Anon12

My XABF is finally moving out this weekend. From earlier posts, he had been drinking a few days ago and it looked like he might make things difficult but i've come back from staying with friends and he seems to have starting sorting himself out, he's been at work and doesn't appear to have been drinking and gone to sign his lease and pick up keys. He is also signing a form i'm collecting soon from the agents to come off lease and give up claims on deposit. So far ok.

I have given him a deadline to move all his stuff out by tomorrow. I am wary he could still be difficult and drink but I'm hoping for best and planning for worst.

Anyway, I know I need to go NC when he moves out as it will mess with my head otherwise and I won't move on. I have previously said I don't want to see him unless he is sober and in recovery for a year and even then no guarantees. There are a couple of financial practicalities (relates to our car) that would mean we might need to be in contact on email which I'm trying to sort out asap so I can end any link and any excuse for him to contact me (and for me to use as an excuse too in a weak moment). I'm speaking to my counsellor about how best to do that quickly.

i've been so focused on what I'd do if he drank and I had to move out or go down a legal route, I hadn't thought about how I wanted to handle it if he manned up and went like an adult. I have to be here to collect keys tomorrow and I'm ok with that provided he has signed the lease form. I'm just not quite sure what I should say re: NC.

I have written him a letter that I gave him when we ended (not realising we'd be still living together three weeks later!) and it says I don't think we should be in contact for foreseeable future and that I woudl only want to see him if he'd been a year sober. Do I need to say more?

I don't want to rehash it all as I think talking about the year thing just gives him impression this is a year break and gives us both hope when that was my boundary rather than a promise.

I would welcome advice on handling this from anyone who ended things amicably with their AH or ABF? And before anyone says it, I'm not looking for a way back from my decision or a way to be in contact or anything like that. I just want to work out best way to handle this for all concerned, but me most of all so when I obsess over the last days (which I'm sure will happen in days to come), I am comfortable with what I did and why.

Thanks for your support.

CeciliaV

I know this sounds overly simple, but you've laid down your boundaries, so if you don't want to say more, then don't. I know this must be a hard process to go through, but it sounds like you've got your duckies in a row, and that will make things go more smoothly, or at the very least less UNsmoothly. Stay strong!

Anon12

Had a nice surprise that while sorting stuff out during first part of his move today, I found an empty bottle of vodka in the cupboard under the stairs. Like a reminder - keep going....

Thumper

I don't think you need to say anything more about NC or anything else.