It's Been Futile Since Day One
 

So, I tried having a conversation with my ABF tonight (not really sure I should call him my BF anymore to be honest) about how I feel our relationship is futile at this point. We seem to just live on two different planets. I was told that he thought our relationship had been futile since Day One. To be honest, it really hurts to hear those words and it really hurts more because I know they are real, true words.

He has never treated me good. I envy even those of you with ABF's that know how much they have hurt the people they love and at least confess love. All I get are hurtful words that make me feel so low and unloveable to be told that from Day One I was no good. That is really what it feels like. And I know that it is just his inability (I think) to love ANYONE. Even himself, but it still just feels so raw and so painful.

I am leaving come August 18th, 2012. My feelings are cemented in stone. I feel them and I accept my situation for what it is. A terrible relationship with an A who can't love, at least not me. If he finds someone else to love, so be it. Let her feel the pain it feels like to love someone so shallow with no depth and no soul.

Thanks for letting me vent. The tears flow but I am strong in my resolve.

I am so sorry for the hurt you are feeling. Why are you waiting until mid-August and subjecting yourself to more torment? Can you get out sooner?
It hurts just thinking about the pain you must be going through.

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad and I know how hard it is to let go. My ABF and I are splitting up at the moment. The final move out is happening today. I keep trying to remind myself of all the callous things he's said to me in the past and not focus on the good things.
If there's any way you could leave before August, it might be a good idea... I know it's so hard, but the quicker you walk in to the fire, the quicker you can get out of it, at least that's what I'm trying to focus on today. Hugs.

This will heal, and you will be better for it. You recognize that this sickness is not love. He cannot love, and dont kid yourself that someone else will have a magic key that makes him act properly.

He is the one with the key. He has to wake up. You are not his alarm clock. Unfortunately most alcoholics need a terrible wake up call to want to get well.

Move forward! Seek happiness!

Have a lease thru August, so I have to be here until then. I just got a free week while A went to his hometown for his aunt's funeral and it was THE most blissful period of time I had in five years. I did not care one ounce that he was absent, not one. He could have slept with a whole harem of women and I still wouldn't have cared.

I'm so sorry you are facing this! You know, logically, that if he has never treated you well then you aren't *really* losing anything except negativity... but that doesn't make it hurt any less.

I don't doubt for one second that once you untangle yourself you will meet someone that loves you with every fiber of their being. ((((HUGS))))