CatLover1234

Just when I thought I was doing really well and feeling good about myself and life again, my world gets rocked. A little over a week ago my XAB called me out of the blue after more than a year of NC. I didn't answer the phone and he didn't leave a message, but I did make the mistake of sending a text asking if he needed to talk. (I know....WRONG thing to do) He said yes and asked if he could call me.

Well, he did eventually call back 2 days later. He said I have been on his mind for a very long time and that he really missed me. We had a nice chat but I was sad I didn't hear the words I needed to hear which was "I'm sorry for how I treated you". The conversation did leave me feeling a bit confused though. He asked if he could call me again later, which I agreed. I haven't heard from him since.

This past week has left me feeling like a basket case. I feel like I'm right back where I was emotionally when I went NC in a fit of anger over a year ago. How can I be so strong to go NC and stick with it for so long, then end up like an emotional mess just with the sound of his voice?

Why is he doing this? It really messes with my head and I am so confused now. He's texted a couple of times saying he wants to call me again, but I have yet to hear from him. I feel like he's playing a game.

I just needed to vent and welcome any ESH...thank you all for listening.

Eight Ball

Next time he calls, dont pick up! Saying you are going to call someone and then not following through, sounds like games to me and certainly not someone ready to make amends or treat you with respect.

I could hazzard a guess that hes just recently split up with someone else, is feeling lonely and maybe thought of you and whether you might be willing to pick up with him again. Im only submising though!

Go NC, get back to feeling good about yourself and your life.

wicked

I don't know him, just as one drunk to another, but this doesn't feel good to me, does it to you? Yes, it feels like evil emotional manipulation.
You thought you could deal because it has been a year. <nodding> I understand that.
But you are all twisted up now over some texts. Please go NC total again.
He is not good for you or to you.
Be good to yourself.

Beth

marie1960

Oh catlover,
Just as they are addicted to alcohol, we are addicted to them. At one time, they were our drug of choice. All it takes is that " one time" and we are right back on the crazytrain.

Do not dwell on the conversation the two of you shared, I have been right where you are now. Do not beat yourself up about it. Have to just let it go...... Now you know,........ touch the fire, it still burns.

I am also at the year point of no contact, and life is amazing without all the chaos, just breathe,......

I agree with eightball, I think he was just testing the waters to see if he could get you to take the hook. We have to remember NOTHING has changed.

Keep the focus on you, my friend.

Mo S

Just my opinion; he could be lonely and returning to the familiar and he knows what to expect from you. I stayed or resumed contact sometimes because it was also familiar to me, comfortable and i knew what to expect. Could be thats the case or not. Thats for you to decide. You are aware of your behavior- thats a good start to change if you are willing to do the work taking into account the possible fear of the unknown. I wish you the best.

lillamy

I think your explanation is in the words you say you need to hear from him:
My AXH treated me badly. I have minimal contact with him. However -- I got a new boss a while ago who reminds me very much of AXH, in looks, behavior, attitudes, everything. Last week, he sent me an e-mail that had the same tone AXH's e-mails did... and I was right back in the eggshell-walking, anxiety-attack life I lived with AXH. From one e-mail that just sounded like AXH.

What that told me was (again -- I get these reminders intermittently) that while I have moved on, I 'm not done recovering. I've just put the damage done by an alcoholic marriage in a black backpack and stuck it in the back of my emotional storage closet.

I've decided that for me, it's time now when I have more strength to start opening that backpack and look at what's in it so I can let it go.

Tuffgirl

Listen to your emotional reaction to this...that's the most telling part of this situation you describe.

So sorry for your confusion!

Cyranoak

...please forgive yourself as nobody's perfect, but it can't be understated how HUGE a mistake it was to send the text. I've done it too. You gave the inch, and as alcoholics do he took a mile. That's why he's doing this... because by sending the text you asked him to.

Please consider immediately going back to NC and don't replicate your mistake. Also, if you aren't already, please consider going to Alanon for awhile, and also counseling, to understand why it is you make choices like this, and how you can stop.

Good luck,

Cyranoak

CatLover1234

Thanks everyone for responding. Your replies have helped me tremendously.
I'm trying so hard to handle this, but not doing so well right now. I can't stop crying and wondering why he did this. It almost feels like he "smooth talked" me back on the "hook" just to go NC with me as retaliation for me going NC with him a year ago. I could be wrong, but that's what it feels like. He was so nice and sweet for a couple of days and then....bam! He's ice cold and having NC with me.

It's just hard to deal with this right now. It took me a very long time to get well after being involved with him and the thought of starting back at square one in the healing process is upsetting to me. But, I do know I will heal. I just need to give it time.....again