Ack! Does anyone else feel surrounded?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Toronto, Canada
Posts: 37
Ack! Does anyone else feel surrounded?
Well, I tried reaching out to a long-time friend that I see perhaps once every month or so - we were very close in college, but working lives meant less face time, and fewer phone calls.
I met her for a dinner, having confided in her over the past couple months that my BF seemed to have relapsed after many years sober, and it threw me into a tailspin. She was ready for an update, so after describing recent behaviors, and my first experience with Al-anon, she looked at me and said, " he sounds like a highly functional alcoholic, with patterns very similar to mine, and I consider myself to be a functional alcoholic."
Well, you could have knocked me over with a feather. She was still being the great supportive friend I was counting on, but I'm starting to feel like I'm in a twilight zone episode. Just had to share that. Guess I really know how to pick 'em, huh?! Anyone else here NOT drinking? Jeepers.
I met her for a dinner, having confided in her over the past couple months that my BF seemed to have relapsed after many years sober, and it threw me into a tailspin. She was ready for an update, so after describing recent behaviors, and my first experience with Al-anon, she looked at me and said, " he sounds like a highly functional alcoholic, with patterns very similar to mine, and I consider myself to be a functional alcoholic."
Well, you could have knocked me over with a feather. She was still being the great supportive friend I was counting on, but I'm starting to feel like I'm in a twilight zone episode. Just had to share that. Guess I really know how to pick 'em, huh?! Anyone else here NOT drinking? Jeepers.
Survivor
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Proud Upstate New Yorker
Posts: 869
Oh my. Wow. I would just be careful with this particular friend. It's a bit scary. How can you have a healthy relationship with someone who identifies as a "functional alcoholic.". Yikes!
Keep working your program. Thank HP for this program.
Love,
Lily
Keep working your program. Thank HP for this program.
Love,
Lily
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Toronto, Canada
Posts: 37
Oops I really didn't intend for that to come off as angry if it did... Just shocked, and more like overwhelmed. She really has been a great friend, and I sure hope she has some valuable insight to offer as I proceed on my journey. I'll be cautious, though I don't expect anyone to live up to any lofty ideals- i sure don't.
I suppose I'm so surprised that it seems like nothing is as it seemed; had you asked me 5 months ago I would not have described my 2 closest people as alcoholics. And I'm also wondering if I've really been totally blind.
I suppose I'm so surprised that it seems like nothing is as it seemed; had you asked me 5 months ago I would not have described my 2 closest people as alcoholics. And I'm also wondering if I've really been totally blind.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 271
Once I became aware I had addicts of all different kinds all around me in my present and past. Hind sight is 20/20 of course.
Even my ex boss was an alcoholic and now my highest paying client in my portfolio. but it took me falling in love with one or me to learn the lessons I was meant to learn. Wow broke me to the core.
Interesting how As and Codie's fit like a lock and key....attracted to one another without realizing it.
Even my ex boss was an alcoholic and now my highest paying client in my portfolio. but it took me falling in love with one or me to learn the lessons I was meant to learn. Wow broke me to the core.
Interesting how As and Codie's fit like a lock and key....attracted to one another without realizing it.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Right here, right now!
Posts: 3,424
It took a long time for me to accept my exAH struggled with alcohol.
Once that got in though I realized that I had a ton of family, friends and other loved ones that all had similar struggles.
I am learning it is what you do with the info and what they do with it that matters.
Once that got in though I realized that I had a ton of family, friends and other loved ones that all had similar struggles.
I am learning it is what you do with the info and what they do with it that matters.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Yep, well, I am and have been surrounded by family members who struggle with addiction most of my life. Why I do not is a mystery to me.
Sister
Maternal Grandmother
Maternal Grandfather
Aunt
Cousins
Stepson
My mother is an untreated ACoA
Sister
Maternal Grandmother
Maternal Grandfather
Aunt
Cousins
Stepson
My mother is an untreated ACoA
Last edited by Seren; 05-29-2012 at 11:48 AM.
Member
Join Date: May 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 1,149
my aunt on one side is an alcoholic and her son a gambling addict.
My second cousin on that side died in his early 40s from alcohol related liver damage.
