hopeformyfamily

My husband just completed a 30 day alcohol treatment program and has been home for a week. I knew that things were/are just beginning, but I thought some of his behaviors and temperment would be different. He works and goes to meetings which is great, but I do not feel connected to him. He doesn't share feelings (not that he was much of an emotional man before) but he still is angry. I feel like I am doing everything wrong. I try to give him space, I encourage him and tell him I am proud of him for going to meetings, but that I need some attention from him too....I think I might be asking too much from him right now, but I feel alone. How do I make him feel like he is everything to me without him doing the same things in return? I might not be making sense, but it does help just to write.

lillamy

(((hugs))) and welcome.

I haven't had that experience, since my ex-husband didn't enter rehab until after I left him. He was sober for about three months, but his behavior didn't change at all in that time.

I was going to ask, what are you doing for yourself? I know that getting sober for an alcoholic is a full-time job, so it's not realistic for you to expect anything from him right now.

SoloMio

I can relate and I have to say, it's very important for you to do your thing while he does his thing. Meaning, try to detach, and disassociate yourself from his stuff by attending to AlAnon meetings if you can. As lillamy said, don't expect anything from him. Just work on yourself. It takes a lot of time and work to learn how to relate to each other differently. And you are NOT doing anything wrong. Don't personalize what you perceive to be his lack of attention.

hopeformyfamily

Thanks for the welcome and responding. I have attended some al-anon meetings prior to him entering rehab and really realize that I need to attend again. It is a challenge to go because we have a one year old son that I would probably need to take with me. I work and my mother in law watches our son when I am at work and there are no meetings in our town....but those are all excuses! He goes, so I need to too.

I found this website just by typing in what to do when husband comes home from alcohol treatment facility and I am glad I found it. There have been some posts that make me feel better.

To finally answer your question of what do I do for myself, is honestly not a whole lot. I take care of my family and work...I definitely need to work on taking care of myself.

Again, thank you for replying.

SoloMio

Yes, please come back, and read the sticky notes. And just keep reading.. there's SO much wisdom here. Can you get to AlAnon? It's so important to get support and shore yourself up..

Seren

Hello hopeformyfamily, Welcome!

After reading on these boards for some time now, it seems to me that early recovery is a very, very unstable and emotional time for an alcoholic. Just handling the flood of emotions that he will begin to feel now without the alcohol is pretty overwhelming, I would imagine. In a similar way to active addiction, early recovery is 'all about the alcoholic' for a while as all their energy and time is devoted to obtaining and maintaining sobriety. Other family members have written about how early recovery is also a very lonely time for them.

Now that he is taking care of himself, it is time for you to take care of yourself. I hope you will consider finding some face-to-face support whether through Al-Anon or counseling. You deserve the self-care and the peace that can come with it.

Many hugs and prayers,
HG