EmmyG

AH and I had our second session with the psychologist yesterday. I was able to get a lot off of my chest and express my anger and hurt over things that have happened over the past five years. I was detailed and didn't hold anything back, including detailing his verbal abuse and the two times he has slapped me and pushed me when drunk. I got really upset thinking about it and she related it to almost PTSD-like anxiety. I described the night of our wedding reception and his drinking that night and how I spent that night alone in our hotel crying and pregnant, and the countless other times. I talked about how much fear I have lived with on a daily basis, and how great I'm feeling not living with that.

A little surprisingly, he sat there and listened. I thought it would shut him down, because he hates to hear about what he's done drunk. When I bring it up, he gets really upset. So I thought he would be defensive, but he's really being forthcoming. When it was over, he set up an appointment for next week.

Does it mean anything that he's doing this, or am I being foolish to think it might? We are both openly talking about the possibility that we won't stay married, and for now we are both happier apart. But he's never even willing to do anything like this or be so honest.

Chrisy

I think it is great you two are doing this. Even if you don't stay married, at least you would have talked everything out, and there will be no regrets later on, as you would have got everything out in front of a trained professional. It is good for him to be made to hear the truth of the pain he caused you by his actions.

I wish that I could have this closure with someone in my past. Still hoping that someday we can talk things out and even if the friendship is over, at least we ended things on a good note. It is funny how I am thinking of him tonight and you post about your sessions. Maybe someday I will be able to tell this person what you got a chance to say to your person, who caused you so much pain.

Love and Blessings
Chrisy

wicked

Emmy,
Of course, it could mean many things. He could finally be willing to admit he has a problem, and will continue to seek help for himself. I know from experience how painful it is to expose the selfish and self absorbed heart I had while drinking. But, once it was out, I felt relief and a flash of hope.

Yes, it is quite liberating to not be quietly tip toeing around your own house. That is what I did. Or the tension would be unbearable. I wanted him to leave so I could have peace, but when he didn't come home, I would be full of my own fears and self created dramas.

The important thing to remember is your recovery is all about you and one day at a time, the same goes for him. What is going on inside his head right now is not really your concern, detach and keep working on you. It sounds like you are heading in a good direction!

:ghug3

Beth

Pelican

Emmy,

I am glad that you are getting the opportunity to express yourself in a safe environment. I hope this helps you today and into the future........no matter the outcome.

laurie6781

(((((Emmy)))))

Way way too soon to tell. See if he is still so accommodating a year from now maybe? Even months from now. I say a year, as you have stated in other posts that his binges have been about once a year.

On the other hand, I am glad for you that you were able to get that 'fear' and 'hurt' out in a safe environment!!!!! That can only help you to clear your head a bit and maybe your heart.

You are moving forward, whether he is or not remains to be seen.

Please remember, we are walking with you in spirit.

Love and hugs,

EmmyG

Thanks it was weird, when the therapist asked me to describe how I feel when I know he's out and possibly drinking, I felt a physical change just thinking about it. I went into that mind state and it felt really intense and it made me realize that I've been living with that feeling for so long now, I've minimized the impact. It's such an intense fear and worry and dread. It feels good to talk about it. I told her things I've never told anyone, that only my husband and I know, and it felt like a weight off of my shoulders.