WorkInProgress8

But im entitled to my opinion just as much as the next emotionally damaged trainwreck! I think addiction is pathetic. I know some of you are thinking “whoa, whoa how can she, a codependent, say that:” To which I respond, addiction in terms of alcohol and drug abuse not addiction to people. To me living and dying for beer,crack rock or whatever the DOC may be, is crap and there’s no excuse to justify it. Like I used to tell my XABF(while he sat there pretending to listen), “I understand you had a rough childhood with your mother rarely there for you, and your dad dying when you were young, but things could be worse! You have food in your belly, a roof over your head, and air in your lungs. EVERYBODY has been through some s**t but Drinking isn’t going to change those things & all its going to do is make your life worse:" which it has. But like I said, these words always fell on deaf ears clearly because he continues to drink and justifies it (verbally & mentally) because of his upbringing. Crap, crap, crap. I’ve seen, and heard of people going through so much worse and persevering. Why don’t addicts just come out and say it; their past gives them an EXCUSE to be an addict, and addiction gives them an EXCUSE to be an a**hole! Because that’s exactly what it does.

littlefish

Sounds like you needed to vent! Lots of alcoholics and drug addicts had great childhoods and great parents. Lots of normal people without addiction issues had alcoholic and/or addicted parents. Go figure....
In the rooms of AA I've heard countless descriptions of why people think they drank, and it's not always a bad childhood. A lot of times people don't have a clue. "I don't know why I drank" is rather common to hear.
Sounds like it is a very good thing he is your X!!!!

WorkInProgress8

It is! &i yes venting is was definetly needed! Maybe im biased in my opinion but like i said its mine. My main point was that addiction is crap

tomsteve

Why don’t addicts just come out and say it; their past gives them an EXCUSE to be an addict, and addiction gives them an EXCUSE to be an a**hole! Because that’s exactly what it does.

unless you've walked in the trenches, you really dont know what it like.

Everlast ~ What It's Like (With Lyrics) - YouTube

DesertEyes

No worries, WorkInProgress Venting is good, at least you get all that emotion out of you instead of having it chew you up slowly from the inside.

One thing you will notice as you spend more time in your own recovery is that every time one person vents about something that is causing them great pain there will be a few other people who will vent right back with exactly the opposite opinion. This kind of back-and-forth venting is a lot like a ping pong game. One person has a deep knot of pain and throws it out, somebody else slaps it right back at 'em, and then the first person volleys it over even harder.

As a moderator, my job is to keep the ping ponging from getting out of hand and turning into a fist fight. After all, it's hard to be objective when your heart is breaking, so us volunteers try to do the objective "thing" when needed.

As a recovering alkie I have absolutely _no_ right to tell you _anything_ about your pain, or your vent.

Instead, what I do is I volunteer around here and help keep SR running. This is what is called a "living ammends". I do what I can so that alanoids in pain can find a healing from the nightmare the addiction causes. It's a very indirect way of repairing the damage I did when I was drinking. I have done all the repairs I can to the people I hurt, and now I continue to demonstrate, with my actions, that I am no longer the person I used to be.

I hope that SR continues to be useful to you, and please, vent all you need, that's what we are here for.

Mike
Moderator, SR

Free108

I understand your frustration. I also have a really hard time comparing my codependency with his addiction to alcohol. The thing that helps me is to think about how grateful I am that although I know that we both have issues, I don't have to deal with a physical addiction as well as sorting my emotions out. He has to do both. I actually don't know if I'd have the strength to do that (and I don't think he feels confident about that either!).
And yes, you are entitled to your opinions. Being an emotional train wreck doesn't mean that you're not a whole human being with valid feelings.

tbeit

Tomsteve I have heard that song a million times but it never hit me like it just did thanks

Katiekate

This touched very deep inside, thank you mike for your service, your honesty and your courage. I'm feeling a hole lot of warm and fuzzy right now

:ghug3

Justfor1

workinprogress, the American Medical Association declared Alcoholism as a disease. But who knows, maybe alcoholics/addicts are just selfish mean people?

Live

It is a TREATABLE disease. Recovery is available for all who want it.

dbh

Hi!

