Blogs


Notices

Protective order violated

Old 06-04-2012, 06:49 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 283
Protective order violated

I got these texts last night. I called and reported it and this morning I printed them and faxed them to the deputy that I spoke to. Tomorrow I go to court to make the order permenant as this is an emergency order right now. I know these are just texts, but if he is willing to violate the no communication rule and I ignore it, what's to stop him from just showing up?

I think I'm handling this correctly, I keep second-guessing myself.



R****** I know I'm not supposed to do this, but I love you. I'm sorry! If I have to go to jail for loving someone....I guess OK! You were and still am my world. I know you did what you had to do....I threatened you. That's not me R******. You know it! But god I get stupid. All I ever wanted these past few months was for you to notice me! I've lost it all!! I fell in love with you R******! You still get my phone bill? R******....I have cried over you these past few days.....I know you care....all I need is for you to show me the way.....please do not get me in trouble over this message ok??? Please!!! I can't stop thinking about you. I'm sorry! Please R******. God I love you! Guess I'm going to jail tomorrow???? So be it for the person I love. I would die for you. Just tell me you care about me? Ok. Please please do not get me in trouble....just wanted you to know....I love you! Wasn't a very good decision was it? Just needed you to know how I feel. If the cops come....I guess they come. Just know I love you no matter what. Please just text me back and say....ok? Last one I promise. Please just tell me you don't want me anymore if its true? Ok?
XXXXXXXXXX is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to XXXXXXXXXX For This Useful Post:
dollydo (06-04-2012), NYCDoglvr (06-06-2012), Spes (06-04-2012), suki44883 (06-04-2012), Tuffgirl (06-04-2012)
Old 06-04-2012, 07:37 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
Thelma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Winchester, VA
Posts: 129
Emotional blackmail at it's best. "I'm breaking the protective order because I love you so don't turn me in" Stay strong! You did the right thing!!
Thelma is offline  
The Following 16 Users Say Thank You to Thelma For This Useful Post:
amy55 (06-07-2012), amy79 (06-04-2012), CeciliaV (06-04-2012), DefofLov (06-04-2012), Impurrfect (06-05-2012), kudzujean (06-07-2012), laurie6781 (06-04-2012), Live (06-04-2012), Looking4ward (06-04-2012), PurpleWilder (06-04-2012), queenteree (06-04-2012), StarCat (06-05-2012), theuncertainty (06-06-2012), Thumper (06-04-2012), Tuffgirl (06-04-2012), XXXXXXXXXX (06-04-2012)
Old 06-04-2012, 07:43 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
RIP Sweet Suki
 
suki44883's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 32,398
Good for you! He sounds a bit unhinged. Please be careful.
suki44883 is offline  
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to suki44883 For This Useful Post:
amy55 (06-07-2012), DefofLov (06-04-2012), Impurrfect (06-05-2012), laurie6781 (06-04-2012), Tuffgirl (06-04-2012), XXXXXXXXXX (06-04-2012)
Old 06-04-2012, 08:31 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
~sb
 
sugarbear1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,669
I had to go to court numerous times to file Violation of Restraining Orders on my ex. It wasn't fun, but it was necessary.

Don't allow his emotional manipulations to change your mind. He's not a well person.

Hugs,
sugarbear1 is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to sugarbear1 For This Useful Post:
amy55 (06-07-2012), Impurrfect (06-05-2012), laurie6781 (06-04-2012), theuncertainty (06-06-2012), XXXXXXXXXX (06-04-2012)
Old 06-04-2012, 08:45 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 253
Blog Entries: 8
Originally Posted by XXXXXXXXXX View Post

I got these texts last night. I called and reported it and this morning I printed them and faxed them to the deputy that I spoke to. Tomorrow I go to court to make the order permenant as this is an emergency order right now. I know these are just texts, but if he is willing to violate the no communication rule and I ignore it, what's to stop him from just showing up?

I think I'm handling this correctly, I keep second-guessing myself.


You are absolutely correct in your thinking. I don't know the exact wording of your Protection Order but generally speaking there will be words to the effect of "having any contact whatsoever, in person or through others, by phone, mail, or any other means, directly or indirectly..." In short, he cannot contact you regardless of the type of contact. If he were to have a florist send you flowers and the card says: I love you and it's from him....he violated the PO.

In my experience, they will always "test" the PO by little things to see if you will follow through and to see what will happen. If he gets away with this, he will show up in person. VOP (violation of protection orders) almost always go through a progression and, if left unchecked, almost always gets worse. When it gets worse is when we read about it in the papers. I don't mean to scare you; just share my experience as a DV specialist in probation.

My daughters story is similar to yours and I helped her with an abusive boyfriend. I mamanged to get him charged with felony stalking. He was convicted and got 5 years probation after 6 months in jail. He is released now with a monitoring bracelet and the moron just threatended her again. Guess who is going back to jail.

Don't second guess yourself.....you are doing the right thing. The PO was designed to legally give you peace from harrassment of any kind.

When you go to court to make the emergency order permanent, tell the attorney for the State about the texts that occurred during the emergency order. Depending on your jurisdiction, they may charge him with VOP right then and there. Your emergency order is just as valid as the permanent one.

