i HATE...
 

Getting those "what couldve been" thoughts about my XABF! And even more i HATE getting emotionally upset bc of them! On my way to work this morning i found myself trying to hold back tears as i was listening to 1 of those loveydovey songs on the radio &thinking about how things couldve been with my X. How happy we COULDVE been. How my son COULD'VE had both parents. How my X COULD'VE gotten help if he really wanted to. Etc etc!! In addition, what really irks me is that this is even more wasted brain space and more wasted emotion on a person that doesnt deserve either!! I take full responsibility for putting myself through all the chaos & misery but i wish i could shut off my thought sometimes, especially these particular ones bc its all crap. Its a fantasy & my life sure isnt a Disney movie! Alchies have booze to suppress their thoughts & emotions but what do Codies have? Ok im done now everyone have a great weekend!

WorkinProgress,

I don't think those thoughts are a waste at all. I believe it is a part of grieving until we make peace and accept the loss. I don't think you are going backwards. You had hopes and dreams with this man. You lost that to his alcoholism. I'm sorry for that. Give yourself permission to be sad.

This might sound crazy but accepting those thoughts and letting yourself feel that loss will actually help you heal. You also move on to other thoughts and priorities faster when you accept what you are going through instead of battling and "shoulding" yourself.

I wish you peace within and healing, one thought at a time.

Love,

Lily

You have us to talk to :)

As your screen name suggests....we are all a "WorkInProgress" and as long as we continue to create our own world, then time will heal the wounds of the past.

Have a great weekend !!!!!

There is nothinng wrong with crying about it, it's such a disappointment you you have been through so much.

Please , have some compassion for yourself, if you knew then , what you know now, it never would have happened.

You get to be sad, and lonely, and depressed, and angry, just not at yourself this is part of the process, no time was wasted, on the other side is a huge amount of growth on all levels and the possibility for greater happiness.

Give yourself a break, if you do, I'll give myself a break too.

xooxoxoxoxo

Alkies have alcohol, and codies have alkies. :)

Let yourself cry when you need to. A dream is dying, and it hurts.

I've been hurting and crying on and off for the past six weeks since I ended it with AX, and I have noticed that I am definitely feeling better this week. My AX, on the other hand, emailed me this week and told me that he has been suppressing all thoughts of our relationship and trying not to think about it because it's too painful. And I thought, he will be drinking again soon!

Suppressing things to get through the day is fine, but it's not healthy to supress them forever. Pain has to be experienced in order to go away. Doesn't that suck? I know it does. But the good news is, you are not turning to alcohol or things like it to cope so you WILL get through it and come out on the other side.

I agree with all of you! We all have weak moments &this morning was mine. The good thing is i dont cry as much as i used to which to me is progress! Im soo glad that im strong enough not to need alcohol or drugs to feel better. I was just feeling down but like yall said its a part of the process.

:ghug3

When I first made the decision to separate from my ABF I cried constantly, and sometimes it felt like it would never end. It did end, and even though I still have bouts of sadness for the loss of the dream and even find myself feeling sorry for him, it is much less intense. When I was little and had a nightmare, my mom would calm me down by telling me that my dreams were like TV channels and if I just changed the channel the nightmare would go away (I always put it on the Christmas channel. lol!). Not saying to ignore the feelings completely, it's good to feel them, just saying you don't need to dwell on it...you can change the channel sometimes! Nowadays the beach channel works for me. :-)

Dear WIP
These feelings will pass. And you will be OK soon. I was a MESS for months and triggered with everything. Now.. I can listen to the saddest song full of memories (sometimes I do not even remember the names of the songs .. I hear them elsewhere) and I just go "oh", I no longer cry for days! I am now grateful for the good moments and for the lessons. Yes indeed, I am letting go of my past. What has helped me is to read Zen quotes, they talk a lot about the temporary nature of EVERYTHING! Zen philosphy helps me to replace frustration with gratitude. Oh and posting here a million times helped, too.
Let us know how you are doing.

Hugs
tc999

Have any of you Experience this ???
 

Hello to everyone..

As from my previous posts I have left my AH partner after relapasing twice after a 3 month stint in Rehab...

I threatened that unless she went we were over and she agreed not just for that but it was essential she got back on track.. All her stuff is in my house ...

This time I noticed a completely different attitude in that there was a subtle undertone where somehow I had made it to easy for her... ?????? That somehow it was my fault that she didnt go to meetings, didnt do anything rehab asked of her and her replasing well wasnt really her fault.

I was informed that they recommend her moving interstate to help her.. I find it facinating - I realized recovery came first, no booze in house, encouraged her to attend meetings etc and i would of thought exposure to non ah people who lead positive lives would be helpful.. Now she falls into the trap of falling into a professional AA victim where she wants to take no accountabilty( boundaries) are important and simply lives in a bubble.

I emphasise I dont want to sound harsh here but really theres a commercial reality attached to being linked with a rehab center( not cheap) and a find it interesting that basically they want to hold her hand through her 3rd rehab.

Life go on.. It just reminds me again and again that everything revolves around the AH... Thats why it is a life of pain, anguish and disappointment. For me a could't see anything at the end of the rainbow..