Puli50

"She gave me a call this morning all nice and sweet as ever acting like last night didnt even happen. that is our normal pattern though and its bad on my part, also acting like nothing happened." Grizz said this.

My ABF and I do the same thing! Why? What should I say? I was thinking about this today. Any insight or suggestions on how to better deal with the morning after?

Spes

I guess it depends on your family dynamics. Some treat the prior behavior as a big elephant in the room that no one talks about. In my case, she truly doesn't remember because of blackouts. Some make the decision to leave rather than live a facade.

I think you need to decide the relationship you want to have and do what is right for you. I don't know you well enough to give you insight or suggestions but as I am fond of asking my daughter when she tells me similar stories: "How is that working for you now?" I don't say that to be mean but rather to say that if something isn't working for her....maybe it's time to move on to something (or someone) else.

wicked

Puli,
I was wondering, what do you want to say?
If nothing changes, nothing changes.
Everyone stays silent and everything stays the same.
What do you want to do?

Beth

(charter member of the monkey see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil club.)

Puli50

How is that working for me is a good question! Not too well. The silence comes from a desire not to relive the whole ordeal, but pretending nothing happened is no good either. Sometimes when I bring up whatever happened he denies it or changes the subject. I guess I am looking for a constructive way to comment on his horrible behavior. I am pretty sure he often can't remember because he routinely drinks at least half of a "handle" bottle of vodka (straight, no ice) every night.

marie1960

Oh Puli, The first few times I commented on XA's unacceptable behavior, he acted like I was speaking a foreign language.

They cannot remember the previous night, therefore it didn't happen. I even made a video of the drunken ,obnoxious clown, showed it to him the next day......... nothing changed.

Change begins with You. That's about as constructive as you can get.

Sending you support.

Fathom

I had the same experience. It didn't matter if I was commenting on bad behavior or just making a reference to a conversation the previous day. He remembered nothing and decided I was making up intricate and detailed stories (there were many of them) just to make him feel like he was losing his mind. News flash! I'm not that creative! You are losing your mind!

Yup. It still bugs me. But, I'm not interacting with him anymore, and that feels really nice.

((Hugs))

Fathom

Adventure

I hear ya on this. It all ties in with the paranoia of "everyone is against me" blah blah blah.

I don't bother saying anything to my AH about anything he does any more. Like Fathom I don't really interact with him and I have no interest in having any kind of relationship with him so bringing stuff up is pointless. It turns into an argument, I get very very angry and stressed, and it gives him an excuse (in his head) to go out and get boozed up again because he feels hard done by!!