How Can I Help?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 2
How Can I Help?
Hi All,
I am a friend of an Addict.
He will be attending his first meeting in a few days. I want to support him the best that I can, but he is very stubborn and I feel doesn't listen to friends. He doesn't seem to share his feelings with anyone and tends to bottle things up. The addiction started to interfere with his work, and he was given an ultimatum in order to keep his job. I worry about him constantly and I deeply care about his well being. What is the best way I can approach this without being too nagging, over-bearing, or "Motherly" towards him?
Thanks for any and all advice,
FWH
I am a friend of an Addict.
He will be attending his first meeting in a few days. I want to support him the best that I can, but he is very stubborn and I feel doesn't listen to friends. He doesn't seem to share his feelings with anyone and tends to bottle things up. The addiction started to interfere with his work, and he was given an ultimatum in order to keep his job. I worry about him constantly and I deeply care about his well being. What is the best way I can approach this without being too nagging, over-bearing, or "Motherly" towards him?
Thanks for any and all advice,
FWH
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Welcome. You want to help your friend?
That's your answer. There is nothing you can do, except let him take ownership of his own recovery--success or failure.
Originally Posted by FriendWithHope 
...he is very stubborn and I feel doesn't listen to friends.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 173
FriendWithHope, welcome to SR! You are in the right place to find comfort and support.
Like you, I also struggled greatly with how I could help an alcoholic friend who I cared about and worried about. What I learned is that there is really nothing we as friends can *do* to help. Your friend has to want recovery enough to seek it and follow through with it. It's great that he is starting a program, but it is HIS program to work, and you can't say or do anything that will make him attend the meetings. What you can do is to help *yourself* with your feelings of worry and concern - read and learn all that you can about addiction (whether his is alcohol or another substance). Also please continue to read and post here, it's incredibly helpful.
You can tell your friend that you support him and care about him, but please remember that you cannot cure him. Only he can do that.
Like you, I also struggled greatly with how I could help an alcoholic friend who I cared about and worried about. What I learned is that there is really nothing we as friends can *do* to help. Your friend has to want recovery enough to seek it and follow through with it. It's great that he is starting a program, but it is HIS program to work, and you can't say or do anything that will make him attend the meetings. What you can do is to help *yourself* with your feelings of worry and concern - read and learn all that you can about addiction (whether his is alcohol or another substance). Also please continue to read and post here, it's incredibly helpful.
You can tell your friend that you support him and care about him, but please remember that you cannot cure him. Only he can do that.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 2
Thanks :-)
I've told him that I am here for him and that I'm not going anywhere. I am here to support him no matter what. I also have been bringing him food and vitamins to make sure he has some nutrients in his system. He seemed to be enthusiastic about those :-) I really want to ask him about certain things, but I hold back those questions because I know that he really isn't one to openly share...
I've told him that I am here for him and that I'm not going anywhere. I am here to support him no matter what. I also have been bringing him food and vitamins to make sure he has some nutrients in his system. He seemed to be enthusiastic about those :-) I really want to ask him about certain things, but I hold back those questions because I know that he really isn't one to openly share...
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 173
He will share if he wants to. If he truly enters recovery, don't be surprised if he begins to pull away from you, and do not take it personally if he does. My A friend did not want me to contact him while he was in rehab (it was outpatient) and after he completed his treatment, he remained very distant for quite a while. This was hard for me (I've known him for over 15 years and we used to work together) but it helped me a lot to come here and read, and post, and learn that early recovery is very hard and A's have to focus on themselves.
Your friend is lucky to have your support!
Your friend is lucky to have your support!
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