I'm an ACA and the longer I stay in recovery the more similarities I see between the addicts and codependents.

Yes, everyone experiences pain in life. But the degree of this pain varies by each individual and how each individual is able to handle the pain. I gotta say that I have read and heard some heartbreaking stories by people being raised in dysfunctional and abusive homes.

People choose different and many unhealthy ways to cope with the pain - alcohol, food, drugs, gambling, sex, being a workaholic, and becoming obsessed with other people's lives.

My dad was raised by two alcoholics and he was also an alcoholic. He never gave up drinking and he paid a huge price for it. Ended up dying alone in a medicaid nursing home. Never got to know his grandchildren. Heck, he didn't really know his children that well!

Anyway, I was so angry with him for such a long time and I too thought his life was pathetic.

I did eventually get to a place where I just thought his life was sad and I eventually forgave him.

I find compassion by realizing that I'll never truly understand the depths of anyone else's pain so it's not up to me to belittle the pain and tell them to stop what they're doing to suppress the pain.

Not saying that you don't have a right to vent or be angry. Just sharing how I got past my anger.

Thank you for letting me share.

db

tbeit

Thank you dbh you have what I want. People like you give people like me hope that real recovery is possible on both sides of addiction.

Windmills

THIS. Exactly this. Thank you, dbh.
I don't feel anger or resentment about my ex's drug addiction, I just think it must be a sad way to live. I don't think he's pathetic because he's an addict, I just think he's very lost.
There are other things he's done to me though which I'm not yet ready to forgive and I'm nowhere near acceptance over those things. Swings and roundabouts, some wounds hurt more than others I guess and they take longer to heal.

OhBoy

For me it was easy to condemn my AW's drinking as a crap excuse. But I have seen her time & time again try to slow down & not be able to. What's left of the person I fell in love with genuinely does not want to drink to black out, but she does. The disease makes her. That is my belief anyway. It does not make it easier to deal with, keep me from having codie thoughts or give her a free pass in any way, but it does help me let it go. I hate whatever it is that took my wife away from me.

WorkInProgress8

i guess i should have personalized my vent sesh a little more because my intention was not to offend anybody or generalize. When i was typing this thread i was thinking of my former relationship with my XABF and venting my opinion from the experiences i had in that situation. It was more case specific. sawwwy : /

MeredithD1

Mindreading has caused trouble for me in the past. Giving it up wasn't easy. I didn't realize how much I was doing it until I decided to cut it out.

sweetteewalls

I am so mad at AH for his lies and yet I've told so many myself so I understand about feeling like a hypocrite. I've told so many to make what he is doing ok, cover for him with my loved ones, including our children...I am just as guilty of lying to keep relationship status. It is ok to be angry and vent...we all need to.

Krys

Anger is a part of this for sure and it's ok to be angry. I struggled with being angry with my abf for a while...after all he has a disease doesn't that earn him sympathy not anger? Well sure, but I can be angry about everything his disease and his actions (while intoxicated or not) put me through. It is a selfish disease IMHO, but it is also very sad. Taking responsibility for MY actions and my role is what I am working on now and I think that is harder to face. In fact sometimes I find myself turning all of my focus back on him just to avoid it...it's part of my disease I guess. That being said I sometimes still get very angry and want to tell him to get over it and stop being such a baby...everyone has problems and not everyone gets to check out or act like an entitled ass. But I know it's not that easy, if it was he would walk away from it.

gerryP

Workinprogress,

Looks like a little time has softened your rage.

I am surprised to read this anger/rage is about a former relationship. Since he is your EX Maybe you should begin working through your anger issues and forget about him. There is nothing wrong with feeling angry over a situation, it's part of the process, but it sounds like you might be stuck in that anger stage which will control you.

wicked

Wow, Meredith! This is my first message for the day.
Many years ago, say about 18-20 my ex and I used to argue about what the other person was thinking (both of us alcoholics).


Even after years of sobriety, meetings, counseling and reading, my son just reminded me yesterday I cannot read his mind!


This is another note for my collection of sobriety, emotional sobriety book.

:ghug3

Beth