I am new to SR
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: rockville, md
Posts: 3
I am new to SR
I found this site when I was in search of an effective way to talk to my husband - who I believe has a problem with alcohol. Out of habit I hesittae to say he is an alcoholic...but all the signs are there. We've been happily married for 30 years. My husband never used to drink. For the first 20+years of our marriage he didn't drink at all. Then he discovered red wine. Shortly thereafter he had the devastaing experience of recovering a repressed memory of sexual abuse he endured as a child.
I have read a few postings on this site from spouses who are struggling with the same issues I face. They deal with a spouse who drinks alone and drinks every night. A spouse who becomes obnoxious and verbally abusive. And blames his drinking on everyone and everything, especially me. As of today - he has not hurt himself or anyone else - but he regularly claims (when he is obviously drunk) that he is fine to drive. Yikes!
I love him and I worry about him. I am desparately seeking the balance between encouraging him to recognize how bad the problem has become and not getting tangled in this complicated web of destruction. I have tried talking, crying, yelling and silence. None seem to net me any long term progress. I am nearing the "either get help or leave" mantra. It may work for a time but I am not hopeful it will net the help I seek for him. He admits he needs help just not raising his hand to get the help he needs. Our adult children know there is a problem. The irony is that my husband was instrumental in getting our son into rehab for alcoholism (3 yrs ago).
Anyone find an effective way to communicate how bad the problem has become that leads to a good outcome?
I have read a few postings on this site from spouses who are struggling with the same issues I face. They deal with a spouse who drinks alone and drinks every night. A spouse who becomes obnoxious and verbally abusive. And blames his drinking on everyone and everything, especially me. As of today - he has not hurt himself or anyone else - but he regularly claims (when he is obviously drunk) that he is fine to drive. Yikes!
I love him and I worry about him. I am desparately seeking the balance between encouraging him to recognize how bad the problem has become and not getting tangled in this complicated web of destruction. I have tried talking, crying, yelling and silence. None seem to net me any long term progress. I am nearing the "either get help or leave" mantra. It may work for a time but I am not hopeful it will net the help I seek for him. He admits he needs help just not raising his hand to get the help he needs. Our adult children know there is a problem. The irony is that my husband was instrumental in getting our son into rehab for alcoholism (3 yrs ago).
Anyone find an effective way to communicate how bad the problem has become that leads to a good outcome?
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,896
Hi, joco. Welcome to SR. I'm sorry you are dealing with this. The thing is, even if he admits he has a problem, but isn't willing to get some help himself, there really isn't much you can do. One way to know if someone wants help is them actually doing the legwork themselves. To be honest, it doesn't sound like your husband is there yet.
We have a Friends and Family forum you might want to visit and post in. You will find many people who are dealing with the same issues as you. You are definitely not alone in this. We are here to support you. Here's a link to our F&F forum:
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
We have a Friends and Family forum you might want to visit and post in. You will find many people who are dealing with the same issues as you. You are definitely not alone in this. We are here to support you. Here's a link to our F&F forum:
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Welcome to our SR Family
I hate so much that you have been affected by someone's drinking ~ it is difficult to watch someone you care for deeply struggle with this disease.
One of the things I have learned is the best thing we can do for our loved ones it to take good care of ourselves ~ to be the healthiest person WE can be
I personally learned how to be a healthy person in a "alcoholic/addict" home in the AL-Anon program ~ it helped me greatly ~
It may help you with tools to deal with the issues in your home ~
Posting here and reading others post may help also ~
Most of all, please don't feel like you are alone ~
We are here to listen, share our experience, strength & hope and to lend support ~
PINK HUGS, (hope, unity, gratitude & serenity)
Rita
I hate so much that you have been affected by someone's drinking ~ it is difficult to watch someone you care for deeply struggle with this disease.
One of the things I have learned is the best thing we can do for our loved ones it to take good care of ourselves ~ to be the healthiest person WE can be
I personally learned how to be a healthy person in a "alcoholic/addict" home in the AL-Anon program ~ it helped me greatly ~
It may help you with tools to deal with the issues in your home ~
Posting here and reading others post may help also ~
Most of all, please don't feel like you are alone ~
We are here to listen, share our experience, strength & hope and to lend support ~
PINK HUGS, (hope, unity, gratitude & serenity)
Rita
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