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He's gone...he left without saying goodbye

Old 06-05-2012, 01:58 AM
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He's gone...he left without saying goodbye

My AH is on his way to Orlando to catch a flight to Puerto Rico which is where he's from, his mom lives there. He wasn't even going to tell us he was leaving. I found an email with the reservations. I just can't believe this is happening.

I knew he might go back there when I moved out. But the reality of it happening has hit me so much harder. And I certainly didn't think he wouldn't say goodbye.

I'm crying on the bedroom floor here. I am crushed and heartbroken and we were together for 14 years. I can't imagine life without him being near.
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Old 06-05-2012, 02:06 AM
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I'm crushed like you except mine is shacked up in Motel 6 with his young twit that supports his addiction. Look at it like a blessing that he's gone far away. Mine abandoned me and I still have to see him around the corner. I know it hurts but keep posting like I am. You feel so weak and like the life has been sucked out of you...I know. Just try to find a positive. I know its hard...I'm crying right along with you tonight...but you have to do it. Giving up on him, an option...giving up on yourself, not an option.
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Old 06-05-2012, 02:24 AM
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Thank you. We had soooo many good times these last 14 years. It wasn't always bad. And I just can't believe that God's plan is for him to be gone from my life forever.
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Old 06-05-2012, 02:29 AM
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Angry Wife, I'm going to private message you...you want to talk? I feel we both need it...I need it. I am going stir crazy!
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Old 06-05-2012, 07:32 AM
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Yep, definitely gone. Won't answer calls, texts. Wtf?
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Old 06-05-2012, 03:13 PM
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My heart goes out to you...I have also been with my AH for 14 years but married for 3. When I imagine the situation you are in, I imagine a deep sense of lack of control, fear, reality hitting you...I am so sorry. There are brighter days ahead, I just know there are.
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Old 06-05-2012, 03:21 PM
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Sorry- that sucks. It's an easy way out for him instead of dealing with his problems.
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Old 06-05-2012, 05:53 PM
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Angrywife

I'm sorry for your pain and that your husband had to behave like such a cad! I hope that you will be able to get some rest, and that tomorrow will be just a bit better.
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Old 06-05-2012, 06:05 PM
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Originally Posted by anvilhead View Post
because that's the way he rolls, the way he "handles" things...he does not operate from the same set of values that you do. this is his easier softer way.....i know it's tough. this is not GOD's plan, this is your AH personal decision about his life.
I couldn't have said it better.
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Old 06-06-2012, 01:13 AM
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Well the AH (don't mean alcoholic husband this time) texted, saying he wants me to file an uncontested divorce, doesn't want anything just a divorce. I said you want it...you pay for it. He was very angry, made up a bunch of lies of what I supposedly did to deserve such hatefulness. I didn't argue. Just said the truth, that if he is capable of leaving 14 years behind without so much as a goodbye, then he doesn't deserve us and he is sicker than I thought. He felt the need to keep telling me that he doesn't want anything so I can't contest it. Ummm ok. Oh believe me, I won't. A 36 year old going home to mommy. Yeah, that's worth fighting for.

I went out with a friend and had a good time. Haven't shed a tear since then.
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Old 06-06-2012, 02:07 AM
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Bravo my lovely!! Keep on going xx
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Old 06-06-2012, 05:52 AM
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I wish I could always be that strong. I'm sitting on the floor crying over the 14 years worth of memories. How do I let go? I was strong, now I'm a wreck.
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Old 06-06-2012, 08:49 AM
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I'm so freaking sick. So sick. As he's texting me these hateful words, I almost know that he's only saying these things because he's hurt. He hates himself for allowing his drinking to tear our family apart. Why in the heck am I letting myself think this way and make excuses for him? I am a [email protected]$$. He even said he's sober but I can hear it in his voice that he's not. The worst part of all is that I am actually telling myself that he's doing all this to one up me, I left him and his pride is hurt, and that he'll be back. Ugh. He's not sober and I am definitely drunk on codepency.
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Old 06-06-2012, 08:57 AM
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Maybe stop reading his texts? All they are doing is upsetting you. You can get through this, but you have to be willing to do it. Turn off the phone for the day. Get outside and do something you enjoy. Go walk in a park, sit on a bench and read a book, go get a latte or an ice cream cone. Get out of the house for a while.
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Old 06-06-2012, 09:03 AM
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I'm doing what I can...went out with a friend last night and had a great time. I have work tonight so I'm trying to sleep. Like I said, its just back and forth, an emotional roller coaster. I go back and forth between healthy moving on thoughts and sick codependency thoughts. It helps to post both kinds.
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Old 06-06-2012, 09:19 AM
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Of course you're full of grief and it's good to mourn the loss of a marriage. When someone does this it's very hard to hang onto denial. It sounds like you're on solid footing, at least getting out and talking to other people. Best of luck.
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