Why am I so bent on keeping marriage alive?
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Join Date: Dec 2010
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Originally Posted by lizatola 
The one thing that really keeps me here is that he doesn't tear me down in front of others. He builds me up and talks highly of me to his work associates and to his tennis friends. I know he has good qualities and when I see them peek through, that's when I get hopeful.
It kept me hooked for the longest time - "Well, he doesn't really believe all those other things, because look at what he tells others about me!" - until I realized that I was on display, and it was all about what a wonderful woman he could attract and all the places he'd take her, so he could brag to his friends. It was a facade, just like my hopes that there really was a relationship, that somewhere he cared about me for me.
But it wasn't real.
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Location: Orem UT
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Originally Posted by lizatola
'
So, I get this false sense of hope. Sometimes I just don't know who I live with!
So, I get this false sense of hope. Sometimes I just don't know who I live with!
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Location: Midwest, USA
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Originally Posted by lizatola
The one thing that really keeps me here is that he doesn't tear me down in front of others. He builds me up and talks highly of me to his work associates and to his tennis friends. I know he has good qualities and when I see them peek through, that's when I get hopeful.
The one thing that really keeps me here is that he doesn't tear me down in front of others. He builds me up and talks highly of me to his work associates and to his tennis friends. I know he has good qualities and when I see them peek through, that's when I get hopeful.
It kept me hooked for the longest time - "Well, he doesn't really believe all those other things, because look at what he tells others about me!" - until I realized that I was on display, and it was all about what a wonderful woman he could attract and all the places he'd take her, so he could brag to his friends. It was a facade, just like my hopes that there really was a relationship, that somewhere he cared about me for me.
But it wasn't real.
My ex -- he threw me crumbs and I was so hungry I learned to snatch them up and be grateful for the crumbs. But the hunger never went away and instead of leaving, I learned how to cope with the suffering by needing less, making myself smaller, and blaming myself.
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,247
So many people say they stay because they love someone. But doesn't love involve trust and respect? For me those things disappeared a long time before I left. A long stretch in therapy taught me there's a difference between love and need.
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