On the other side my grandfather suspected my uncle of being an alcoholic.
I have had many friends and acquaintances with addiction issues, plus one husband and one boyfriend (plus a number of other boyfriends and friends who had none).
Is this more than the average person? who knows?
maybe the difference is that the average person quietly seperates themselves from those with behaviour they don't like as soon as it happens, and because I don't/haven't (I instead try to change myself to not care about those things I find unacceptable, then try and reason with the person to get them to change, then try and comprmise, then scream in frustration at them, then feel guilty and start back at trying to change my feelings about what is acceptable) my life is more impacted.
there are also loads of things that don't bother me one bt in a friend that would drive me up the wall in a partner (and vice versa).
My second cousin on that side died in his early 40s from alcohol related liver damage.
On the other side my grandfather suspected my uncle of being an alcoholic.
I have had many friends and acquaintances with addiction issues, plus one husband and one boyfriend (plus a number of other boyfriends and friends who had none).
Is this more than the average person? who knows?
maybe the difference is that the average person quietly seperates themselves from those with behaviour they don't like as soon as it happens, and because I don't/haven't (I instead try to change myself to not care about those things I find unacceptable, then try and reason with the person to get them to change, then try and comprmise, then scream in frustration at them, then feel guilty and start back at trying to change my feelings about what is acceptable) my life is more impacted.
there are also loads of things that don't bother me one bt in a friend that would drive me up the wall in a partner (and vice versa).
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 225
Yes. My friend and neighbor who has always been a drinker has been hitting the bottle more often and much harder lately. Another friend came by for a visit recently and appeared to be under the influence at the time. I'm not saying they're alcoholics, just that I'm much more aware of such things these days. Then there was the time I recently had dinner at a restaurant in town. The people at the next table over were obviously drunk. Another guy drunk AND obnoxious came up to my table and wanted to start a conversation. After I left I saw a man passed out on the sidewalk on my way home. I could smell the booze from him as I walked by. Fortunately these aren't everyday occurrences. But there are times when I do feel surrounded.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,960
The only Non-Functional Alcoholic I met was dead.
All alcoholics are functional. Seriously, some just make more money than others and live in larger homes.
Now you know where not to go for support. Can you get to an Al Anon meeting? Call the local number and find out where the real support is.
You can do this for you!
Hugs,
All alcoholics are functional. Seriously, some just make more money than others and live in larger homes.
Now you know where not to go for support. Can you get to an Al Anon meeting? Call the local number and find out where the real support is.
You can do this for you!
Hugs,
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
I also feel surrounded by alcohol and drunks and alcoholics in all stages, this just makes me more grateful I live in a different world (at least mentally and emotionally) and reminds me to keep my boundaries strong.
I am a social drinker but I don't even remember when was the last time I took anything. Its a non topic for us in the "healthier' world.
I would not trust this person as a close friend. Maybe she is wonderful but honestly I want nothing to do with even "heavy drinkers' at this point, functional or not functional, sorry but I had my share of madness already.
I no longer underestimate the ability to relax when I am with someone I consider a friend.
Hugs!
PS These days I am back to yoga. Pass the green tea...
I am a social drinker but I don't even remember when was the last time I took anything. Its a non topic for us in the "healthier' world.
I would not trust this person as a close friend. Maybe she is wonderful but honestly I want nothing to do with even "heavy drinkers' at this point, functional or not functional, sorry but I had my share of madness already.
I no longer underestimate the ability to relax when I am with someone I consider a friend.
Hugs!
PS These days I am back to yoga. Pass the green tea...
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,796
That's weird that she said that. Of course I have no idea, but to me, it seems like maybe she describes herself that way, as a "high-functioning alcoholic", because she thinks it sounds cool.
Then again, there is way too much ignorance among society regarding what an alcoholic is "supposed" to look like, etc.
Then again, there is way too much ignorance among society regarding what an alcoholic is "supposed" to look like, etc.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
Anyone else here NOT drinking? Jeepers.
I'm not drinking, but only after drinking enough to float a boat (a VERY BIG BOAT)!
Some days it seems like I smell it everywhere, on everyone.
GAG!
Beth
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