new to relationship and need advise
My brain is trying to kill me
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Palo Alto, ca
Posts: 401
He knows he's at risk getting in a relationship if he is truly working his program at this point; you may not. No matter how you try, this is insanity. Please, for your own future get away NOW. Do not linger, leave. No good will come of this.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: California
Posts: 9
I agree with everyone else. I would walk away, it's hard now but it get's easier as time goes by. The stress they put on your life is not worth it, especially if you have never been around someone with a drinking problem. I will never do it again if I can help it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,443
I would recommend continuing with alanon and reading the stickies at the top.
I can't help but think that a woman that was truly putting herself and her child first would have walked away a few weeks ago.
I used to wonder why some of my friends got 'lucky' in the man department. What was it about them. It finally occurred to me it wasn't luck. It was their ability to make choices that were in their best interests, even when they were difficult choices to make. It isn't that the 'good man' fell into their lap it was that they made the choice to let the others go. I never did that. Not that my husband was a bad man but continuing a relationship with him was not in my best interest. I paid the price for not looking out for myself and my boys are paying a steep price for my decisions on who to make a family with.
Originally Posted by retrolady 
This will be a 'one day at a time' approach but being true to myself, I know there may be a point where I need walk away.
I used to wonder why some of my friends got 'lucky' in the man department. What was it about them. It finally occurred to me it wasn't luck. It was their ability to make choices that were in their best interests, even when they were difficult choices to make. It isn't that the 'good man' fell into their lap it was that they made the choice to let the others go. I never did that. Not that my husband was a bad man but continuing a relationship with him was not in my best interest. I paid the price for not looking out for myself and my boys are paying a steep price for my decisions on who to make a family with.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Dallas, Texas
Posts: 82
If you were someone else...say your best friend...and they told you what you shared with us.. What would be your advice to them? I find I am great giving it to others, but horrible at taking my own. Maybe you already know the answer?
Guest
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,049
You say he has been in and out of rehabs for 10 years-not a great track record to base a positive future on. If you aren't convinced yet that it's time to move on, give some thought to exactly how much time of your future you will give this guy. Don't delude yourself either in thinking all he needs to stay sober is a good and understanding woman. It doesn't work like that.
Also, something that happens more times than you would think Retrolady- the alcoholic/addict will dump the partner. Think about whether you want to spend time with a serial relapser on his rollercoaster and then be dumped.
Also, something that happens more times than you would think Retrolady- the alcoholic/addict will dump the partner. Think about whether you want to spend time with a serial relapser on his rollercoaster and then be dumped.
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