? Or change the ring to something specific so you will know it is him and you can manually send the call to voicemail? You don't have to talk to him every time he calls, and unless it's about the kids, you don't have to talk to him at all.

3littlebirds

He never calls it's always a text. And it shows a preview of the text even if I don't open it.