Could use some encouragement
 

So, on Friday I finally left my AH, after 3 years of saying, "if you don't stop..." But it still feels bad. It feels bad that he still doesn't "get it" even though I know the whole issue is that he doesn't "get it." saying things like "I wish you had been more committed" or "you could have tried to help me more." Crazy, hurtful emotional ****** that I know is not true, but it still stings. I know this is the right thing to do but jeez, what a sad, sad thing. Words of encouragement greatly appreciated. Thanks.

You are loving.
You are loveable.

Your life matters
Your life is important.

You are going to be okay.

Sending you hugs and encouragement

I feel your pain. I asked my AB to leave Friday too. Its extremely difficult and the nights are the hardest. I'm looking to my higher power to give me strength. I pray for you as well. Loving yourself first is sometimes the hardest thing to do. I know because I'm trying to learn how.

I'm sorry you are struggling with your decision. Just wanted to chime in and send you some :hug:

Grieve the loss, but remember there is light at the end of the tunnel. It will get better.

Love,

Lily

You sometimes have to walk away from the person who is sick when they don't want the help. This person knows that if he tells you the same sad story you will stick around. You are showing the partner that YOU MEAN IT this time. Tough Love. It hurts but in the long run either he will snap and try to get help and this will be better for the both of you or he won't and YOU will know that he just isn't going to change. You deserve a good life, and you are taking the first step in pursuing change and a better life. Good luck to you. Everything will be allright.Hugs to you.

When the alcoholic says "You should have" and "I wish you were", he is setting you up to shame you so you won't make any changes and he won't have to deal with the real reason the family is disintegrating: his alcoholism.

He's not done yet. You are doing the right thing. Keep doing the right thing. Doing the wrong thing--enabling him--is a hopeless choice. What you are doing now, at least there is the possibility of meaningful eventual change.

That is good for all of us!

Love is, above all else, the gift of oneself. ~ Jean Anouilh (1910 - 1987)

Realize deeply that the present moment is all you ever have. ~ Eckhart Tolle

I pack my trunk, embrace my friends, embark on the sea, and at last wake up in Naples, and there beside me is the Stern Fact, the Sad Self, unrelenting, identical, that I fled from. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882)

Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency. Nothing is that important. ~ Natalie Goldberg

There but for the grace of God go [I]. ~ John Bradford

:Meditate:

:sprinkler :bbj:

I've found that it's more important that I know and am comfortable with the truth behind my decisions than that others are convinced of them.

My AXH has his story about how our breakup came about; the only thing it has in common with mine is that I left. In the story he's telling himself (and everyone he meets), I am the evil witch of the West, and he is the innocent victim. This, I know, is part of his illness: If he truly accepted his responsibility for our breakup, he would have to accept that he is an alcoholic and that he and only he has the ability to do something about that. The addiction is like a demon inside fighting against that truth, because that truth, if acted on, would mean the end of him feeding his addiction.

At first, it was hard for me to accept that people in our small town would meet AXH and get "his" version of the story. But I've accepted that this is the way it is, and that the people who believe his story over mine are people I don't care to have in my life anyway.

It sounds harsh, but that's where I've landed. I know the truth about why I left. That's enough.

He may never "get it"
but...
YOU do
and that is all that matters.

Time to make you the focus of your life.

It will be rough for a bit, not going to sugarcoat it. (But so very worth it)
Post often, we are here.
We understand.
Hang in there.

Although he is making you feel guilty, the truth is that you are helping him as well as yourself. Hold that thought and stick to your plan. Life is too short to be miserable.