Out of My Hands?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: san diego, ca
Posts: 2
Out of My Hands?
Hi I am new to this community, but I love the support and advice that is being offered to everyone from those who have been/are at where I am today.
My husband has been a substance abuser for many years and just recently seeked help at a treatment facility and was living what I thought was a "sober life" until about 5 months ago. I saw the signs and kept one eye on him at all times but I was trying not to be overbearing or accusing of anything till I knew 100% that he was using again. Well now I know for sure that he has been using pills and other substances to "cope with life" in place of alcohol all this time. He is threatening to kill himself because of all the hurt he has caused me and says I don't understand him, but he hardly talks to me and is gone about half the time because of work. I don't know what to do and I am tired of all the lies. I have been 100% supportive of him for all these years but I am getting tired of sitting here feeling helpless to his self-destruction. He deploys in a few months and I feel that everything is out of my hands at this point because anything that we do is most likely going to be throwin' to the wind once he pulls out. I just don't know my next step with him or if there even is one? I don't know what to do.
My husband has been a substance abuser for many years and just recently seeked help at a treatment facility and was living what I thought was a "sober life" until about 5 months ago. I saw the signs and kept one eye on him at all times but I was trying not to be overbearing or accusing of anything till I knew 100% that he was using again. Well now I know for sure that he has been using pills and other substances to "cope with life" in place of alcohol all this time. He is threatening to kill himself because of all the hurt he has caused me and says I don't understand him, but he hardly talks to me and is gone about half the time because of work. I don't know what to do and I am tired of all the lies. I have been 100% supportive of him for all these years but I am getting tired of sitting here feeling helpless to his self-destruction. He deploys in a few months and I feel that everything is out of my hands at this point because anything that we do is most likely going to be throwin' to the wind once he pulls out. I just don't know my next step with him or if there even is one? I don't know what to do.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Sarasota FL
Posts: 281
Just my opinion based on personal experience: treatment may be in order especially if he is deploying soon. He cant leave a mess. All you can do is suggest or lay down a boundary for uneceptable behavior. Threatening to kill yourself can be serious or an attemp to manipulate but should not be taken lightly- could be a cry for help. I wish you the best.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 585
Hi LJC - unfortunately, it is out of your hands. It is in his hands. Only he can make the choice about what to do - your choice is in how you act/react to it. It's in his best interest to get treatment. Whether the suicide threats are idle threats or not, he needs help. You can try to be supportive of him as he goes through this decision process, but you have to let him make that decision on his own. My suggestion would be for you to think about yourself and try to figure out what it is that *you* want in life. Do you feel you can stand by him if he chooses not to get treatment? It's a tough question to answer, and I don't ask it lightly. It's one that a lot of us have asked and continue to ask ourselves.
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