Should I believe my brother?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: santa clara ca
Posts: 34
Should I believe my brother?
My brother had seizures two weeks ago, and almost bit his tongue off, bashed his head open and was hospitalized all due to his alcoholism. I did not know my brother was an alcoholic, we live an hour away from each other, so this is all new to me. It has been two weeks since that happened, he has gotten no help, gone to no AA meetings has had ZERO treatment of any kind. He tells me he is fine he hasnt had a drink since, and he doesnt even crave or think about alcohol. He says everything cool...I dont know if I should believe him? How do you go from having three seizures and almost dying, to being completely cured with having gotten no help??? Can anybody help me?? Thank you...
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,868
What is it you want help with? If he wants to drink, he is going to drink. There is nothing you can say or do that will change that. If he drinks and lies to you about it, that is his business. As an adult, he is free to do that. Since you live an hour away, you won't have to deal with him when he drinks, so does it really matter if he is telling the truth or not?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: santa clara ca
Posts: 34
Originally Posted by suki44883 
What is it you want help with? If he wants to drink, he is going to drink. There is nothing you can say or do that will change that. If he drinks and lies to you about it, that is his business. As an adult, he is free to do that. Since you live an hour away, you won't have to deal with him when he drinks, so does it really matter if he is telling the truth or not?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: santa clara ca
Posts: 34
Originally Posted by steelmagnolia
Just a guess but, I don't think I'd buy that! Ya better be prepared to detach and run before he asks for money. Good love, mags
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: new moon road
Posts: 1,545
The best thing you can do is attend an Al-Anon meeting in your area and collect all the free brochures they have, which address alcoholism in the family and what family members should and should not do regarding the alcoholic. Get two of each brochure, so you can give a set to your parents.
Did a doctor diagnose your brother as alcoholic? Is that how you discovered addiction to be the problem?
If your brother is living full-time with your parents, your parents will likely be full-time enablers, which can only make his drinking easier, as they rescue him from the consequences of his intoxication. If they read the materials you give them, thoroughly and with an open mind, and then you sit down with them, you can all have an honest, meaningful discussion about the crossroads your family is now at: enable your brother to his death or refuse to cooperate with his addiction by refusing to caretake him in any way except in instances of severe, acute life-threatening situations.
You are now a family of alcoholism, and you will always be that, for the disease never goes away, it can only be treated and arrested but not cured. So it is best you and your parents get educated so you can make clear and firm choices not to be enablers. It will take a great deal of courage and call on resources within you that you never realized you possess. You will have to un-learn any codependent patterns of rescuing and excusing your brother's behaviors and consequences due to drinking.
Attending Al-Anon regularly may be of great help to you, but even if you attend only one meeting and go home with the free materials, you will have taken an enormous step toward dealing with the reality in your life.
Wishing you well. His disease will want to control all of you. Do not let it take you.
If he is an alcoholic he is either drinking right now or planning to. Do not believe him.
Did a doctor diagnose your brother as alcoholic? Is that how you discovered addiction to be the problem?
If your brother is living full-time with your parents, your parents will likely be full-time enablers, which can only make his drinking easier, as they rescue him from the consequences of his intoxication. If they read the materials you give them, thoroughly and with an open mind, and then you sit down with them, you can all have an honest, meaningful discussion about the crossroads your family is now at: enable your brother to his death or refuse to cooperate with his addiction by refusing to caretake him in any way except in instances of severe, acute life-threatening situations.
You are now a family of alcoholism, and you will always be that, for the disease never goes away, it can only be treated and arrested but not cured. So it is best you and your parents get educated so you can make clear and firm choices not to be enablers. It will take a great deal of courage and call on resources within you that you never realized you possess. You will have to un-learn any codependent patterns of rescuing and excusing your brother's behaviors and consequences due to drinking.
Attending Al-Anon regularly may be of great help to you, but even if you attend only one meeting and go home with the free materials, you will have taken an enormous step toward dealing with the reality in your life.
