fought the battles but lost the war.
 

It has been some time since I posted here. I have been fighting to save my family for the last three years. As I mentioned before my mother is a very long term alcoholic my brother was a lifelong alcoholic and I am now watching my baby sister turn into a drug addict and alcoholic. I will say this now I wish I had a chemical like them to buffer the pain I feel now but I just cannot use or drink.
My life has taken a very wrong turn now. I finally reached out for help with my anxiety problem and doctors prescribed me an anti-anxiety medication well I went home and took 2 as the doctor had told me to do. 30 minutes later I found myself very depressed and wound up taking a lot of tylenol pm. I realized what I had done so I went and found my mama and I told her what I had done. I woke up the next day with black lips (from charcoal) in a psych ward. well the doctors came in to talk to me and asked exactly what had happened. I explained to them that I had taken the Adavan and then became very depressed but I have no feelings of suicide and normally I don't. They told me no more of anything that ends in pam and I need to try to lessen my own stress. OK
My brother took my accident particularly hard. I have spent the last 3 years intensivly fighting for my Bubba's life. I have called the police took him to the hospital went to comcare anything anywhere that would help me to save Jon's life. I finally had to let go and let God so I put a restraining order on my own brother so he could not do me any more damage. So finally I got his attention (though by accident). Jon had a warrant and knew he was going to have to do a year in jail so he steeled himself took a deep breath and turned himself in. He knew that he had to do something to make himself stronger to help me and to help him. Well my bubba spent a week in jail and unfortunately his detox was too much and he ended up hanging himself in his cell. I am not able to go into a lot of detail due to the investigation but I will say I feel very very angry with the county jail!! I am in a slight place of peace because my bubba is no longer embarrassed of his sickness or begging for a place to sleep he is at peace. but I still hurt alot!!

We are here for you.

i am very sorry for your loss. this is another reason i hate the disease of alcoholism so much.

Angela,
I am so sorry. My family has a history of major depression and I have read much about it. It is a mental illness, it is often genetic, and it is intensified by the use of alcohol and certain narcotics. The brain is wounded by disease, just as other organs of the body can wounded by disease.

Because it is a brain illness, there is nothing you could have done to cure your brother, and there is nothing you ever did or said which influenced his illness of depression and his addiction. When the brain is biologically affected, words and love simply cannot change that. Only professional treatment and the right medications can bring about healing.

Your pain over his death is very intense, some moments almost unbearable, I'm sure. The survivors of a loved one's suicide suffer such pain and guilt, and they feel so helpless because they cannot do anything to change what has happened. They hurt to the bone. They feel angry. They sometimes want to die themselves. And some of them take drugs to escape their emotional pain.

With the gene of addiction in your family history, you are at risk yourself of becoming addicted to alcohol and drugs. You are at high risk. So it is important you avoid all narcotics--anything you can get hooked on, including alcohol--because you are biologically very vulnerable. And addiction happens to people when they do not know it is happening. So anyone with a family history of addiction needs to avoid the use of narcotics as much as possible. Your life is important, you have a destiny to fulfill, you have been born with beautiful qualities which need to blossom and make a difference in this world. So protect your health, avoid pills and alcohol, so you can be well and grow.

Your brother died of an organic, biological illness. Many people who drink and who suffer depression take their own lives. In the news recently, Mary Kennedy was a victim of her combined alcoholism and depression and took her own life. She had young, beautiful children and wealth and dear friends and family, and yet, her brain was wounded and her thinking became so fogged that for her, suicide seemed the only solution, what she wanted. Your brother had the same brain wounding. The same mental disease.

Since depression is a possible genetic illness in your family, and because of your trip to the hospital, you would do best by seeing a good family doctor who can prescribe for you non-narcotic anti-depressant medication, something which has been around for a long time and has a proven record of safety, like Lexapro, Prozac, etc. The doctor will determine whether you can be helped by this kind of medicine and if so, then you would start out with very low doses and see how the medication works for you. My son suffered major depression in his senior year of college and he had a kind of breakdown--much crying spontaneously, loss of hope, withdrawal--and he went to a good doctor who knew what he was suffering and he got medicines and he got better. He stayed on this medicine and still takes it today. He is happy, he has a happy relationship, he is back in school, he looks good. The professional treatment saved him.

Angela, you deserve that kind of outcome, too. Please care for your life and your soul, because you are worthy of all the beauty this world has to offer.

(((Angela))) - I'm so very sorry. We can't undo or fix things, though I wish we could, but we are definitely here for you.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

I am so so sorry for your loss and the pain you are going through.

I actually woke up this morning not hurting. It didn't take long for my mind to focus on the guilt again but I woke up not hurting. I am working through this whole situation. What has me really stuck is the fact that I apparently made a mistake in taking care of my brothers remains. I immediately called the mortuary that has dealt with my family alot here recently. Apparently people have been telling me that if I would have left him at the coroners office they would have helped me deal with him. But the mortuary cleaned my bubba up and let us touch him and say our goodbyes which the jail did not afford us this. he was found at 10:35 taken to a hospital and pronounced at 11:15 am we where not notified until noon. So we had to see him had to know it was real. but that single action cost me another 450 dollars. But well worth it. My sister in law slapped me into reality this am by saying "hey he is taken care of and the finances will work themselves out". I am trying not to focus on this but my mind just keeps going right back to it. I know my bubba would tell me not to worry about him to take care of myself and our Mom but I just thought more people would care enough about him to be able to donate a little bit. I am by no means mad at the mortuary they have gone above and beyond for us, they are not hounding us or even calling us it's just my own mind that has me stuck on that one detail. It will be ok and it will be paid but my mind has chosen to get stuck on this.

I am so very sorry.

I'm so sorry and know we are here for you.

Hello Angela,

Please accept my deepest sympathies over the loss of your brother. You and everyone who loved him will be in my prayers.

:candle: :Flower111

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this time of sadness. Please do not let this dereail your own recovery and path to peace and serenity.

Angela, I too am so very sorry for the sadness and pain you have gone through. I hope you can get therapy to help you find your balance and rise above this, perhaps sharing your story (as you did here) and helping others.

My prayers go out for you and your family. May your brother find peace in the arms of God. :hug:

Hugs

I'm sorry about your loss.

Please accept my sympathy for you and your family.

Hugs and Prayers

My dear I am so very sorry. My condolences.

It won't stop hurting!! I just want to hold him 1 more time please please!! He was a good man Please!! when will it stop hurting????????

I am so sorry for your loss. I have lost some loved ones, and although I can't see them anymore, I can feel their presence around me. I still talk to them and believe that they can hear me.

I found it helpful to get some counseling to help me thru my grief. Have you found someone you can talk to? It really does help.

I am so terribly sorry for your losses and your pain. :(

My heart goes out to you. I lost my brother too. My brother didn't die from suicide but a drug overdose. But in either case, the loss is just so sudden and unexpected and senseless. It hurts like hell. The only thing I know for sure is it that the pain won't always be this intense. You'll always miss him but this pain will be replaced with loving memories of happier times. In the meanttime, be kind and gentle with yourself right now. Take care of YOU. Grief is a process. WE can't hurry it along but it does get easier with time. Take good care of YOU right now. Your brother would want that for you.
Hugs and understanding..

Mary