Take care.
Spes is offline  
The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to Spes For This Useful Post:
amy55 (06-07-2012), DefofLov (06-04-2012), Impurrfect (06-05-2012), Katiekate (06-05-2012), kudzujean (06-07-2012), laurie6781 (06-04-2012), theuncertainty (06-06-2012), Thumper (06-04-2012), XXXXXXXXXX (06-04-2012)
Old 06-04-2012, 01:44 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 253
Blog Entries: 8
I can't edit the prior post

I need to quit using abbreviations....I've been in probation to long. VOP is Violation of Probation. Violation of a Protection Order or Violation of a Restraining Order is what I was talking about. Different courts call it different things but the Judge views whatever you want to call it as Contempt of a court order and Contempt is the fastest way to irritate a Judge.

Sorry about the abbreviation confusion. Hope all goes well in court for you tomorrow.
Spes is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Spes For This Useful Post:
Impurrfect (06-05-2012), Katiekate (06-05-2012), theuncertainty (06-06-2012), XXXXXXXXXX (06-04-2012)
Old 06-04-2012, 02:04 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 283
Thanks Spes. I have an advocate. A warrant is going to be issued because of the texts. He could get picked up today, or if he comes to court tomorrow.
XXXXXXXXXX is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to XXXXXXXXXX For This Useful Post:
amy55 (06-07-2012), Impurrfect (06-05-2012), Katiekate (06-05-2012), Spes (06-04-2012)
Old 06-04-2012, 02:09 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Forum Leader
 
Seren's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,614
Blog Entries: 8
Wow! Yes, you are doing the right thing by protecting yourself and enforcing your boundaries!!

I'm so very sorry you are having to deal with this right now, but please do whatever it takes to remain safe!!

Hugs, HG
Seren is offline  
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to Seren For This Useful Post:
amy55 (06-07-2012), DefofLov (06-04-2012), Impurrfect (06-05-2012), Katiekate (06-05-2012), Spes (06-04-2012), theuncertainty (06-06-2012), Thumper (06-04-2012), Tuffgirl (06-04-2012)
Old 06-04-2012, 03:30 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
 
Tuffgirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Blog Entries: 4


Take good care. Hope you have F2F support right now!
Tuffgirl is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Tuffgirl For This Useful Post:
Impurrfect (06-05-2012), Katiekate (06-05-2012), theuncertainty (06-06-2012)
Old 06-05-2012, 02:38 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 283
He didn't show. The judge granted the 180 day order. I was also told that there is now a warrant for his arrest for the violation of the temp order. When they serve him, he will also be arrested.

I feel sick. Friends are celebrating this, I'm glad I did it, but happy isn't the emotion, just sick.
XXXXXXXXXX is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to XXXXXXXXXX For This Useful Post:
amy55 (06-07-2012), Impurrfect (06-05-2012), Leise (06-05-2012), Spes (06-05-2012), theuncertainty (06-06-2012)
Old 06-05-2012, 06:00 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
DMC
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 302
I think you're feeling pretty normal, really.
Hang in there.
You aren't alone.
D
DMC is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to DMC For This Useful Post:
Impurrfect (06-05-2012), Spes (06-05-2012), theuncertainty (06-06-2012), XXXXXXXXXX (06-05-2012)
Old 06-06-2012, 09:29 AM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
 
3littlebirds's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: The Woodlands, TX
Posts: 68
You are so strong I really admire the fact that you did what you did! It's hard to do what you know is right when they can play on our emotions so much. Stay strong!
3littlebirds is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to 3littlebirds For This Useful Post:
Impurrfect (06-07-2012), XXXXXXXXXX (06-06-2012)
Old 06-07-2012, 07:33 AM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 283
Ugh, more texts last night. I called and reported them and the deputy told me that he was not home when they tried to serve the 180 day order and arrest him for the violation yesterday.

They told me to send copies of the new texts and they would add them to the pending charge, and that they would go back out to serve the order and arrest him.

The new texts ask If I let the DVP expire on June 5 or if I went to court, told me that if I went to court I was only "making us look like idiots", how sorry he is, how badly he screwed up, accusations that I looked through his phone bill. Asked me to not tell his sister or child's mother about the dvp, and then asked me to call him.

I sent the new texts to the sherriff's office. I know these are just texts but I'm so sick of this.
XXXXXXXXXX is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to XXXXXXXXXX For This Useful Post:
amy55 (06-07-2012), Impurrfect (06-07-2012), m1k3 (06-07-2012)
Old 06-07-2012, 07:43 AM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Member
 
amy55's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,853
You did the right thing. There was a reason you got the protection order in the first place. All I am seeing in his texts, is manipulation, emotional blackmail (abuse), and harassment. It's all about him.

The only one looking like an "idiot" here is him. JMHO
amy55 is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to amy55 For This Useful Post:
Impurrfect (06-07-2012)
Old 06-07-2012, 08:40 AM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 1,175
IN the midst of all this, I had to laugh at his asking if you got his phone bill...
He is hiding something that he doesnt want you to see, and he then accuses you of going through his phone bill.

I know its petty and beside the point, but I had to laugh.

They know not even wnat they do. And they reveal themselves.
Buffalo66 is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to Buffalo66 For This Useful Post:
Impurrfect (06-07-2012)

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:44 PM.