What do you want from them?

Old 05-28-2012, 03:35 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
NYCDoglvr's Avatar
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She sounds wonderful and is very lucky to have you and your husband. Kids process alcoholic parents in various ways but sometimes they think it's their fault, that they caused it. What helps is telling them about the disease of alcoholism. The best source I've seen is a series HBO did on addiction, covering all aspects (individual, family, children,). A doctor explains it on the video. No charge and one of the best sources around.
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Old 05-28-2012, 07:29 PM
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Yes, when I was very young, I thought if I was good enough, he would stop drinking.
Magical thinking, and perfectionism. Look for these I think.
Nothing she ever did or could do would change her bio mom.
I think she might be striking the fridge because she is mad.
This is not fair! Why is her mum a drunk! Why did she treat us so bad!
Wait, maybe this is my therapy.
I was told my anger was not "right" and to "be quiet" because I would be in trouble.
I believe your SD will be fine, because you are aware.
Plus, being a teen, wowee lady, you could have some tough times, but as long as everyone is honest and open, it makes lightyears of difference.
It helped me tremendously when my children were in trouble.

Thank you for letting me share all that. I feel better. I hope you do too.

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Old 05-31-2012, 12:22 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Thanks, I do feel better. In fact as each day goes by and we see no signs of her suffering due to her lack of contact with her mum, we all feel better. I'm sure if she was feeling overly guilty about her decision, we would see that, but she's not.

I also heard from her half brothers dad today, and he has just received the final report from Social Services that has been submitted to the Court for his final hearing for his residence case (no date yet, but should be soon), and the report strongly recommends that the child remains with his dad, and that mum is not permitted to have the child overnight. It also states that the Court imposes a ruling on her that she must not drink for 24 hours before having contact with her son, but goodness knows how a Court, or anyone could actually enforce that! But, it's great news, and I shared it with SD when she got in with school, and she is delighted as she really doesn't want her half brother going back to live with their mother. It's a shame isn't it, that this woman, who purports to be a good parent, and for so many years hid her complete inability as a parent (to herself I hasten to add, oh and Children's Services - we always knew!) has now lost both her children through her own fault. I'd have thought when SD walking out last year that should have been enough to give her the proverbial kick up the backside she needed, but no, and we all think she will sink even further into the bottle once residence is awarded to her son's father (she still believes she will get him back apparently, although she will have received a copy of the report too).

We're having the lad over to stay for 2 days next week, as there's a 2 day public holiday due to the Queen's Diamond Jubilee celebrations, and we can't wait!!
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Old 05-31-2012, 01:37 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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I think your SD is very clear-thinking. I think she pretty much stated what we all want from the As in our lives:
'the only thing I want from my mum is for her not to be an alcoholic'.
I think I started leaving my AXH when I realized that it was no longer enough for me if he quit drinking. Or got into a good recovery program. I really wanted for him not to be an alcoholic. I wanted him to be an equal partner. I wanted him to let me listen to the music I loved that he hated. I wanted to be able to have friends that he didn't like. And as I went down the list, I think what it boiled down to was that a) I wanted him to not be an alcoholic and b) I wanted him to be another person than he was.
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