cangel2

This may seem trivial compared to everything everyone else is going through but I really needed to vent in a safe place where people understand.

My brother is a "recovery" A. He has maintained sobriety for two years but has done this alone and hasn't begun fully to address his primary issues of addiction. That said I am very proud of him for what he has accomplished. He and I have always been very close so I know him pretty well. While he is sober he is still not thinking clearly and is still fairly well stuck in what I will call "the addicts brain". He has difficulties putting things in perspective, has trouble with obsessive thinking and anxiety.

Anyway....I haven't seen him in about a year and offered him gas money or flight down to spend some time with me for his 50th B'Day. So....he calls two days ago and says he will take me up on my gift offer and would like to come down next week. He said he found a flight that would be less than gas money if that would be ok. I was so happy and excited......told him sure and to send me the flight info so I could go book his ticket. He was like....oh he will charge it and I can just send him a check...easier that way. My antennae went up and I insisted he just email me info and I would take care of it......

It is now two days later and no email and he isn't returning my calls. Might be overreacting but it just makes me so sad. Either it was a ploy to get some cash or he is just lost in a selfish fog and changed his mind and doesn't know how to communicate that. Both are not good.

Damn I hate this disease!!! At least I kept my bargin with myself to never again hand over cash.........came close though.....

Guess it is a good reminder that recovery for us is essential and an ongoing process. I miss being able to just relax in my relationship with him......maybe in another two years.......

dollydo

You can let him charge it, and after he arrives, you can give him a check...the bill is not due immediately, I wouldn't send any money to him.

cangel2

Thank.....alternative I thought of....but need to hear from him first though.

Impurrfect

(((cangel))) - I'm sorry, my radar would be going off, too. Sounds like he still has some work to do on himself, but unfortunately he has to want it to do it. Glad you are venting here and that the "don't send money" alert went off. I've found out, with some people, that alert will never go away, and some of them aren't even A's

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

cangel2

((Amy)) Thanks. So true that the money thing isn't always about addiction....I needed that reminder!

Yeah, he has some serious work to do but I am clear that how he approaches it is his decision.

Actually just heard from our step-mom that he "fell" into a very deep depression the night after he called me and has just climbed out of it this afternoon. Explains his disappearing. Scary stuff for me because the last two times he was severely depressed he attempted suicide - seems this time he made an appointment with a therapist instead. Good choice....

Now I just sit back and wait to hear from him. Hopefully he decides to come visit - but that is really all about what I want -

Thanks again.