bookworm

I'm in a dilemma. My alcoholic partner is making himself very sick with the drinking but just carries on with the booze. He is vomiting and bleeding internally. He is also having difficulty breathing and is very anxious. His stomach aches constantly and he feels very bloated. But he just continues to drink .

He has talked about going to the Dr but hasn't quite got around to it. I feel like this beautiful soul is dying before my very eyes and there's nothing I can do. How do I detach from this? Do I detach? My first instinct is to mother him I guess, but I think this is wrong - after all he's over 40 years old! I have encouraged him to go to the Dr but he just talks about it. Do I just 'leave him to it' or do I push him or what?
Any advice or suggestions very welcome.
Thanks and HugZ to all
Sandra

JT

Bookworm,

Ward is sedentary and has high blood pressure. He only went to the doctor because I made him. He has what I believe is sleep apnea and hasn't treated that yet...I sleep in the guest room most nights and remind him occasionally that he needs to do some thing about it. He drinks too much and eats very badly. In my mind he is not doing what he can to assure that he stays healthy.

There is only so much I can do. I told him once that if he had a stroke I would put him in a home! If he was going to intentionally neglect his health why should I be saddled with the consequences? I was only partly kidding...

Your partner is hurting his body and coming from this hard a** I would keep on him to go to the doctor. No fights, mind you, but you love him and that is part of it. Like me, you sound like it is not the drinking but the neglect of his health. That is not a bad place to come from.

Just My Opinion,
JT

prettywoman

Unfortunately there is nothing you can do until he decides to take care of himself. All the talking in the world is not going to "MAKE" him do anything about this .

I never experienced anything like it however I learned enough about this to know "He has to help himself". and you must take care of yourself first. Thebottom line is that you have to do what is best for you and whatever that may be I wish you all the best:-).

Detaching is never easy especially if you are living in the same house, however detaching is something that "just happens" some day without you even realizing it and when it does, it is absolutely wonderful. It is a beautiful feeling of surrender and serenity.......I speak from experience because it happened to me.

zoomer

I guess one time I did call for my husband and made an appointment for him to go see a doctor. He went, but complained that I did not pick the right doctor, I said do it yourself next time. Also too, my husband is a copy cat. I go in for my regurlare check ups like mamograms, and other things. he acturally gets jelouse or something and then he gets himself checked out. He has the worst timing though. He got one of those colen cancer screenings and it was a huge ordeal,he even had to be put to sleep for it! He was fine,but he picked a time that my daughter was going through a lot and he was lacking attention. Also, your hubby may be afraid to go see a doctor because he know the doctor will tell him to stop drinking. LOL, I ask my husband "did you tell the doctor how much you drink", of course not! I get snide and say "I'm glad you are heavely insured" and leave it at that.

SUNFLOWERGIRL29

Hi! My AH has health problems due to his drinking too, except he is only 34! He has had an ulcer for years, and about 2 years ago, he went into the emergency room because he was in such pain- turned out to be a "bleed" and the dr. told him that he would die if he con't to drink and not eat properly. He throws up bile every morning, has had about 4 scope surgeries done, dr. concluded that his esophogus is completely inflamed and raw, that he has a bleed in his intestine and an ulcer in his stomach. Yet... he continues to drink, his disease (cunning, baffling and powerful) convinces him that it has absolutely nothing to do with the drinking, so he takes pills to "cure" the problem. I too have tried to convince him that the dr. has warned him and even printed out
info off the Net to prove the connection. In a few days, he goes in for some more serious surgery (esophagus dialation whatever this is?), since the last time, the dr. said he couldn't get the scope to even get past the inflamation in the esophagus (wouldn't have anything to do with being drunk 2 nights before???!!!).
Prettywoman is right though- as much as it is frustrating, we can't force them to go to the dr. anymore than we can force them to quit. Maybe your husband is less stubborn than mine- maybe having the health info around would sink in. Other than this, my only advice is just to try and take care of yourself- you deserve it!! When (if) they get sick and tired of being sick and tired, they will do something about it. Like someone on the board wrote a few days ago- "when being drunk is more painful than being sober".
Take care!!
Sunflowergirl29

bookworm

for your replies and advice.

Gee Sunflowergirl - my partner is as stubborn as a mule...last night he said he wasn't in denial??? Aaaargh!!

Zoomer, I love the 'heavenly insured' bit - I think I'll just use that one fine day!

Prettywoman - you're right, he needs to help himself...but like Just Tired I feel like I should keep 'suggesting' to him to visit the Dr without nagging. I mean, I live with it and it's painful - maybe it's that feeling of pain I should detach from, not his ill health?
Anyhow, as ever, your replies are wonderful and give me food for thought.
thanks again
HugZ
Sandra