Wishing you well. His disease will want to control all of you. Do not let it take you.
If he is an alcoholic he is either drinking right now or planning to. Do not believe him.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: santa clara ca
Posts: 34
Originally Posted by EnglishGarden
The best thing you can do is attend an Al-Anon meeting in your area and collect all the free brochures they have, which address alcoholism in the family and what family members should and should not do regarding the alcoholic. Get two of each brochure, so you can give a set to your parents.
Did a doctor diagnose your brother as alcoholic? Is that how you discovered addiction to be the problem?
If your brother is living full-time with your parents, your parents will likely be full-time enablers, which can only make his drinking easier, as they rescue him from the consequences of his intoxication. If they read the materials you give them, thoroughly and with an open mind, and then you sit down with them, you can all have an honest, meaningful discussion about the crossroads your family is now at: enable your brother to his death or refuse to cooperate with his addiction by refusing to caretake him in any way except in instances of severe, acute life-threatening situations.
You are now a family of alcoholism, and you will always be that, for the disease never goes away, it can only be treated and arrested but not cured. So it is best you and your parents get educated so you can make clear and firm choices not to be enablers. It will take a great deal of courage and call on resources within you that you never realized you possess. You will have to un-learn any codependent patterns of rescuing and excusing your brother's behaviors and consequences due to drinking.
Attending Al-Anon regularly may be of great help to you, but even if you attend only one meeting and go home with the free materials, you will have taken an enormous step toward dealing with the reality in your life.
Wishing you well. His disease will want to control all of you. Do not let it take you.
If he is an alcoholic he is either drinking right now or planning to. Do not believe him.
Did a doctor diagnose your brother as alcoholic? Is that how you discovered addiction to be the problem?
If your brother is living full-time with your parents, your parents will likely be full-time enablers, which can only make his drinking easier, as they rescue him from the consequences of his intoxication. If they read the materials you give them, thoroughly and with an open mind, and then you sit down with them, you can all have an honest, meaningful discussion about the crossroads your family is now at: enable your brother to his death or refuse to cooperate with his addiction by refusing to caretake him in any way except in instances of severe, acute life-threatening situations.
You are now a family of alcoholism, and you will always be that, for the disease never goes away, it can only be treated and arrested but not cured. So it is best you and your parents get educated so you can make clear and firm choices not to be enablers. It will take a great deal of courage and call on resources within you that you never realized you possess. You will have to un-learn any codependent patterns of rescuing and excusing your brother's behaviors and consequences due to drinking.
Attending Al-Anon regularly may be of great help to you, but even if you attend only one meeting and go home with the free materials, you will have taken an enormous step toward dealing with the reality in your life.
Wishing you well. His disease will want to control all of you. Do not let it take you.
If he is an alcoholic he is either drinking right now or planning to. Do not believe him.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 38
The reason I asked was because I have a brother that had the exact same thing happen 20 years ago. We suspected he was drinking a lot and the doctor also told him did he should never drink again but shortly after we KNEW from his actions he is an alcoholic.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Tustine
Posts: 5
Start listening to the radio. KWAVE 107.9 while he is there with you. Watch the peace penetrate over time. You can start talking with him during that time as well. Change takes place when you are both engaged in the same activity.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: santa clara ca
Posts: 34
Originally Posted by Anappleaday
If the doctor didn't say he is an alcoholic how did you find out that his seizures and the associated injuries and hospitalization were due to alcoholism?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: san diego, ca
Posts: 2
I understand the hurt and pain that comes with loving a self-abuser. My brother and I have always been close until I recently discovered his addiction to heroin. He lives with my parents and I commute him to and from school during the day. My best advice is don't give him money or feed his pleas unless he is productively seeking to better his life. However, love and support can be endlessly supplied. You can't push him, but you need to set your boundries and make them clear to him. Also Make it clear to him that you love him and that he is not a bad person, he just has a bad habit.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
