He lost the battle..another one gone
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
I am so very sorry for how badly you and your son feel. I wish I had the words to take away your bad feelings. Maybe I sound harsh but alcoholism is such an insidious disease; it makes alcoholics so selfish and self-pitying to the very end. I have to refuse to fall into that trap with my alcoholic and addicted family members. Please don't blame yourself; it is not your fault. <3
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 225
(((queenteree))) I am so sorry to read about what you all went through. I hope you and your son can get over your guilt. I hope that you truly know (even though it may be hard to accept right now) that this was a situation you could not control. You and your family will be in my prayers.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 271
He chose to take his life and once a person reaches this point there is nothing you guys could have done to stop him. The pain was just too much for him.
It's very sad....you and your sons showered this man with love but his self hatred got in the way.
It's very sad....you and your sons showered this man with love but his self hatred got in the way.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hello queenteree 
Please, please, please do not feel guilty. None of this was anyone's fault.
My deepest sympathies to you and everyone who cared about this man. I'm so very sorry to hear about your tragic loss.
Please, please, please do not feel guilty. None of this was anyone's fault.
My deepest sympathies to you and everyone who cared about this man. I'm so very sorry to hear about your tragic loss.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: MI
Posts: 452
I'm so sorry for your loss. I recently lost an addicted loved one, as well. I understand the feelings of guilt and regret that accompany that loss, and know that it is a natural byproduct of grief. As so many on this board have said, you did all you could to support him and help him into recovery, but he was the only one who could make it happen. You might want to consider seeing a therapist or attending a grief counseling program to help you through this. Loving an addict is traumatic enough when he is alive, and the steps we are forced to take to protect ourselves and our sanity can add to the guilt when our addicted loved one dies. I feel like I have PTSD, and am seeing a therapist myself to help me through this in a healthy way.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,964
Condolences to you and the children.
I understand. You all did what you could to help him. He couldn't help himself, there was nothing you or the children could have done differently. I went through the same thing, I do understand. Grief support groups for those who have survived a loved one's suicide exist, please get some in person support.
Love,
I understand. You all did what you could to help him. He couldn't help himself, there was nothing you or the children could have done differently. I went through the same thing, I do understand. Grief support groups for those who have survived a loved one's suicide exist, please get some in person support.
Love,
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Seeking Peace
Posts: 1,371
My heart goes out to you and your son.
This is what so many of us (including myself) live in fear of... what will happen when we let go? The thing is...none of us have the power to make them well. You were powerless over his life...just as you were powerless over his death. I know there are probably a whole bunch of emotions swirling around you right now...but just know that your HP has you and your son in the palm of his hand. And your AH is now at peace. Finally...at peace.
Heartfelt hugs and prayers...
Mary
This is what so many of us (including myself) live in fear of... what will happen when we let go? The thing is...none of us have the power to make them well. You were powerless over his life...just as you were powerless over his death. I know there are probably a whole bunch of emotions swirling around you right now...but just know that your HP has you and your son in the palm of his hand. And your AH is now at peace. Finally...at peace.
Heartfelt hugs and prayers...
Mary
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: US and Canada
Posts: 15
<<< HUG >>> My heart and prayers go out to you and your children as you go through this very tough time.
I also lost my husband to this disease in March, and I was not there when he died either - so I have some idea of what you might be going through - and I had such a struggle with guilt but, as it has for me, I do hope it will pass for you because, as everyone else here has said, you did not cause it, could not cure it, nor could you control it. You did what you could, the rest was in your husband's and God's hands.
My husband lost both his sons to addiction as well, one of them through suicide. These are such sad events for everyone involved. Hang onto each other and look forward, not backward.
I also lost my husband to this disease in March, and I was not there when he died either - so I have some idea of what you might be going through - and I had such a struggle with guilt but, as it has for me, I do hope it will pass for you because, as everyone else here has said, you did not cause it, could not cure it, nor could you control it. You did what you could, the rest was in your husband's and God's hands.
My husband lost both his sons to addiction as well, one of them through suicide. These are such sad events for everyone involved. Hang onto each other and look forward, not backward.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 451
I am so deeply sorry for your loss. Not much I can do or say to take away the pain you are feeling. My A's aunt recently committed suicide after coming down off psyche drugs. It is so hard to deal with the guilt the family feels, but in reality, there is nothing anyone could do other than move on and live their own lives in your situation. May you find peace and comfort with your family.
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