Ursula745

This was my last post on my brother. Below is an update that I posted on the bottom of the thread. I really could use any advice or shared experiences. I feel kind of desperate right now.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ur-family.html

Update 6/3: Things are really bad. He went to court, got a new court date for the DUI and the judge told him to get a lawyer. He was sober for a few days then relapsed again. He's drinking the hard stuff. Before, he was never mean. When he would withdrawal, he was depressed, mopey, whiny. Now, he's mean, angry, and literally out of his mind. He seems to be hallucinating (seems), but then turns around and remembers the "hallucinations". He seems like he could be violent, like he's getting ready to hit or punch, but then he will direct the anger to something and hit that, instead of someone.

Regardless, we are scared. I spent last night with him trying to calm him, then he got insanely hungry and was craving pizza, so I got him some. All night he would eat, calm down, get delusional, calm down, get angry, calm down, get whiny and crying, then calm down. I didn't get home until 4am and was so emotionally exhausted.

My SIL left again with the kids to get them to a safe place today. My niece said she doesn't even want a relationship with him anymore.

I feel so lost. I know my brother has to help himself. And, I don't even think he was withdrawing all that much, because I think he was still drinking all day yesterday. He kept disappearing to his hiding places and smelled like it all day.

I don't know what to do, I don't know what's an act, what's real, and if he has some mental illness going on or what. And this has just happened so fast. Five months of sobriety, then three weeks or so of drinking himself into oblivion and this behavior.

I know he needs psych help or therapy to deal with depression, grief, or even possibly PTSD that I think he may have from my parent's care and death. He keeps talking about images of them after they died and noises he hears from ventilators and HRMs, etc. I really don't know what's real and what's not because he has lied and lied and lied. Contradicts himself all the time. Full of drama. Honestly, I know we all have personality traits that we could all work on, but right now, he has all the bad parts of him to the surface, times a million. I know deep down he has a good heart. I can't save him.

He lost his job. He has no insurance, and needs help. and, I feel so bad saying this, but I am not sure that I want to be a part of his life anymore. I cannot got through this.

Please share any experiences or advice. I have never in my life seen someone so lost from alcohol. I even wonder if he has brain damage. He's at his house by himself, blowing up my phone. I just don't have any energy for him today after spending 9 hours with him doing this yesterday. I feel like if he's really in trouble, he can call 911 just as well as he can call me. And, if he gets stuck there with no electric, water, whatever, oh well. He's resourceful enough to get what he wants.

Anyone ever have to see an alcoholic like this? This bad? And, walk away feeling like you are abandoning them?

sugarbear1

It can get even worse.

Can you get to Al Anon? Take care of you, your brother needs to figure out what to do for himself. His wife and kids left, now he needs to hit bottom. Find the local AA number and give it to him.

I wish I had more to help you with, I do. Someone else might also help.

Hugs,

Ursula745

Thanks Sugarbear.

I regularly attend Al-anon, read books by Melanie Beattie, I'm working the steps myself for codependency.

He has and AA sponsor, home group, been to an AA based rehab. He has all the tools he needs, but unfortunately, not using them. I fear death for him, legal problems, financial problems.

I know I can do nothing about it. Well, I could, but I won't, for him and me. I'm not going to rescue him and have me suffer any longer in this nightmare.

I just think back to the great little kid he was. He never learned to take care of himself because my parents always did it for him. I'm not picking up where they left off. I can't.

I want my own family one day and put my life on hold taking care of my sick parents, depression, almost losing myself and my own marriage over that situation. Now, marriage is stable, I'm healthier, but now i just plain might be too old to start a family, but I'd like to at least live my live for me and my hubby, with or without kids of our own.

suki44883

I am so sorry this is happening, Ursula. It is so sad to watch people we love destroying themselves.

Unfortunately, you cannot live his life for him, as you know. You have your own family and your brother will either straighten himself out or he won't. Love doesn't cure addiction. If it did, places like SR wouldn't exist.

The sad truth is that there are many addicts who never recover. In fact, most don't. It has to be something they want for themselves more than anything else. Alcohol affects the brain, and as long as he is drinking, he isn't thinking clearly, so chances are, he isn't willing to seek recovery.

There really is nothing you can do for your brother if he refuses help. Sometimes we have to just detach from them so we don't suffer by watching them progress in the madness. Please take care of yourself and your own family. Come here and post when you need support. We are here to support you.

Impurrfect

((Ursula)) - I'm so sorry you are going through this. I'm in recovery for crack AND codependency. I know addiction inside and out and have watched many loved ones spiral down into addiction.

I've felt hopeless, frustrated, scared and a lot of other emotions, but coming here has always helped just a bit. We are here for you.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy